'Till Divorce Do Us Part

| ‘Till Divorce Do Us Part? | An argumentative essay against the legalization of divorce in the Philippines. | | John Louis Tan | |

Outline:
Topic: Legalization of divorce in the Philippines (Against)
Thesis Statement: Although divorce may seem like an immediate solution to family problems like battered wife, and abused children. Its long term negative effects will outweigh these immediate solutions. I. Introduction A. Definition of Divorce B. Differentiating Divorce and Annulment C. Thesis Statement II. Body A. Cons of Divorce B. Pros of Divorce C. Rebuttal D. Alternatives for Divorce III. Conclusion A. Summary B. Closing Statement

The highest form of relationship between a man and a woman is being married; it is what every serious relationship should end up with; it should be the thing that makes a relationship stable; it is when we are sure that we will have someone whom we would spend the rest of our life with; that is because marriage is a lifetime commitment; a commitment to someone whom we would like to share the rest of our lives with. It is a lifetime commitment to have and to hold that someone; for better or for worse; for richer or for poorer; in sickness and in health; till death do us part. These are vows in which a person willingly committed to; therefore there should be no reason why someone would go back on their word and file for a divorce. Although divorce may seem like an immediate solution to family problems like battered wife, and abused children. Its long term negative effects will outweigh these immediate solutions.
For those who are not familiar with divorce, let me enlighten you. Merriam-Webster Dictionary will tell us that divorce is the action or an instance of legally dissolving a marriage. That is undeniably a correct and precise definition, and the first time we read it, it seems like a good thing; for those who are unhappy in their marriages. But when we read it carefully, it says that it is to dissolve a marriage, to dissolve. How can something as important as a marriage be gone just like that? To be dissolved just like that?
Not to be confused, divorce is different from annulment, while divorce is to legally dissolve and end a marriage; annulment is the judicial or ecclesiastical pronouncement declaring a marriage invalid. To put it in simpler terms, divorce is to end a marriage, while annulment is to nullify the whole marriage. Which is why I prefer annulment rather than divorce, in my opinion divorce is like saying “I do not want to be married anymore” while annulment is like saying “I did not want to be married in the first place” Either way I do not believe in ending a marriage, because I believe that divorce is not the solution for failed marriages; it is the consequence for wrong and harsh decisions made by both parties of these failed marriages. The solution for this problem is smart and careful decision-making.
Everything in this world has different sides; the good or the bad; the positive or the negative; the pros and the cons. Sometimes, they can be equal and balanced, but in most cases they are not. And these opposing sides are what help us in making decisions; we weigh both sides, and of course choose the one that we think would benefit us most. In this case, I think the cons weigh more than the pro, which is why I am choosing to vote against divorce. Since I am against divorce, I am going to start with the cons. First of all, I want to emphasize on this first and most important fact, since this is the reason why were talking about divorce. If we allow divorce, we will be depreciating the value of marriage; we will be diminishing marriage from what used to be something that only death can sever, down to something that can easily end with simple paperwork. My second argument is about culture and tradition, Filipinas are known for their trait of being “pakipot” or “hard to get”. If divorce is legalized I believe that the Filipinas will eventually lose this value, since marriage would not be as serious and eternal as it is supposed to be. Furthermore, Filipinos also have a tradition that a woman should be “preserved” until she is married; it means that she should stay a virgin until she is married; which means that only her husband should have intercourse with her. If divorce is legalized, women who are divorced, eventually, will have to look for a new partner. Since Filipinos are traditional, being married previously might be a disadvantage for her.
Additionally, my next arguments are all about the children, which are the most important factors to talk about, since they are the ones whom will be, affected the most. In fact, divorces almost always have a negative impact on children; whether psychologically, educationally, emotionally, physically or socially. Starting with the psychological effects, children who have experienced divorce are three times more likely to need psychological help from professionals than children who have both parents with them; since they tend to be more aggressive, especially for boys, also seventy percent of all prison inmates have divorced parents. Moreover, in educational effects, children who have experienced divorce get lower results in school than children who have both parents with them; also, they are two times more likely to drop out of high school. Furthermore, in emotional effects, children who have divorced parents are lonely, unhappy, anxious and insecure than those who have parents with intact marriages; they are also two times more likely to have suicidal tendencies. Believe it or not, divorce also have physical effects on children, statistics show that children with married parents are healthier than children with divorced parents, on the other hand, children with divorced parents have more cases of injury, asthma headaches, and speech defects. Lastly, and perhaps the most influential of these effects, the negative effects divorce causes to children socially, children with divorced parents tend to have a hard time making friends and maintaining relationships. Peers say that they are less pleasant to be around with; so they prefer not to be friends with them; while studies show that children with divorced parents are four times more likely to have relational problems with peers, not just that, studies also show that one out of ten children from divorce experience broken marriages when they have their own, similar to what they have experienced as a child.
Not just that, there will also be the long and costly battle for custody between the two parents, which will cause nothing but negative effects to the children, seeing their parents’ constant fighting even after their divorce. And no matter which parent wins the battle for custody, the children will still be torn between the two parents. Even with visitation rights, living under two roofs is difficult, especially for a child. On the parents’ side, both parents, no matter who gets custody will get to spend less time with their children. There are some issues wherein a father cannot help his son or daughter and the same goes for the mother. A child deserves the guidance of both parents at all times. Also, the parent who will get custody of child will have a really hard time raising the child, since parenting is a job for two, not one; especially in terms of financial support, although there is alimony, these are almost always not enough for the raising of a growing child. My next argument is about friends. Since a couple, before getting divorced, is most probably always together, and since they are always together, they hang out with the same people, and have a same group of friends. Getting a divorce might just jeopardize this group of friends, because no matter what, the members of this group cannot help but take sides, and the group will be split into those who take the man’s side and the woman’s side. And lastly, Philippines is a Catholic country, so most of the people are Catholic, and the Catholic religion does not allow remarrying along with some other religions.
Now, for the pros of divorce, and why they are outweighed by the cons. Divorce’s real purpose is for broken marriages, marriages with irreparable damages. In cases where a wife is battered; or a child is being mistreated and taken advantage of; or a parent is incapable of providing a good growing environment for their child; in serious cases like that. But if divorce is legalized, it will not just give way to these serious cases, it will open up to a lot of cases that are not even close to serious.
Next, if a household is ridden with constant bickering and fights between parents, a child will undoubtedly be traumatized, and divorce can help this problem go away. But is this constant bickering and fighting enough reason for them to have a divorce? They might just be unhappy with something about each other; they could seek for marriage counseling first. On the other hand, if a spouse is really unhappy with their partner, divorce is a possible solution to their problem. If a spouse feels like their partner is holding them back and preventing them from achieving their happiness in life, divorce could be a solution, but again, is that enough reason for divorce? Is their happiness that important that they would destroy a family? Additionally, a spouse would be able to do things they could not do when they were married, but again, that is their own happiness. There is nothing wrong with fulfilling our own happiness, as long as it does not jeopardize the happiness and rights of others; we should also consider the welfare of others. Despite its many negative effects on the children, somehow, divorce also has a good effect on the children. Since the children will practically be living with one parent at a time, they will learn to be more independent, doing things for themselves. But still, the negative effects outweigh the positive effects too much.
And lastly, the greatest argument for pro-divorce in the Philippines; that it is the only country left not legalizing divorce yet. The Filipinos are unique people, they are known for their values and traditions, and how they stand by their principles to their deaths. Filipinos are traditional people and that is part of what makes us a good country, we stand by our principles, we do not have to follow the footsteps of other countries. We are different from them; therefore we cannot be compared to them. Like other countries wherein relationships are not taken as seriously as in the Philippines, wherein courtship is considered a very important step in a relationship between a man and a woman. Also, we are unlike other countries wherein intercourse is not as sacred as we treat it; wherein “one night stands” are more spread-out unlike in the Philippines. Other countries like America also have a place where one can get married in a night without preparations whatsoever, Las Vegas. In which, without surprise, is full of liquor, alcohol and is well known to be a place of partying. We can just imagine how different we treat marriage from other countries. We should not feel left behind just because we still have not legalized divorce yet, we just have our own traditions; our own values; and our own beliefs, which all of the other countries do not and will not understand. We are not left behind, in fact, we are one step ahead.
Personally, I fully believe that divorce is not the solution to the problem of broken marriages, rather decision making is. I believe that people nowadays moves in a pace too fast for them to handle, the pace is too fast for them that they do not notice the decisions they have made until they are finally facing the consequences. I think that we should slow down the pace a bit; bite only what we can chew. Before making important and crucial decisions, we should think about it carefully and consider every possibility, then after thinking about it over and over, think about it again. They say prevention is the best cure, so we should prevent broken marriages from happening, let us make smart and planned decisions. For this to happen, we have to let everyone know the serious consequences of wrong decisions, we have to let them be more aware. Awareness, everyone deserves to know these mistakes and learn from them; part of making a mistake is to realize what we did wrong and to learn from it so that we will not make the same mistake again. If everyone knew the consequences for their actions, then they would think twice before doing something, but if they knew the consequences and still proceeded to make the decision, then they have no one else to blame but themselves.
For those who are already married and experiencing an unhappy marriage, do not give up easily, divorce or separation is not the solution, they should seek counseling for their marriages; work on their problems; communicate about their problems, remember what they liked about their partners when they married them, there has to be reason why they married them in the first place. Think before we act, consider the children, and all the hardships they will have to go through if we have a divorce. Divorce is not really the solution to marital problems, it is a remedy. Even if we get divorced, we are still going to be hurt, we are still going to have to pay for the lawyers; in other words, the damage has been done. So in the end, planning and proper decision making still is the only solution to this problem. Summing it up, although divorce does seem like a good solution to marital problems at first sight, but in reality that is just the easy way out, and easy way outs does not come free, they come with consequences, they may not affect us, but they are going to affect our children and the people around us. I mentioned earlier that everything has their own sides, the good and the bad, and we are the ones who are going to choose what benefits us most. In my opinion, I see more negative outcomes than positive ones. And remember, we are not left behind, we are one step ahead. Now that my essay is finished, and I have presented the facts, you be the judge. Do we share the same insight that Philippines is not yet ready for divorce? After carefully choosing and deciding, do you think that the negative outcomes outweigh the positive outcomes? But no matter what you believe in, I hope that you would join me in making people more aware of the consequences. And I challenge you, can you make the right decisions?

References:
-http://www.abs-cbnnews.com/-depth/06/03/11/divorce-ph-pros-and-cons
-http://taraletstalk.blogspot.com/2011/06/divorce-bill-weighing-pros-and-cons.html
-http://ebusinesspress.net/2013/01/07/is-the-philippines-ready-for-a-divorce-law/
-http://debate.yukozimo.com/pros-and-cons-of-divorce/
-http://reachforthesky.wordpress.com/2010/11/10/separation-and-divorce-pros-and-cons/
-http://www.legalzoom.com/marriage-divorce-family-law/divorce/whats-legal-difference-between
-http://www.seasite.niu.edu/Tagalog/love.htm
-http://www.children-and-divorce.com/children-divorce-statistics.html
-http://www.gmanetwork.com/news/story/222013/news/world/phl-now-only-nation-in-the-world-without-divorce-malta-gives-in

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