Love is known to be patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (Holy Bible, 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7). Unfortunately not everyone is lucky enough to have it. In several countries it is a tradition to have an arranged marriage. Most people find love then get married while others are married and then have to learn to love one another (Pooja). But it’s not so easy to fall in love with someone when it’s against your will.
Since the beginning of time we’ve constantly had some structure of arranged marriages, from Adam and Eve to the first caveman and cavewomen. The only difference is that they had no one else to choose from. The Caste system gave birth to arrange marriages, as the upper caste families didn’t want their children to marry outside their community and caste (Pooja). An arranged marriage is an ancient tradition that has followed us to the 21st century. Although there has been a decrease in arranged marriages since the 19th century it still exists(San Francisco Chronicle). Some say bash the tradition and follow one’s heart while others follow the rules and abide by their parents. The single fault in not being able to follow one’s heart is that if the person doesn’t fall in love with their husband, then what is the point in that? For the rest of their life they’ll have to live with the person they don’t feel affection for.
Many cultures from different countries have a variety of traditions and in most cultures, particularly the ones in the East, an arranged marriage is one of them. From countries like India and China an arranged marriage is very normal, while in other countries it is uncommon. Surprisingly lots of people all over the world prefer an arranged marriage and send money to an organization for a mail order bride from eastern countries (The China Post News Staff). An arranged marriage isn’t for everyone. Most would rather find true love then be setup with someone they don’t care for. According to Anita Jain, a journalist at NYMag, living the single life of an American Indian is intensely demanding. Relatives are always pressuring her to find a guy and asking when is she going to get married. The only problem is that all the men her family sets her up with have no personality. She’s dated a few men who were not Indian but the relationships went nowhere since her family did not approve. Her father’s requirements for her future husband is that he has to be Indian and either a doctor or an engineer or make lots of money. In Anita’s article, Is Arranged Marriage Really Any Worse Than Craigslist? she discusses the issues that she faces as a modern Indian women’s struggle with arranged marriage. Luckily, her parents let her pick and choose. Unfortunately, not all families are lenient enough to let their children marry whomever they want, especially those who are very strict on tradition. In many Asian customs an arranged marriage is certain when in a very traditional family. Most eastern families are very strict with their traditions and when disobeyed consequences will be the result. In a lot of Eastern countries when parents are disobeyed it means that the child has disgraced the family and shamed them. Honor is the most important thing to most of these families and some are beaten or threatened until they consent (San Francisco Chronicle). According to the San Francisco Chronicle a Muslim lady was married against her will. Her mother threatened to commit suicide and her father beat her until she consented. She fled the unwanted marriage for a German man that she was dating before the setup. When her family found out her brother hunted her down and killed her for dishonoring the family.
In another instance, a adolescent Turkish girl raised in Berlin was forced to marry her cousin in Istanbul at age sixteen. She later defied her parents and got a divorce. The Turkish girl was pregnant and returned to her parents in Berlin to give birth to the couple’s son. She then decided to finished high school. Afterwards, she graduated and discarded the traditional Islamic head scarf. She began working as an electrician and lived alone with her son. Her family felt disgraced by their daughter and so her two brothers tricked her out of the house to meet at a bus stop. When she arrived and killed her because she divorced her husband, refused to cover her head, lived alone and dated men (San Francisco Chronicle). Some of these ladies who were forced into arranged marriages were lucky enough to find assistance when they left their spouses. There are a few non-profit organizations that provide shelter and new identities to help protect these women. But they still fear for their lives wondering if their families would find them or not (San Francisco Chronicle). In the article Muslim girls in Austria Fighting Forced Marriages from the San Francisco Chronicle, a Hindu women was forced to leave her long-time fiancé in New Delhi and marry an older man. She later divorces and moves away from her family. Even though several years has passed since the divorce, she still lives in fear that her family will find her. She now works as a nurse and still gets psychological counseling. Arranged marriages can end up blissful while some end up with disaster. A few women who stayed in their arranged marriages found love and kindness in their relationship. Others who stayed weren’t as fortunate and found hatred and wickedness in their marriage. Some of the daughters who were stuck in an discontented arranged marriage were beaten by their husbands and in-laws for making small mistakes. Daughters were abused and assaulted to tears and before they could get a chance to dry up their tears they were beaten again (Verma). No matter how badly they were beaten they would stay in the relationship to uphold the honor of their parents. Arranged marriages across the world are different. Many turn out to be pleasant while others are dreadful. Deep down inside all people prefer to pick and choose who they would like to spend the rest of their live with. Some get the chance while others don’t. Love and happiness are essential in a marriage whether it was developed before or after the wedding. Marriage is based on empathy, responsibility, commitment, love and concern (Pooja). Without them there will be no dedication or effort to sustain the relation and without a relation the what is the point in marriage.
Works Cited
China Post News Staff, The. "Arranged marriage restrictions proposed." Online posting. 20 Sept. 2007. 6 Mar. 2009 .
Geiger, Eric. "Muslim girls in Austria fighting forced marriages." San Francisco Chronicle 4 Dec. 2005: A - 15. 5 Mar. 2009 < http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2005/12/04/MNGH0G1B7L1.DTL&hw=Muslim+girls+in+Austria+fighting+forced+marriages&sn=001&sc=1000>.
Holy Bible, New International Version. Nashville: Cornerstone, 1999.
Jain, Anita. "Is Arranged Marriage Really Any Worse Than Craigslist?" New York News and Features. 28 Mar. 2005. New York Media LLC. 5 Mar. 2009 .
Pooja. "Love Marriage versus Arranged!" i News India. 24 July 2008. 5 Mar. 2009 .
"Traditions of Arranged Marriages in China." China Style. Oracle ThinkQuest Library. 6 Mar. 2009 .
Verma, Prem P. "Cry, Daughter, Cry ..." Online posting. 30 Jan. 2009. Boloji. 6 Mar. 2009 .
Cited: China Post News Staff, The. "Arranged marriage restrictions proposed." Online posting. 20 Sept. 2007. 6 Mar. 2009 . Geiger, Eric. "Muslim girls in Austria fighting forced marriages." San Francisco Chronicle 4 Dec. 2005: A - 15. 5 Mar. 2009 < http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2005/12/04/MNGH0G1B7L1.DTL&hw=Muslim+girls+in+Austria+fighting+forced+marriages&sn=001&sc=1000>. Holy Bible, New International Version. Nashville: Cornerstone, 1999. Jain, Anita. "Is Arranged Marriage Really Any Worse Than Craigslist?" New York News and Features. 28 Mar. 2005. New York Media LLC. 5 Mar. 2009 . Pooja. "Love Marriage versus Arranged!" i News India. 24 July 2008. 5 Mar. 2009 . "Traditions of Arranged Marriages in China." China Style. Oracle ThinkQuest Library. 6 Mar. 2009 . Verma, Prem P. "Cry, Daughter, Cry ..." Online posting. 30 Jan. 2009. Boloji. 6 Mar. 2009 .
You May Also Find These Documents Helpful
-
In societies with reduced mobility, (predominantly non-western cultures) arranged marriages are common as love is expected to grow due to the fact that it is not seen as necessary for marriage. Arranged marriages seem to work well and make good sense as divorce rates are low and Epstein (2002) found that perhaps about half of them report that they have fallen in love with each other.…
- 786 Words
- 4 Pages
Good Essays -
In chapter thirteen, Susan J. Ferguson talks about arranged marriages and how love come from that. I have mix feeling about arranged marriages because it could either go a bad way or you could find the person of your dreams. One of my best friend is from the middle east and that is somehow acceptable or common in her culture. But from what she has tell me is common but not everyone does it because in her religion you cannot force someone to get marry. However, her family does not have any arranged family between them, it depends on your family traditions. In America, we do not have arranged marriages. We go by who we love,does not matter they passes life, family or financial status. Something that people who believe in arrange marriages see.…
- 173 Words
- 1 Page
Satisfactory Essays -
I knew that arranged marriage was prevalent, but not to the extent that the article explains. A particular concept I found interesting was that unarranged marriages created through love, or “love match” have their own name and unique distinction; a very good friend of mine was born in India and frequently expresses the pride he has from his parents being married by love and not by arrangement. This article encouraged me to open my mind and realize how different cultures can be. For example, instead of just expecting food, dress, and language to vary as culture varies, it is important to remind myself that everyday components of the Western culture I know can be very different elsewhere—and that the differences are…
- 465 Words
- 2 Pages
Satisfactory Essays -
Arranged marriage is somewhat offensive to feminist America. There is a level of freedom attached to choosing who and when to marry. Hollywood portrays arranged marriage as the evil separator of lovers, the extinguisher of freedom, and the ultimate subjugation of women. Vogue has an article titled “The Arranged Marriage That Ended Happily Ever After: How My Parents Fell In Love, 30 Years Later.” The article highlights the good points of the couple’s marriage which was arranged years earlier in India. Yet, these people had a thirty-year marriage without the “passionate feelings to glaze over your partner’s flaws in…marriage” (Jacob). Marriage looks clinical and dry this way. However, this is the outside view of arranged marriage. Cultural customs…
- 691 Words
- 3 Pages
Good Essays -
Serena Nanda fails to write an impartial argument for arranged marriages versus "love match" marriages like those in the United States. She neglects to present the positive aspects of choosing a partner for marriage opting instead to keep the focus on the negatives. Her argument for arranged marriages is weak and unfocused leaving the reader to doubt her logic. In her attempt to persuade the reader to supporting arranged marriages, she actually emphasizes the negative effects of them. Reading Arranging A Marriage in India, strengthens the idealistic values of romantic love and exposes the flaws of arranged marriage including the extreme limitation of potential partners, inexperience and ignorance of the people, excessively traditional and sexist…
- 660 Words
- 3 Pages
Good Essays -
In the article “I’m Happy with an Arranged Marriage” by Gitangeli Sapra it discusses her view of arranged marriages. Ms. Gitangeli is for arranged marriage, she stated that people who get married for “love” has a 40% rate of divorce. She also states that arranged marriages have a lower rate of divorce for the fact that the couples do not want to start a wrath between their families.…
- 462 Words
- 2 Pages
Satisfactory Essays -
Every country and every religion have their own traditions. It is what makes their culture different from each other. The American and Indian cultures have a vast differentiation between them. While the culture of America is a mixture of different cultures, the Indian culture is unique and has its own values. Even though dating and marriage have the same meaning to him and her in every culture, the meaning of their relationships and wedding celebrations to him and her are different.…
- 544 Words
- 3 Pages
Satisfactory Essays -
It is natural for everyone to need or have or want a companion to shares their lives with. It is thought normal of young adults to want a spouse and a family of their own. In relationships it is that passion “falling in love” is the dominant aspect of young adults (Berger, 2010, p.412) Intimacy is when two people know each other well enough to share secrets, as well as engage in sexual activity. Commitment is more time consuming and requires work, dedication, shares possessions, in some cases child-rearing responsibilities, and the capacity to forgive. In some international familes arranged marriages commitment is first before intimacy and passion. Domestic violence sometimes occurs but male figures of the bride usually oversees common ground is the husband is too demanding. Arranged marriages hardly ever do divorce, there’s tremendous effort in keeping the family together as well as social and family support is offered.…
- 1303 Words
- 6 Pages
Better Essays -
We were 12 in Mrs. White’s six grade class. We had so much in common, we were the only brown skinned among a sea of white skinned, blonde hair, and blue eyes. We were at the top of the class with straight A’s, and we shared an unspoken familiarity that neither of us understood, but accepted. She was my “bestie” and I her “bosom buddy”, and we shared our worlds, ideas, thoughts, and aspirations.…
- 797 Words
- 4 Pages
Good Essays -
After reading the article Arranging a Marriage in India my first thoughts were why would any man or woman want to marry someone they are unfamiliar with, no nothing about them. I had the same mind as Serena Nanda who is the woman who got to experience it all while her trip to India. Of course my opinions had changed after reading the article, although I never had a problem with arranged marriages because I had been aware that some cultures do that as a lifestyle, but the idea of it kind of sounding like the parents are selling the daughter. As Serena mentions that how in the U.S we find the one we love and then marry after a few years of dating if it’s the right one of course, but now divorce rate is very high and it’s usually because it’s cheating or you just get tired of being with the same person. But how a women in India see it, they marry the guy that the parents have arranged them with and they seem to have a very flow and happy marriage, but how can that be? Is what I ask myself? They are people who have never talked or seen before yet they enjoy each other, although I like the idea on how when they marry they get to know each other and they aren’t tired of each other because it’s just the beginning of their marriage, it’s kind of like dating in U.S only they’re married. They interview with Sita, Sita mentions on how her parents have experience and they know what’s best for her when picking the right guy for her to get married with. While they are picking boys for her Sita doesn’t experience dating her parents do all the work for and all she does is goes to school and enjoys her youth she has more time to spend on her life instead of worrying about the man she might marry or boys. Sita’s reasoning was very understandable and I feel like I connect to that idea and that maybe it wouldn’t be a bad idea to have an arranged marriage, but I know that it really isn’t for me. Education in man is very important when the parents of a soon to be bride is looking…
- 875 Words
- 2 Pages
Satisfactory Essays -
Pros: In arranged marriages, the decision whether to get married with a particular individual is taken with the involvement of many people. The biggest benefit is that there is a conscious attempt to match the two families as well as the bride and groom on the parameters of social status, financial strength, background, educational opportunities and similar lifestyle. This is a cool-headed decision that is thought to tremendously increase the likelihood of the marriage succeeding.…
- 838 Words
- 4 Pages
Better Essays -
Arranged marriages are done in around 60% of the world because the system works. In Asia, mainly India and China, arranged marriages are the main form of marriage though this has decreased as science the 18th century. To the parents, choosing their child’s spouse is much more beneficial for the family than the child picking someone that might not be the best fit for the family. Because the parents get to pick, they can chaise someone who is close to the families’ roots, someone who shares the same values of the parents, and someone who will preserve their families culture in future generations. The benefits also work as a union of families, economically and socially as the two families will become more powerful united with each other. The article, Arranged Marriages, by Jefferson M. Fish, Ph.D.…
- 761 Words
- 4 Pages
Good Essays -
They are better described as well aged traditions, rather than antiquated. Regardless of these erroneous beliefs, arranged marriages are changing to better suit the current time period. These changes involve adding prohibitions, on things like dowries, and minimizing the importance of caste (Marriage). Some might argue that arranged marriages leave people closed minded and, regardless of the benefits, belittle the children involved. Contrary to this belief, most children approve of their parents choosing their spouses, because they believe that their parents are more knowledgeable and truly do know what is best for them (Traditional Arranged Marriages). Since the children understand and believe this fact, they are able to work with their parents in the process and their feelings and emotions are taken into consideration. If anything, the children are maturing and being propelled into adulthood because of the arranged marriage…
- 675 Words
- 3 Pages
Good Essays -
Marriages are divided into four groups, these are the following groups; "forced arranged marriage", "parents or guardians select the the individuals are consulted", "individuals select and the parents or guardians are consulted", "individuals select and the parents or guardians are neither consulted". There is a controversy started by the human rights movement that it isn't ethical to let your parents choose your partner for life. The Human rights movement actually considers it a violate to womans rights as the man is near always the dominant one in these kind of marriages. The Human rights movement is also trying to prevent arranged marriages as it is a part of one of their campaigns right now. Many people use these arranged marriages only for wealth if the family of one individual is poor and they set up a marriage with a wealthy person, without even thinking about the brides or the grooms feelings toward each other. In conclusion i recommend to always go with the normal marriages of the western world where if you love someone you marry them without anyone else's consent, arranged marriages are just to f'd up and neither partners will be happy in that kind of…
- 446 Words
- 2 Pages
Satisfactory Essays -
Can you picture yourself marrying, sleeping, or spending the rest of your life with a stranger? Someone you don’t love? Arranged marriages are very common for people in India (Nanda). Parents find their kids a partner with good education, same social class, and decent appearance (Nanda). They want to give their kids a good shot in life. But, what about love? Shouldn’t one marry the love of their life? A disrespect towards the real meaning of marriage I could say. When you are told who to marry, it’s overstepping the limit of your personal life.…
- 1492 Words
- 6 Pages
Powerful Essays