Beating the Statistics

Heather Rajski
English 093-A5B
Argument/Persuasive Essay Draft #1
10-31-2012

"Beating the Statistics"

Statistics show eighty-five percent of youth in prison, seventy-one percent of high school dropouts, ninety percent of homeless and runaway children have an absent father. Fatherless children and youth exhibit higher levels of: depression and suicide, delinquency and teen pregnancy, behavioral problems, illicit and licit substance abuse, diminished self-concepts, and are more likely to be victims of exploitation and abuse (Kruk 49). I believe both parents should be equally responsible in raising a child, physically and emotionally. Both parents should help each other raising a child to set an example of how a family should look like instead of putting everything on just one of them. If both parents work as a team in up-bringing a child it enriches the child's life, giving him or her much more stimulus along with enhancing self-confidence and influences their personality. Ultimately both parents influence the future life of a child and how he or she will perceive the world, along with their levels of happiness, morality and productiveness, and their academic successfulness. Many studies have been performed to establish the results of raising children in single parent families compared to equally responsibility parenting families on childhood development. For example, research was conducted on children's point of views on equal parenting from split and divorced families the resulted studies known seventy percent of children want equal amounts of emotional and physical attention from both parents ( Kruk 39). Additional studies indicated children who barely spent time with their fathers displayed more behavior and emotional problems resulting also with struggles through school (Kruk 40). Respecting and honoring a child's point of view gives them a sense of purpose therefore validates their importance which essentially boost their levels of: happiness, self-confidence and academic achievements. "Research evidence continues to support the benefits for children of involved fathering. Children of highly involved fathers show greater cognitive competence and academic achievement and have higher self-esteem, fewer behavior problems, and greater social competence with peers and siblings" (Buckley & Schoppe-Sullivan 414) Being a single mother of two sons, I can assure everyone I have experienced numerous situations in which the absence of the fathers was a main factor. No where in my plans to become a mother did I ever think about the rules, how to play the game, or that I would be doing it solo. I knew my mother had done it, I thought, yet I also realized she apparently did not make all the best choices in raising me and she had my father present to help. Even though I was raised with both of my parents physically in the home, reflecting back on how I was raised my mom did everything plus worked full time, my father was there physically but not emotionally. "Both father involvement and coparenting have been linked empirically to children's socioemotional functioning" (Buckley & Schoppe-Sullivan 413). Therefore at a young age I began searching in others to forefeel a emotional detachment from my fathers lack of emotional participation in his role of my development. "Before and after divorce, children need both parents to be physically and emotionally attuned, involved, and responsive in their lives, and the removal of a primary parent threatens their physical and emotional security" (Kruk 33). Consequently even though my parents remained married and my father was "physically" there, it was like they were divorced because of his lack of emotional involvement and dedication to my mom and his children. Which in turn gave me low self-esteem resulting in me ending up pregnant by the wrong men and becoming a single mother. When a child is raised by both his or her parents equally it is important for their psychical, emotional life. It gives a child opportunity to build relationships with both parents. It enriches their childhood as well as prepares them for adulthood. The child becomes self-confident thanks to both parents that made them feel important and the child also knows his or her parents are interested in them and love them. However for being a single mother I have done the best I can. At times being the one solely responsible for parenting two adolescent boys, becomes overwhelming and stressful for me. I feel as a woman I am not fully capable of being a role model and teaching my sons fathering skills to become morally sound productive men. "Parents were the most important educators of their children as long ago as pre-historic times. Before history was recorded, evidence indicates that parents were nurtures and educators of their children through modeling, care giving, and guidance. They imparted skills, mores, and values of the time, influenced by their life experiences, the environment in which they lived, and their culture" (Berger 210). Children learn more from what they see, then what their told, significantly action has always spoken louder then words. It deeply hurts me that my sons miss out on things a responsible father would do such as playing football, teaching them about puberty, learning them the names of different tools in the garage or how to use them properly to work on cars or houses, yet most importantly how to treat women respectively and how to be a good dad. I am well aware of the fact in some cases when parents split up or go through a divorce, one of them may want the child all to themselves, acting out of spite wanting to cause problems and hurt the other parent. Even though it is damaging and selfish to make it all about themselves instead of the child involved. I can honestly say a separation of the parents can be a chance for both parents to cooperate, so they will share in equal responsibility of raising their child and want the best for everyone. Some fathers are robbed from their parental rights because the mothers use their children as leverage or bait to get even with the fathers for things not going the way they had planned. That to me is not only neglect but a form of abuse to both the father and child involved. It teaches the child to be spiteful and act hateful, as the child ages though it back fires on them. Fathers have just as much rights to be involved in their children's lives as mothers do and the court has laws to protect them rights for the fathers and children, they just have to take legal steps to peruse them and never giving up, allowing their selves or their child get robbed of the relationship that they both deserve. In conclusion the statistics alone are enough to back up the measure of importance and supreme value of team work of both parents married, divorce or never even a couple taking equal responsibly in raising their child. This information is vital to future parents or even young people who do not even have a family started yet. Ultimately equal responsibility of both parents in raising a child is the only way to "beat the statistics" and ensure positive results of their children's future lives or how their children will perceive the world, including their level of happiness, morality and productiveness, and their academic successfulness.

Works Cited
Berger, E.H. "Parent Involvement: Yesterday And Today." Elementary School Journal 91.3 (1991): 209. Academic Search Premier. Web. 31 Oct. 2012.

Buckley, Catherine K., and Schoppe-Sullivan, Sarah J. "Father Involvement And Coparenting Behavior: Parents' Nontraditional Beliefs Anf Family Earner Status As Moderators." Personal Relationships !7.3 (2010): 413-431. Academic Search Premier. Web. 24 Oct. 2012.

Kruk, Edward. "Arguments For An Equal Parental Responsibility Presumption In Contested Child Custody." American Journal Of Family Therapy 40.1 (2012): 33-55. Academic Search Premier. Web. 24 Oct. 2012.