Abandon Monologue

I cannot tell you how many times people have abandoned me. Seen them Triumph over me! Left me for dead! They wanted nothing to do with me; rather, it was their insecurities or demons, but it somehow felt like I was the one punished. I looked for you, God, and felt like I could not find you! I felt like I couldn't find you in my pain, hurt, abandonment, and depression. I kept looking, crying out, waiting for you to show up to rescue me! Rescue me from these enemies. They persecute me without cause. Psalm 32:8 psalm 70:1, I was hoping you would save me from the pain and tears I cried throughout my midnight hours! Sometimes, I felt I wouldn't make it until the morning, yet the sun would come through, reminding me that I had to get up and experience more pain. Well, that's how I felt at the time,
Have compassion on me, please! I feel like I'm walking in the wilderness with no one to guide, love, hold, or rescue me. I started to wonder if you had left me. Abandon me just like everyone else. I started to give up. I started to exist and merely not feel like living. But as I continued to seek, you continued to answer me! You continue to find me at my lowest point and carry me back to your pasture (Psalm 28:9). You would come to see me in my darkest hours and be so quiet that I barely knew you were there (Psalm 23:4). I only knew you had visited me because you blessed me with your presence to last throughout the night. In the midnight hours, you were so quiet that I almost mistook it for a pen drop or hallucinations of staying up all night weeping and crying. Did I ask myself countless times how long, Lord? How long will I suffer (Psalm 13:2)? How long will I feel pain? How long will you remain silent? How long will you not rescue me from tears and pain? In church, they speak about your promises and love, but never in a million years did I believe I would be persecuted without reason or for doing the right