COM200: Interpersonal Communication
Letter of Advice Jessica Piazza COM200: Interpersonal Communication Instructor: Kathleen Serra March 2, 2015
Dear Sara and Tim, My advice to you for a successful relationship is to know the ins and outs, to be open minded of everything that a relationship has to offer along with the changes. The things that you will need to learn and know will be interpersonal interactions, knowing about self-concept and how to maintain it, know about the appropriate levels of self-disclosure in a relationship and how to manage interpersonal conflicts. With all of this information you should be able to have a successful marriage. Interpersonal Interactions
Interpersonal communication (IPC) is the most important thing …show more content…
when it comes to communication. Interpersonal communication “is a unique type of communication that involves two individuals interacting via face-to-face or mediated channels” (Bevan, J.L. & Sole, K. 2014). IPC is important because you need to have communication in your relationships, this is how you are able to express your feelings and thoughts. In the text, Making Connections: Understanding Interpersonal Communication it states that “interpersonal communication is a social process, and we usually communicate for one of three primary purposes: (1) to meet personal needs; (2) to learn about ourselves, other people, and the world; and (3) to build and maintain relationships with others”(Bevan, J.L. & Sole, K. 2014). In order to have a successful relationship you need to know yourself and what your desires and wants are so that way you are able to be completely open to your other half. You cannot make someone else happy if you are not happy with yourself. Self-Concept
Self-Concept is a description of him or herself and the beliefs about yourself and the qualities that are presented in an individual. Self-concept is an overall image of yourself and is made up of different factors such as the reactions of others, the social way you play in society and the groups you identify with. There are things that contribute to your self-concept because self-concept “is an internal process, it is learned, maintained, and can change through interpersonal communication” (Bevan, J.L. & Sole, K. 2014). Charles Cooley “believed that people always see themselves in relation to other people. Your sense of self, he believed, is formed by imagining how you appear to other people” (Bevan, J.L. & Sole, K. 2014). Cooley says that other people are like looking glass where you can view yourself from others’ perspective which means you are always considering how you look to other people. That you are worried about being judged. Self-Image is also a factor in self-concept, “it is the combination of both your internal view of yourself and the evaluation of others, as well as your physical appearance, and the integration of your experiences, desires, and feelings” (Bailey, 2003). Self-esteem also affects your self-concept, self-esteem is your feeling of self-worth and your level of satisfaction with yourself as well as how you judge yourself. To maintain self-concept you need to feel happy about yourself and when you are happy with yourself then you and your partner can be happy together. If you want a healthy relationship than you need to be happy with yourself and to do that you need to learn about all the good and positive qualities you have in yourself. You need to be happy with who you are and accept the way you are than you will not care what people think about you and the more situations you go through in life the more you will learn about yourself. In Healthy Relationships lead to better lives it states that, “healthy relationships build self-esteem, improve mental and emotional health and help you live a fuller life” (Johnson, T.D., 2011). Emotional Intelligence
Emotional intelligence is “the ability to monitor, regulate, and discriminate among your own and your partner 's feelings in order to guide your thoughts and actions” (Salovey & Mayer, 1990). Emotional intelligence can help you through your feelings and struggles of life and relationships. When something happens in your life you automatically turn to others for help and support. Whether it be social support such as social networking for example most people these days when something is wrong they turn to Facebook and post their problems on their page so they are able to get support from everyone they know. Emotional support is acknowledging and understanding what the person in need is feeling. When you know how a person is feeling you are able find ways to help that person and when that person has someone to support them they will be more open and will be happier which will make a relationship strong. Self-Disclosure
Sara and Tim when it comes to self- disclosure this “refers to information that is private and would likely not be revealed be anyone other than you.” (Bevan, J.L. & Sole, K. 2014). It is important to open up to someone especially to the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with. It is important for that person to know your likes and dis likes and what will make you happy. One thing about self-disclosure is that it helps you to learn more about yourself so you can be the best you can be, which can help you in your relationships with other people. “If you meet and continue to develop a relationship with another person, over time you gradually disclose more information about yourself. Identifying, understanding, and then verbalizing your ideas, beliefs, and experiences are processes that enable you to better explore and analyze yourself.” (Bevan, J.L. & Sole, K. 2014). The more you understand yourself the more you are able to open up and let someone else in. In your marriage you are going to want to be open with your partner and always have the lines of communication open, so you can have a long lasting marriage.
To have a strong relationship with your partner the self-disclosure needs to be reciprocal otherwise problems can arise.
In the article, Can We Talk? By N. Schoenberg is states that there was a review in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy and found that “higher rates of self-disclosure were tied with higher rates of martial satisfaction. Expressions of love and support was also linked to happy marriages.” (N. Schoenberg, 2011). There are appropriate levels of self-disclosure, if you self-disclose too much information and the other person is not then the one partner will feel that you are not on the same page. For example, my boyfriend and I have communication problems all the time and we also communicate in different ways. He is very blunt and holds onto how he feels about things for a long time, and with me I am more quiet and shy and also to scared to bring things up because it can cause an argument or feel like there is a disconnect. After four years we have talked about our issues and how bad our communication was and we have slowly worked on it, but it take time and it takes effort from both sides in order for things to work. I realized that I have to be more open and disclose more information to about anything I feel is important or what my views are on things. If I do not do this then he feels that I just do not care about things, he tells me all the time, “I ask you questions all the time because I care what you think, if I didn’t care about you or what you …show more content…
think then I wouldn’t ask you things.” That made me realize that you have to be open and disclose your feeling, beliefs, and values. When you do this then your partner will open up and do the same.
Self-disclosure can also affect your health, people who avoid disclosing to others can increase their vulnerability to stress, which can increase and affect your physical health. Psychologist James Pennebaker, theorized that disclosure and mental and physical health are interrelated. His theory of inhibition and confrontation is a relationship between disclosure and health. When you keeping important psychological experiences to yourself can increase stress levels. “That stress can then lead to the development of other health issues. When you disclose your deep personal experiences, when you decrease inhibition, you also lower your stress levels. This decrease in stress can then benefit overall health” (Bevan, J.L. & Sole, K. 2014). My advice to you guys would be to take time out each day to just sit and talk with one another and express concerns or feelings about thing, and not to hold things back so you are able to work on anything that may come up. Managing Interpersonal Conflict
Knowing how to manage interpersonal conflict can help you to get to know yourself and so you know how to understand other people.
To be mindful can help you to be a successful communicator. "When people are mindful, they can identify both their own and their partners ' thoughts and feelings, can express their cognitions and emotions clearly, and are sensitive to what their partner is thinking and feeling during an interaction” (Bevan, J.L. & Sole, K. 2014). There are many positive things that we can do to help manage our interpersonal conflict, one reason is being positive because if you are positive it can help keep your mind on the right track and have the willingness to do whatever it takes to make the relationship work. Openness is the balance of self-disclosures and honest communication about the relationship and can help as well. Assurance is very important in a relationship, it helps by expressing commitment, love, faithfulness, emotional support, and messages that imply that the relationship has a future. Conflict management which is using constructive and positive behaviors such as cooperating, listening, and apologizing when in conflict or disagreements with the partner can be extremely helpful. Sharing tasks in your relationship is important because if you are not able to complete tasks as a team how do you think you would be able to deal with conflict when it arises? You two should always be able to lean on each other whether it is a good or a bad situation. We
must continuously show our partners that we care about them through our behaviors and our communication. We also can tell our partners that we care for them by being empathic and offering them social support when they need it. If we do not maintain our relationships in the ways described the relationship quality will undoubtedly suffer.
In conclusion for you to have a long and successful life and marriage you need to know these things about relationships. Interpersonal Interactions, Self-Concept and Emotional Intelligence, can show you all the skills you need to know and learn to make yourself a better person for yourself, in which will make your future spouse a happy person. When you both are happy and all communication lines are open, you will have a long and happy life together. Best of luck to the two of you and your long lasting marriage.
References Bevan, J.L. & Sole, K. (2014). Making connections: Understanding interpersonal communication (2nd ed.) San Diego, CA: Bridgepoint Education, Inc.
Bower, B. (2010, November 22). Shared talking styles herald new and lasting romance. U.S. News & World Report. Retrieved from http://www.usnews.com/science/articles/2010/11/22/shared-talking-styles-herald-new-and-lasting-romance
Close relationships sometimes mask poor communication. (2011, January 24). U.S. News & World Report. Retrieved from http://health.usnews.com/health-news/family-health/brain-and-behavior/articles/2011/01/24/close-relationships-sometimes-mask-poor-communication
Johnson, T. (2011, March). Healthy relationships lead to better lives. The Nation 's Health, 41(2), 20. Retrieved from the EBSCOhost database.
Schoenberg, N. (2011, January 17). Can we talk? McClatchy-Tribune News Service. Retrieved from http://articles.chicagotribune.com/2011-01-14/features/sc-fam-0111-talk-relationship-20110111_1_happy-marriages-couples-marital-therapy
Dear Sara and Tim, My advice to you for a successful relationship is to know the ins and outs, to be open minded of everything that a relationship has to offer along with the changes. The things that you will need to learn and know will be interpersonal interactions, knowing about self-concept and how to maintain it, know about the appropriate levels of self-disclosure in a relationship and how to manage interpersonal conflicts. With all of this information you should be able to have a successful marriage. Interpersonal Interactions
Interpersonal communication (IPC) is the most important thing …show more content…
when it comes to communication. Interpersonal communication “is a unique type of communication that involves two individuals interacting via face-to-face or mediated channels” (Bevan, J.L. & Sole, K. 2014). IPC is important because you need to have communication in your relationships, this is how you are able to express your feelings and thoughts. In the text, Making Connections: Understanding Interpersonal Communication it states that “interpersonal communication is a social process, and we usually communicate for one of three primary purposes: (1) to meet personal needs; (2) to learn about ourselves, other people, and the world; and (3) to build and maintain relationships with others”(Bevan, J.L. & Sole, K. 2014). In order to have a successful relationship you need to know yourself and what your desires and wants are so that way you are able to be completely open to your other half. You cannot make someone else happy if you are not happy with yourself. Self-Concept
Self-Concept is a description of him or herself and the beliefs about yourself and the qualities that are presented in an individual. Self-concept is an overall image of yourself and is made up of different factors such as the reactions of others, the social way you play in society and the groups you identify with. There are things that contribute to your self-concept because self-concept “is an internal process, it is learned, maintained, and can change through interpersonal communication” (Bevan, J.L. & Sole, K. 2014). Charles Cooley “believed that people always see themselves in relation to other people. Your sense of self, he believed, is formed by imagining how you appear to other people” (Bevan, J.L. & Sole, K. 2014). Cooley says that other people are like looking glass where you can view yourself from others’ perspective which means you are always considering how you look to other people. That you are worried about being judged. Self-Image is also a factor in self-concept, “it is the combination of both your internal view of yourself and the evaluation of others, as well as your physical appearance, and the integration of your experiences, desires, and feelings” (Bailey, 2003). Self-esteem also affects your self-concept, self-esteem is your feeling of self-worth and your level of satisfaction with yourself as well as how you judge yourself. To maintain self-concept you need to feel happy about yourself and when you are happy with yourself then you and your partner can be happy together. If you want a healthy relationship than you need to be happy with yourself and to do that you need to learn about all the good and positive qualities you have in yourself. You need to be happy with who you are and accept the way you are than you will not care what people think about you and the more situations you go through in life the more you will learn about yourself. In Healthy Relationships lead to better lives it states that, “healthy relationships build self-esteem, improve mental and emotional health and help you live a fuller life” (Johnson, T.D., 2011). Emotional Intelligence
Emotional intelligence is “the ability to monitor, regulate, and discriminate among your own and your partner 's feelings in order to guide your thoughts and actions” (Salovey & Mayer, 1990). Emotional intelligence can help you through your feelings and struggles of life and relationships. When something happens in your life you automatically turn to others for help and support. Whether it be social support such as social networking for example most people these days when something is wrong they turn to Facebook and post their problems on their page so they are able to get support from everyone they know. Emotional support is acknowledging and understanding what the person in need is feeling. When you know how a person is feeling you are able find ways to help that person and when that person has someone to support them they will be more open and will be happier which will make a relationship strong. Self-Disclosure
Sara and Tim when it comes to self- disclosure this “refers to information that is private and would likely not be revealed be anyone other than you.” (Bevan, J.L. & Sole, K. 2014). It is important to open up to someone especially to the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with. It is important for that person to know your likes and dis likes and what will make you happy. One thing about self-disclosure is that it helps you to learn more about yourself so you can be the best you can be, which can help you in your relationships with other people. “If you meet and continue to develop a relationship with another person, over time you gradually disclose more information about yourself. Identifying, understanding, and then verbalizing your ideas, beliefs, and experiences are processes that enable you to better explore and analyze yourself.” (Bevan, J.L. & Sole, K. 2014). The more you understand yourself the more you are able to open up and let someone else in. In your marriage you are going to want to be open with your partner and always have the lines of communication open, so you can have a long lasting marriage.
To have a strong relationship with your partner the self-disclosure needs to be reciprocal otherwise problems can arise.
In the article, Can We Talk? By N. Schoenberg is states that there was a review in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy and found that “higher rates of self-disclosure were tied with higher rates of martial satisfaction. Expressions of love and support was also linked to happy marriages.” (N. Schoenberg, 2011). There are appropriate levels of self-disclosure, if you self-disclose too much information and the other person is not then the one partner will feel that you are not on the same page. For example, my boyfriend and I have communication problems all the time and we also communicate in different ways. He is very blunt and holds onto how he feels about things for a long time, and with me I am more quiet and shy and also to scared to bring things up because it can cause an argument or feel like there is a disconnect. After four years we have talked about our issues and how bad our communication was and we have slowly worked on it, but it take time and it takes effort from both sides in order for things to work. I realized that I have to be more open and disclose more information to about anything I feel is important or what my views are on things. If I do not do this then he feels that I just do not care about things, he tells me all the time, “I ask you questions all the time because I care what you think, if I didn’t care about you or what you …show more content…
think then I wouldn’t ask you things.” That made me realize that you have to be open and disclose your feeling, beliefs, and values. When you do this then your partner will open up and do the same.
Self-disclosure can also affect your health, people who avoid disclosing to others can increase their vulnerability to stress, which can increase and affect your physical health. Psychologist James Pennebaker, theorized that disclosure and mental and physical health are interrelated. His theory of inhibition and confrontation is a relationship between disclosure and health. When you keeping important psychological experiences to yourself can increase stress levels. “That stress can then lead to the development of other health issues. When you disclose your deep personal experiences, when you decrease inhibition, you also lower your stress levels. This decrease in stress can then benefit overall health” (Bevan, J.L. & Sole, K. 2014). My advice to you guys would be to take time out each day to just sit and talk with one another and express concerns or feelings about thing, and not to hold things back so you are able to work on anything that may come up. Managing Interpersonal Conflict
Knowing how to manage interpersonal conflict can help you to get to know yourself and so you know how to understand other people.
To be mindful can help you to be a successful communicator. "When people are mindful, they can identify both their own and their partners ' thoughts and feelings, can express their cognitions and emotions clearly, and are sensitive to what their partner is thinking and feeling during an interaction” (Bevan, J.L. & Sole, K. 2014). There are many positive things that we can do to help manage our interpersonal conflict, one reason is being positive because if you are positive it can help keep your mind on the right track and have the willingness to do whatever it takes to make the relationship work. Openness is the balance of self-disclosures and honest communication about the relationship and can help as well. Assurance is very important in a relationship, it helps by expressing commitment, love, faithfulness, emotional support, and messages that imply that the relationship has a future. Conflict management which is using constructive and positive behaviors such as cooperating, listening, and apologizing when in conflict or disagreements with the partner can be extremely helpful. Sharing tasks in your relationship is important because if you are not able to complete tasks as a team how do you think you would be able to deal with conflict when it arises? You two should always be able to lean on each other whether it is a good or a bad situation. We
must continuously show our partners that we care about them through our behaviors and our communication. We also can tell our partners that we care for them by being empathic and offering them social support when they need it. If we do not maintain our relationships in the ways described the relationship quality will undoubtedly suffer.
In conclusion for you to have a long and successful life and marriage you need to know these things about relationships. Interpersonal Interactions, Self-Concept and Emotional Intelligence, can show you all the skills you need to know and learn to make yourself a better person for yourself, in which will make your future spouse a happy person. When you both are happy and all communication lines are open, you will have a long and happy life together. Best of luck to the two of you and your long lasting marriage.
References Bevan, J.L. & Sole, K. (2014). Making connections: Understanding interpersonal communication (2nd ed.) San Diego, CA: Bridgepoint Education, Inc.
Bower, B. (2010, November 22). Shared talking styles herald new and lasting romance. U.S. News & World Report. Retrieved from http://www.usnews.com/science/articles/2010/11/22/shared-talking-styles-herald-new-and-lasting-romance
Close relationships sometimes mask poor communication. (2011, January 24). U.S. News & World Report. Retrieved from http://health.usnews.com/health-news/family-health/brain-and-behavior/articles/2011/01/24/close-relationships-sometimes-mask-poor-communication
Johnson, T. (2011, March). Healthy relationships lead to better lives. The Nation 's Health, 41(2), 20. Retrieved from the EBSCOhost database.
Schoenberg, N. (2011, January 17). Can we talk? McClatchy-Tribune News Service. Retrieved from http://articles.chicagotribune.com/2011-01-14/features/sc-fam-0111-talk-relationship-20110111_1_happy-marriages-couples-marital-therapy