Andrew Bernard Monologue

INT. OFFICE - ANDY'S DESK - DAY

Andy behind his desk, a landline phone pressed up against his ear.

ANDY

Hey Mom. Did you see it?

(beat)

Yeah. I did that all by myself.

(beat)

Thanks, only took me three hours.

andy's talking head:

ANDY

When people think of Andrew Bernard, people think goodlooking, multi-talented, super salesman. And now, people will think artist.

Andy lifts up a copy of Ranger Rick magazine. The magazine is opened on a page with crude drawings on it. He points to a drawing of a man on the top right corner of the page.

ANDY(CONT'D)

I've finally been published. I had to get everyone I know a copy. The stores were sold out - I'm not surprised. Had to go to a dentist and three doctor consolting rooms.

INT. OFFICE -
phyllis

It says here you're eleven. Did you lie about your age?

ANDY

No - maybe. But that's not important. What's important is that I'm a published artist now.

JIM

If you didn't lie about your age, how do we know that this isn't another Andrew Bernard?

Dwight stares at the drawing.

DWIGHT

He's going to sell paper with those little hands like that?

Dwight smirks at the camera.

PAM

This kid has a bright future--

ANDY

Okay! Yes! I lied about my age, alright. The point is that I was good enough to make it into the magazine, something Pam has never achieved. No offense, Pam.

Pam frowns.

PHYLLIS

This is wrong Andy.

OSCAR

Yeah you should'nt have lied.

Michael strides out of his office.

MICHAEL

Come on guys what's with all the working, lets get our game on. Wohooo!

PAM

Andy is showing

Michael reads the magazine. He snorts.

MICHAEL

How's he going to sale paper with those small hands?

DWIGHT

That's what I said!

ANDY

Fine. If you guys want to take my achievement away from me than I'll take it away from you first.

Andy grabs the magazine out of their hands.

DWIGHT TALKING HEAD:

DWIGHT

I wanted to keep the magazine. I wasn't done helping the baby hamster find his mom.

(beat)

I feel