belonging creativwe writting

It has been a year since I moved out of home to attend a prestigious school. I have met new people, made new friends, and gotten use to moving around this town since when I first arrived. Although I am extremely happy about where I stand today, I’ve started to get this uneasy feeling, is it because I haven’t been feeling well or is it because I’ve started to dream more about those back at my home town.

I’m running late to school again, if mum was here I wouldn’t hear the end of how I’m going to be scolded by the teacher, as much as I hated hearing it I wonder why I’m remembering it now. I got to school 10 min late for the first period. I got scolded by the teacher and got held back in class for the time I lost. I looked out the window and remembered back at school at my home town, always causing mischief and constantly being scolded, I felt a little bit happy and nostalgic mesmerising the past.

It was time for roll call. I had to give a note to the teacher explaining why I was late. Rather than being scolded, he gave me short lesson of advice on how to prioritize my time. At some point I looked around the class seeing all my friends talking and laughing, it reminded me back of back at school in my home town. It was the same, although when the teacher would try to give me advice I would argue, and frustrate the teacher. I acted like a child always thinking I was right. It made me giggle a bit of how much mischief I use to get myself into. The teacher asked me if I found anything he said was funny, I apologised for being rude and listened to what he had to say until the bell for recess rung.

My close friends weren’t at school today, they had a field trip for biology so I sat by myself on the silver seats in the shade and took out my recess. Watching everyone talk and play made me feel a bit lonely, it reminded me of when I first moved here, I thought I wasn’t going to make any friends and I was too shy and afraid to talk to anyone so I sat by myself at recess. Although now it’s different I have good friends here that make me happy.

Then I remembered my childhood friends, all the games we played, all the laughs we had, all the arguments and fights, it felt nostalgic it brought a smile to my face that I haven’t shown in a while and it also hurt me just as much when I remember the day I left to come to this school. I wonder if they still think about me, I wonder how they all are, are they fine, are they doing well, are they still the same even without me being there and causing mischief. I wonder.

Recess finished, and now I have my Health and PE class. When I arrived at class, I found a substitute teacher. He announced that our teacher will not be teaching for the rest of the week as they are sick. Instead of giving out the work he allowed us to have PE for both periods, he gave out a range of sports for us to choose form, once we decided we were playing. Everyone was sweating and laughing and enjoying themselves. I remembered back at my old school in my hometown when we would trick the substitute teacher in letting us play for two periods and the ruckus we caused because of it, it made me laugh a little bit and continued to play.
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Class ended, everyone is tired and exhausted. I went down for lunch and saw my friends; they had come back from their trip. I felt a little relieved it let me forget about a little about leaving my old friends. We talked about their trip and what they did, it seemed like they had a lot of fun.

As we finished our lunch and headed towards the field and we lie down in our usual spot and relax and talk about what ever came to our mind. Without noticing the lunch bell rang and we stayed, everyone was leaving but we were too busy chatting we didn’t notice. Then a girl came running to tell us we’d be scolded again if we were late again after lunch. As we walked towards class I couldn’t take my eyes off her, I’ve had a crush on her since I came to this school, I don’t know why but it feels as though I’ve known her from somewhere. Then once again I remembered the girl I liked in my old school, I could never talk to her, I was too shy despite my mischievous self. I felt a little down because in the end I never told her before I moved and kept thinking if the same would happen again.

During the last two periods I slacked off a little trying to think why I’ve been thinking so much about my old friends, about my home town. I couldn’t come up with an answer, but it hurt, it hurt so much, that I didn’t feel like I belonged here, but why? I’ve made good friends here; I feel at ease, I even have someone I like so why does it hurt so much.

The final bell rang and it was time to head home, I didn’t feel like going home so I took a detour and went the longer way around, a longer way than usual that I didn’t know where I was going but kept going. I found myself on top of a hill; there was a small field of grass going down the hill. I took my bag off and sat down. I remembered that when I always felt upset and lonely I’d run off to a secret spot behind the woods of the park in my home town. There would be a grass field just like this. It calmed me down it made me feel like I was back at home, I felt a little relieved.

I stayed there for a while, until it started to get dark so I headed back home. On my way I bought a few things to make food at home, on my way home I kept thinking how much I wanted to see my friends and family once again, just once would be enough. I got towards my apartment and saw my light on, I ran, I ran as quick as I could, I swung open the door and said “Mom, dad I’m home.” I looked around and there was no one; it looks like I forgot to turn off the light before I left again.

All these old memories of my home town made my edgy, and showed me just how empty I really was. I finally realised why it hurt so much, and why it wouldn’t go away, and why it kept hurting more and more every time I thought about it. The truth was I was trying to cover up the fact that I truly don’t belong here no matter how much I try my heart and memories are anchored back at home and that’s where they’ll stay.