Bullying and School

Maria – Esther Lopez
Professor Mancha
English 1301
April 29, 2013

Maria – Esther Lopez
Professor Mancha
English 1301
April 29, 2012
Bullying
We all have our story, and we all have our secrets that everyone thinks they know. We all get hurt, either verbally, physically, or emotionally. All in different ways, but we don’t know what is it that’s hurting us, and try to hide it, keeping it to yourself and not wanting for anybody to know. Due to the consequences of keeping what’s hurting you to yourself, this problem can lead to the risk of suicide, which many human beings think that’s the solution to your suffering. What is bullying? Bullying is not a topic that many people think they will go through, but see it everywhere they go and do nothing about it. You never know when you can help someone by stopping a situation you see, either in school, in your house, or even in the public. Probably many people think they won’t go through such a hard problem because there are many different types of bullying. There are many people that think of this problem as normal. People of all ages experience or even die from bullying, even children of young age, but there are some preventions that people can take to stop bullying. Bullying is not a pretty picture, that’s why bullying should stop. You can be one of those heroes that make history and make it to the front cover of a news cover article. What does the word “bully” make you think of? For some people, it’s that girl at school who always makes fun of them. For others is the biggest guy in your neighborhood who’s always trying to beat you up or take away your stuff, but really a bully is a persistent unwelcome behavior, mostly using unnecessary or invalid criticism, and fault finding . Also bullying is exclusion, isolation, being singled out and treated differently, being shouted at, humiliated, excessive monitoring, having verbal and written warnings imposed, and much more. Adina is a student at Tiger Middle School. She was a victim of bullying not knowing that is was bullying she was actually going through. Her parents knew something was wrong with her daughter but her daughter wouldn’t tell her parents what she was going through in school. Her situation started to get worse, coming home with bruises and bad hits in the eye. Finally her parents had enough of seeing her daughter in such distress and went to school to see what was going on and know knew what bulling is about. Bullying has many unexpected definitions for just a six letter word, which many can’t be found in a dictionary or be described. You can be a victim of bullying and can stop it from happening. There are many different types of bullying, but the most common ones are direct bullying behaviors, which is physical bullying, verbal bullying, and indirect bullying behaviors, which is more social and relational bullying. Direct bullying is when there is hitting, slapping, elbowing, shouldering, shoving in a hurtful or embarrassing way, and kicking. Taking, stealing, or damaging someone’s belongings. Verbal bullying is name calling, insulting remarks and put downs, repeated teasing, and intimidation. Indirect bullying is gossiping, graffiti, negative body language, threatening gestures, promising to hate someone and destroying your reputation. There is also cyber bullying which is the misuse of email systems or Internet forums etc for sending aggressive flame mails. These three types of bullying don’t only occur in the United States but in the whole world. Children from ten Scottish secondary schools where asked about bullying, 44% of those who had been bullied recently said that the most common place was the playground. 28% thought that the classroom was the most common place. Fewer children stated that it happened traveling to and from school, particularly younger children and those traveling on the school bus, in the corridors and toilets and outside of school. (Olwelus, 1995). Many people keep bullying a secret because they are taught not to tattle tale. They think telling someone they are being hurt or someone else is hurt, is wrong. Probably they have told or heard someone else tell adults about bullying before, and nothing was done about it. They are afraid adults may make the situation worse. They are embarrassed or feel shame because they feel no one likes them. Some children feel shame because they cannot stand up for themselves as they have been taught and some don’t want to worry their parents. They love their parents and want to protect them from worry and anxiety. Children and teens don’t know how to express themselves as you can see of all the situations they think will hurt them. They need help and support to be able to overcome the fear they have and be able to stand up for themselves in hard situations like this. When they get the help they need, they will be able to not hold the apprehension inside themselves and be able to express how they feel and not be afraid to tell their parents what’s bothering them. Children and teens have to remember that their parents and teachers are people they can trust and are there to help you out, not to make matters worse. Why do you think people bully? The purpose of bullying is to hide inadequacy. Bullies project their inadequacy onto others to avoid accepting responsibility for their behavior and the effect it has on others. To reduce their fear of being seen for what they are, namely a weak, inadequate and often incompetent individuals. There are a variety of reasons why people bully. There are cultural causes of bullying. In a culture that is fascinated with winning, power, and violence, some experts suggest that it is unrealistic to expect that people will not be influenced to seek power through violence in their own lives. Researchers point to the World Wrestling Federation as glorification of bullies in the name of entertainment and point out the high rate of domestic violence means that many young people grow up expecting that violence is an acceptable way to get what one wants. There are also institutional causes. If the institution at which the bullying takes place, whether the home, the school, or the workplace, does not have high standards for the way people treat each other, then bullying may be or more likely prevalent and have an influence on why people bully. There are social issues why people bully. The fact one gets more social recognition for negative behaviors than for positive ones can contribute to bullying. Situation comedies and reality television, as well as real life situation in schools, for example, show that acting out is more likely to get noticed than behaving oneself civilly and courtesy. Jealousy or envy and a lack of personal or social skills to deal with such feelings can also be reasons why people bully. There are family issues in one’s life that can change a person’s way of life. Families that are not warm and loving and in which feelings are not shared are more likely to have children who bully, either within the family home or in other locations in which the children meet others. Another home environment is prone to producing bullies is one in which discipline and monitoring are inconsistent or a punitive atmosphere exists. Children who experience social rejection themselves are more likely to pass it on to others. People wonder how they can stop bullying from happening. One way to stop bullying is to take steps to prevent bullying from starting. Some ways to prevent bullying is through providing a bully policy, consequences for bullies, and educating potential victims of bullying. Steps to prevent bullying before it starts can address the problem from several directions. Prevention can be aimed at creating a situation in which bullying is not tolerated, in giving potential bullies outlets and behavior suggestions so that thoughts and feelings that could end up bullying are channeled in different ways, and in helping potential victims avoid becoming the victim of bullying behavior. A clear definition of bullying and a policy that disallows it and lays out the consequences is one means to arm a school. For one thing, when bullying is clearly defined, then it can be more easily recognized and separated from constructive criticism, discipline, and motivation, all in which are bordering areas. It is important that the policy be clear and research based in order to not be so broad in which children are fearful of being perceived as bullies at every turn when what they say is not praise. As of the year 2009, there are many state bullying laws. In recent years, a series of bullying related suicides in the United Stated and across the globe have drawn attention to the connection between bullying and suicide. Though too many adults still see bullying as just being part of a kid, it is a serious problem that leads to many negative effects for victims, including suicide. Many people may not realize there is a connection between bullying and committing suicide. Statistics show that suicide is the third leading cause of death among young people, resulting in about 4,400 deaths per year, according to the CDC. For every suicide among young people, there are at least 100 suicide attempts. Over 14 percent of high school students have considered suicide, and almost 7 percent have attempted it. (Olweus) There are some warning signs of suicide when it comes to bullying. Children may show signs of depression, like ongoing sadness, withdrawal from others, losing interest in favorite activities, or trouble sleeping or eating. Children can also consider or shown an interest in dying, engaging in harmful activities, including reckless behavior, substance abuse, or self injury. Giving away favorite possessions, saying or expressing they can’t handle things anymore, and making comments that things would be better off without them. If a person is displaying these symptoms, talk to them, about your concerns and get them help right away, such as a counselor. In some cases it may not be obvious that a teen is thinking of suicide, such as when the suicide seems to be triggered by a particularly bad episode of bullying. In several cases where bully victims killed themselves, bullies had told the teen he or she should kill themselves or the world would be better without them. How can you recognize you are being bullied? Most bullying is traceable to one person, male or female. Bullying is not a gender issue. Bullies are often clever people especially female bullies, but you can be clever too. You can be clever by finding the characteristics of bullying. A bully can be a compulsive liar, and when called to account, will make up anything spontaneously to fit their needs at that moment. That person can use a lot of charm and is always plausible and convincing when peers, superiors, or others are present. The motive of the charm is deception and its purpose is to compensate for lack of empathy. Bullies may rely on you with mimicry to convince you or others they are normal beings, but their words, writings and deeds are hallow, superficial and glib. Your buddies can also excel in deception. They can experience a controlling behavior and they are control freaks. You are not alone. You are not the only one who undergoes bullying. There are many people throughout the whole world who experience what you experience in their everyday life. There are things you can do to deflect people who bully. Act more confident. If a person who bullies feels they don’t have any power over you, it takes the fun out of it for them. Hang around with your friends or an adult at all times when you’re most in danger of being bullied. Don’t fight back, it can make the situation worse. Tell someone you trust, a teacher, adult, or family member. Breaking the silence is the most important part in fighting back against bullying. If you’ve kept a diary of when the bullying has taken place, this can help you when you tell a teacher or parent what’s going on. Most schools have anti bullying guidelines and will take your complaint seriously. Tell your guidance counselor about who’s bullying you and how you feel about it. Here is a real life story of Hannah: “When I was in first grade, I went to school with my best friend. We would always be together at all times no matter what and we were like two peas in a pot, until I reached second grade. My friend and I were still very close, until a new girl came into the picture. She started telling me rude things to me. I tried to ignore her, but each day it got worse and worse and it brought me down. I started to feel less confident about myself each day from her mean and cruel words. To make things worse, she stole my best friend. The friend who I trusted all the time, but I tried to move on. Soon, my "old friend" started calling me mean things back to me along with the other mean girl. I tried to ignore them, but it was useless. I would cry when I went home, and I would convince my mom into homeschooling me every day. Finally, she home schooled me. I was home schooled for about 5 years or so, and throughout those years, I've had 2 friends who back-stabbed me and betrayed me. It hurt me, but I got through it because I knew they weren't worth it. When I reached 7th grade, I was feeling lonely being at home and I decided I wanted to go back to school. My mom put me into school in the middle of the year, which made things very awkward for me. The first week of starting school, it felt weird because I had started in the middle of the semester and I didn't really know anyone. People would look at me like I was an alien. There was a group of mean/popular girls that would tease me for little reasons. It made me feel insecure about myself. The school that I attended was a private school, so the kids were very snotty and rich, and they would think that they're all that. And also, there is alot of bullying going in that school, and I know a kid who tried to commit suicide from the harsh words some kids would tell him. I told my mom how I felt, and she told me that I should stand up to myself and tell them how I felt. I was scared to stand up for myself, (I'm a very shy person) but I realized the more I ignored them, the worse it gets. So I spoke up. But I didn't tell them alone, I had others who had been dealing with the same thing. We told them to stop bullying us because it bothered us. We told them that it affected us and that they should not continue to do this to us or anyone else. Finally, the teasing stopped. I met new and loyal friends that made me feel confident about myself, and I learned that no matter what a bully tells you, you shouldn't ignore it and brush it off. Never suffer in silence. Speak up, tell a parent or a friend, don't deal with him/her alone. Also, be confident in yourself, you're beautiful, no matter what.