Birth Order

Dr. Kevin Leman, author of the book. The Birth Order, “why you are the way you are as a psychologist who has been saying for more than thirty five years about the impact of the birth order. Once you figure out your birth order, as well as the birth orders of those who you love, you’ll be way ahead of everyone else in the game of life. If you’re a parent, I’ll reveal and last born. If you’re married, I’ll give you some tips about which birth order combinations make for the smoothest-flowing marriages, and what you can do to make your relationship thrive. If you are in business world, you’ll learn how to use your natural birth order to encouraging your co-workers.
First born children enjoy every special relationship with their parents. They get to receive 100% attention and every accomplishment is treated like a big deal. Because first time parents try very hard to make sure that everything is perfect for their first born son or daughter. Therefore first born children tend to be perfectionists and over-achievers. As Dr. Leman says, “first borns are the presidents, mayors, and PTA presidents.” As Dr. Leman, the middle child does get fewer pages in this book than the other birth orders. One reason for this is that the psychologists don’t know that much about middle children, they are, in fact, a bit mysterious. Whatever personality traits have been adopted by the first born child, the second child will become the opposite. The first two kids in any family are night and day different as Dr, Leman middle children often play the role of peacekeeper in the family, mediating between the older and younger siblings. They have strong social skills and get along well with others. Because middles often feel like fifth wheels that are out of place at home, so no wonder, friends become very important to them. The youngest born in the family grows up with experienced as Dr. Leman “the clowns of the family.” They typically have fewer responsibilities and have more freedom. They are the ones who are far more likely to be willing to take risk and change things. One of his major traits is persistence. He desires for attention makes a last born bold enough to do things that might make other people run for cover. Everyone has to be aware of the variables, the different factors or forces have an impact on each person, no matter what his or her birth order may be. For example, if there is a significant age gap between children, there can be two first born personalities within one family. Gender can also play a role. In interrupting the typical birth order pattern, the first son in a family may be treated by the parents as a first born. In my family we are three sisters. I’m the middle one. My older sister Violet as Dr. Leman is natural leader; she has to know everything about her sisters, even though until now, that three of us are married. She also tend to be reliable, conscientious and perfectionists who don’t like surprises. Every time when we wanted to ask or know something about her life, as usual it ends with our problems and we recognized that she is advising us instead. It is important to her to know that our parents and the others approve her in everything. This and many other maybe little things made her aggressive, she is also a kind of compliant, and wants everything to be perfect, because when she was born my parents learned how to take care of a baby, and how to be parent; therefore, over protect her with tougher house rules, expect her to be perfect, made her a perfectionist, what about me as middle born: I tend to be very independent and relational. That’s really obvious the middle child usually feel the squeeze from above and below, this caused me, often hangout more with my peer group than any other child in the family, because most of the time I felt like 5th wheel who are out of place, so for me, the friends have became very important. In compare of my sisters I can’t talk too much to my parents in contrast of my sisters, like more secretive person. At last, my younger sister, I mean the last born, she is particularly interesting. Her cherished avocation is making the family parties more fun and entertaining and seems Maggie (my younger sister) is satisfied. She received the most attention and maybe it caused to be spoiled. She has a great self-confident, and it is because of she got the most instructions from older sisters in many areas. She was present in every occasion, from early age, therefore, she started to meet and communicate with too many strange people from very younger age, and as a result she is sociable and has many groups of friends. I recognize in assemblies, she is the attention center and is the person who talks and shows off. But one of her negative characteristics is that she is impetuous and brash. If she decides to do or say something, she will do it, unstressed and surely. In the meantime, she sometimes makes indignant, and surprisingly it doesn’t make sense for her. I think as Dr. Leman, she has to modify her particular manners and treatments if she wants to say loveable. Now I’m at the matter of two children. As Dr. Leman, every child is born with the need for attention and one of his primary goals is to gain attention. My first son and second son have four years difference in age, so the first one tend to act and behaved like adult, he has self- sentenced characters, as a result he gets the idea that he has to be perfect. As Dr. Leman, he needs to accept that everyone makes mistakes and fails, include he, and most of these problems came up because of me and my husband. When he was in high school and the first year of his college he was a great tennis player, but when he would lose one of his matches, he would have been depressed and mad for a week long, and he would never accept his loss, because from his first years of learning tennis, we told him that he has to be the best player in your team. Of course we have the sense to admit our own faults. After four years when our second son was born, because of the first born, was the center of attention for the long time, and even though we were preparing him for the interpose of the second, he started to have stuttering and we spent almost two years to treat this problem. By getting him involved in caring for the new baby and has the strategy to talk with first born about what the baby can’t do and in contrast always enumerate the things the first born can do that that the baby can’t. As Dr. Lemon, we as parents always have to keep in mind that never put the firstborn child into dethronement situation which means the action of to remove from a throne or place of power. Despite of our method of nurturing the first child, maybe we got tired or maybe when younger son was born we thought we “know the hopes.” And can loosen up. For example, my husband and I decided to put in our last born in piano lessons after school, when he disagreed we accepted easily and even it was unsuitable for us but we took piano lessons on Saturdays and this was the opposite reaction which we’ve done with our position, it gives a secret weapon which is not something Dr. Leman gives a secret weapon which is not something we learn in so many lessons like operating a computer or driving a car, no it’s something we actually have at the start and then develop slowly and sometimes painfully, the secret that no parent can do without unconditional, go for broke, no hold barred, sacrificial love for our kids, and our mate. The way the parents treats their children is an important as other things. Their key question is, was the environment provided by us as parents loving, and warm, or was it critical, cold, and distant? In the end, it seems like I’ve learned about the whole life, by understanding that birth order can help us to better understand ourselves and the people we interact with. As parents, being aware of the ways that birth order influences our children’s personalities can help us relate to our children and build stronger relationship with them.