Crooks

COCKNEY.
-hey there, right, how yer doin', mate?
-I'm bloody well awright thanks luv.
-I were gonna tell yer that story about that time wen i went up ter that bonkers rub-a-dub called 'weffer spoon' about that fight between the ruddy ladies
- Oh, right, yes yer batter cop started then i 'aven't got long, got ter get ter work soon
-oh right, right, basically, me and me mates went up there ter see some muckers, and one lass were 'angin' onto a man, and the uvver tart came and started grabbin' up the bleedin' man tryin' ter make 'im cop up and the fella were drunk as hell fire he just couldn't stand up straight. so the uvver bint got angry and grabbed the bloody uvver lass's 'air and ripped out 'er blonde extensions, right, i were like jesus wot the chuffin' hell is 'appenin', right, so me and me mates ran up there and tried copping them apart but they were just frowin' punches at eachuvver, it were ridiculousness, shoes were frown 'round and 'air, nails and eye lashes were flyin', god i fought that would never end untill the bloomin' bobbies came and took them into the van, right, that were hell fire of a night fought, right, yer missed it Steve, it were crazy
-that sound absolutely crazy, wish i were there ey, time ter go now Brad, got ter get dahn ter work, have a good day
-thank yer, yer too luv

SOUTHERN AMERICAN (REDNECK)
-hey thar, how yo' doin'?
-ah's all right thanks love.
-ah was a-gonna tell yo' thet sto'y about thet time when i went up t'thet bonkers pub called 'wether spoon' about thet fight between th' wimmen
- Oh, yessuh yo' batter git started then i ain't got long, gotta git t'wawk soon
-oh right, basically, me an' mah mates went up thar t'see some friends, an' one woomin was hangin' onto a man, an' t'other woomin came an' started grabbin' up th' man tryin' t'make him git up an' th' fella was drunk as hell he jest c'dn't stan' up straight. so t'other woomin got angry an' grabbed t'other woomin's hair an' ripped out her blonde