Been Confronted With Conflict

In the past whenever I was confronted with conflict, whether it being in person or online. I normally tried to first get the facts straight. Who was the person, what was their problem with me, and how was I involved. I’m naturally a problem solver someone attempts to have a rational discussion in an effort to come up with some solution. I was taught from a young age to try and handle confrontation which involves someone intentionally bringing physical or verbal harm to a person in a manner that no one would get hurt. With that being said by no means am I afraid to defend myself, being raised in a big family 8 brothers and 5 sisters I can surely hold my own. However growing up in elementary school I was picked on and teased for being really
Fast-forward to middle school I was a different person, I wasn’t scared to tell a girl I didn’t like her or the way she was acting. Often times it did escalate or in other words increase rapidly and led to a screaming match, looking back now I can laugh at how naïve and immature it all was. I can also recall the dumb things me and my friends assumed about people by their facial expression/ body movement or to be more technical kinesics. That means the positioning or repositioning of one’s body, for instance we always thought some random girl was mugging or rolling her eyes. We were so full if ourselves literally, we were “popular” well we just knew everybody because our siblings had been going to these same schools for
I became homeschooled, I was livid, friends all gone stuck with my brothers because by then all my sisters had moved out and left for college. The once shy timid girl who became outgoing once again became a shy timid teenager and distance myself from everything and everyone. I had a quick temper and to control it I deactivated myself from the outside world, deactivation is when someone pretends as if you are no longer capable of experiencing certain emotions. The only conflict I had through those years were with my brothers and my parents. My relationship with my parents became strained, I tried my hardest to avoid them whenever I was out of my room if I heard them coming I’d turn right back round’ and bolt for my room. If we did get into an argument it turned into a screaming match, me trying to talk over my mother then my stepdad would jump in then I’d would yell “you aren’t even my father so your opinion doesn’t even matter. Looking back now I see was making use of encounter avoidance the process of avoiding interaction with certain individuals. I picked back up my guitar dusted it off and learned how to replay it, my self-esteem went way down meaning the way I viewed myself. I was use to receiving compliments from I use to for validation that I was pretty and good enough, now that I lost that aspect I started to