Bilbo Baggins's Monologue From The Hobbit

One night he watched her walk out of his hutch. In the morning, he learned that the VC booby trapped her home. When she opened her door, she had tripped an explosive. That was another way a woman could leave a soldier’s company. As I waited for my refill, I looked out the window. I had told the waitress the nice things about my family. I hadn’t told her what I had told Bao in the parking lot. My father was an educated man. He liked to say that I was born on the same day as Bilbo Baggins. Baggins was a character in Tolkien’s novel “The Hobbit.” Dad was a heavy drinker who frequently hit my mother. When I received my draft notice, he threatened to shoot me if I went to Canada instead the Army. “I’ll track to the Yukon and blow your brains out,” he said.
“I think that was the first place that popped into his mind,” I answered. “My dad said a similar thing,” Bao said. “What did he say,” I asked? “He said he’d hit me so hard that he’d drive my teeth out of my asshole.” Bao said as he took a hit, and we laughed uncontrollably for a while. Bao continued to say, “After the Korean War, he found a job in our town’s tire factory.” “After WW II, my dad took the GI bill and became an English teacher,” I said, “Then, he met my mother at a dance hall where his band played.” “Your father was a musician”?” “He played sax and was the band leader,” I answered. “That must have been cool,” Bao said. “Playing in bars made it convenient for him to drink, and drinking made him want to beat my mother,” I