An Open-Letter to My Best Friend

I miss you.

I wish I could be there; other than be literally beside you, I also want an escape and you know how Baguio ranks a special place in my heart.

I don’t have a lot to say about your situtation because I really don’t know how to pick the right words though I know that you understand that, I still feel bad, of course. Some say that listening is the best one could offer, I just beg to disagree. Some day, maybe I’ll learn how to say something useful even if I don’t know what to say.

I did cry while you were. I’m vulnerable to tears.

Lately, I’m like a dry leaf falling from a tree but a spider web caught me so I’m sort of holding on to something but I don’t fully understand why, still. “In-the-middle-feeling.” I also have my moments but I don’t know how to tell my stories properly because I am afraid to mislead people on a wrong level of emotion towards my plot. I want my listener to see, hear, feel, and understand my story the way I do and this is impossible so I just keep my mouth shut.

I have to pause and think … what to say next?

I promise you, there will come a time in your life that I’ll find a way to make destiny payback all your hurtings.

I just want to let you know that I am not the perfect friend you could have but I want to be~ a mother, an older sister, anything you need but I just realized that I also have my fucking issue so I can’t.

Life is really unfair.

And if only sadness could be cut into halves like a bitter pie, I’m willing to eat more than half our yours. This, I could do but can’t because pain isn’t a pie that rots and can be thrown away, pain isn’t a pie that can be shared to all, pain isn’t as easy as pie.

I honestly have no idea how to end this letter but I really need to let you know that I care a lot. I don’t know how to make you feel it but I do so I am making this~ to let you know that I spend time to think about how to make you feel better but I always say hello to a dead end.

Can’t happiness be