Anxiety Disorder

Vatsala Jha
10/18/14
Clovis, 3
Overcoming Anxiety

Are you or do you know anyone, experiencing anxiety panic attacks? Anxiety has been a lifelong problem for me, but what is anxiety? People have anxiety disorders that are mental disorders characterized by feelings of fear and unease. Anxiety can work its way through one’s mental and physical state, causing disturbances in their everyday life. It is a very unpleasant state, accompanied by nervousness and generalized as an overreaction to a situation. As for me, anxiety has been a problem since my childhood that resulted in several obstacles, which I later learned to combat and live in harmony with. Most first graders are always excited to go to school on their first day to meet their old friends and make new ones, to start with a clean slate and to strive to be better than the previous year. I felt like an outsider, not being able to feel the same way out of fear. On my first day of first grade, I woke up at 8 in the morning to an upset stomach of fear. I did not want to go to school. I did not want to leave my mom. I did not want other children judging me at school. “You should be excited to go to school today. It’s your first day! Don’t worry at all, you’ll be fine,” said my mother in an encouraging tone. As I got ready for school, I tired but failed to ignore the butterflies and the lump in my throat as I worried about how I would make it through the entire day of school. I was strangled by thoughts like: Which one of my friends will I run into first? Will my teachers like me? What if I’m late to class and become that girl that walked in late on the first day? I walked to my bus holding my mother’s hand and looking down at the floor. I saw the large yellow bus and felt this sudden rush of tears rolling down my face while my mother tried to force me onto the bus. Once I got on the bus, the older children looked like monsters who were about to attack me so I quietly sat in a seat and looked out the window for the entire ride, my anxiety building with every passing minute. I finally spotted my school and my teacher through my window. She gave me a friendly and inviting smile as she signaled to come out of the bus. As I walked out, I saw the other children as well. I let out a breathe of air. Maybe this wont be so bad after all. Throughout the day, I started feeling better as I made new friends and engaged in the activities my cool new teacher had planned. Since that day, my fear of going to first grade slowly was fading away. However, it did not fade permanently. As I came to middle school, my anxiety of going to school was still present, however, entering a school with a new sport to participate took my anxiety to a different level. I was always interested in joining a sport like cross country, which I was never exposed to but wanted to try it anyway. On the first day of practice, I noticed how many of the other students were so excited, thrilled even, to run and how everyone was already experienced in running. As practice finished, I was ranked the last person to finish the run. Since that day, every morning I would get an upset stomach because I was nervous for practice. Every day, the questions would go through my head: What if I come last again? Are people going to make fun of me? Will I be kicked off the team? This constant nervousness lasted throughout my cross country season. However, as the season finished, I realized that no matter how slow I was, I was still determined to stick to the team and not give up. I ended up improving my running time, was no longer the last person to finish a run, and developed the motivation to get out of my comfort zone. As a student in middle school, I did not know who I was and what I wanted to be yet I persisted and made it to every practice despite the nauseating feeling that accompanied me throughout the day as a result of my anxiety. Although surviving my cross-country season was a struggle, it gave me the courage to face my fears and find who I truly am in high school. Cross-country helped me discover which sports I enjoyed playing like golf. During the golf season, as usual I was nervous to try out for the team that I was absolutely positive that I would not make it due to my lack in experience. With my sister’s encouragement, I tried out for the team and was shocked when my coach said I was the only new person selected on the team. Even though I still had anxiety for being on the golf team, I learned quickly and improved as a player through the techniques I used in middle school. This helped me improve my grades academically and bring out the talents and skills that were hidden under due to my anxiety. Through these experiences, I learned to never give up no matter how hard something becomes. Nothing diminishes anxiety faster than action. The more one works on their dream or goal, the faster anxiety fades away. I have often face situations that make me feel uncomfortable and nervous however, I have learned to successfully overcome my negative thoughts and fear by working hard. I made my weakness into my strength by developing the skilled which made me the hard worker I am today because of my anxiety disorder. The harder I work, the more confident I become which shows how I got through the barriers in my life which once was beginning my first day of first grade to finding myself as a person through sports. Even though anxiety will always be on my side, I live in harmony with it by allowing my determination to overcome it.