Action Plan
COUNSELING COUPLES THROUGH SEPARATION A DEVELOPMENTAL APPROACH
By Terry Levy and Wendy Joffe
The goal of this paper is to present a conceptual model of what occurs on psychological, emotional and interpersonal levels during and following the termination of a close relationship. A close relationship is defined as ongoing, emotionally and/or sexually intimate, and involving feelings of commitment and attachment. This paper is to be a guide for the therapist who endeavors to understand and help people during these difficult and complex times. It will not include a discussion of the myriad causes of separation, nor will it deal with issues associated with children caught in the painful web of family disintegration. Rather, it will emphasize the dynamics of adult behavior as viewed from a developmental perspective, and provide recommendations as to the role of the therapist.
Typically, when a marriage or any close relationship comes to an end, a person experiences a sequence of reactions which occur developmentally, characterized by three major phases; separation, individuation and reconnection. Each phase involves a unique matrix of needs, anxieties and potentials for personal growth. This sequence is referred to as a developmental process; it occurs over a period of time, the reactions of one stage provide a foundation for and interact with the following stage, and it is a dynamic and volatile situation. The therapist who understands the characteristics of each phase can better understand the client seeking help. They can then provide that client with a roadmap, which may serve to provide direction and alleviate some of the uncertainty and despair associated with this difficult but seemingly necessary journey.
SEPARATION
Separation involves letting go. Despite the psychological pain associated with an unhappy relationship, it is rarely easy to let go. The partners ' psychological worlds are enmeshed to the point that the experience of
By Terry Levy and Wendy Joffe
The goal of this paper is to present a conceptual model of what occurs on psychological, emotional and interpersonal levels during and following the termination of a close relationship. A close relationship is defined as ongoing, emotionally and/or sexually intimate, and involving feelings of commitment and attachment. This paper is to be a guide for the therapist who endeavors to understand and help people during these difficult and complex times. It will not include a discussion of the myriad causes of separation, nor will it deal with issues associated with children caught in the painful web of family disintegration. Rather, it will emphasize the dynamics of adult behavior as viewed from a developmental perspective, and provide recommendations as to the role of the therapist.
Typically, when a marriage or any close relationship comes to an end, a person experiences a sequence of reactions which occur developmentally, characterized by three major phases; separation, individuation and reconnection. Each phase involves a unique matrix of needs, anxieties and potentials for personal growth. This sequence is referred to as a developmental process; it occurs over a period of time, the reactions of one stage provide a foundation for and interact with the following stage, and it is a dynamic and volatile situation. The therapist who understands the characteristics of each phase can better understand the client seeking help. They can then provide that client with a roadmap, which may serve to provide direction and alleviate some of the uncertainty and despair associated with this difficult but seemingly necessary journey.
SEPARATION
Separation involves letting go. Despite the psychological pain associated with an unhappy relationship, it is rarely easy to let go. The partners ' psychological worlds are enmeshed to the point that the experience of
References: Fisher, E. 0. Divorce; The New Freedom. New York; Harper and Row, 1974. Kubler-Ross, E. On Death and Dying. New York: Macmillan, 1969. Orlinsky, D. Love Relationships in the Life Cycle: A Developmental Interpersonal Perspective. In H. Otto "(Ed.), Love Today: A New Exploration. New York: Dell, 1972, Prescott, M., & Morris, J. Transitional Groups: An Approach to Dealing with Post-Partnership Anguish. Family Coordinator. 1975, 24, 325-330. Weiss, R. Marital Separation. New York; Basic Books, 1975. Welch, G. & Granvold, D. Seminars for Separated/Divorced; An Educational Approach to Post Divorce Adjustment. Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, 1977, 3, 31-39.