Cat Fishing Monologue

So, there is this boy I know, and he’s been nothing but sweet to me, you know? I’ve known this kid for most of my teenage years, and I have treated him like she… I know that when you are in love with somebody and being in a relationship with then, you are supposed to treat th other like they are the best thing that you have ever known and that has ever been yours. But being honest, Ive treated him like shit since the day we met.

I’ve broke up with him fro no reason, randomly disappear for lengths at a time. I’ve most likely called him names that I know I can not take back. We’ll be in a relationship and I’ll keep him a secret, and for what? But I will not forget the biggest mistake I have made. Cat fishing him. Like, okay, I didn’t know why I did it. Maybe because I was an insecure immature little shit at the time or I just thought that he’d never talk to me.
I actually found somebodyy who gave a damn about me, and my dumbass has to go and fuck it up. I int deserve him at all, and I know he knows that. But he stuck by my side, even when I didn’t stay by his. I kept breaking his heart over and over again. And to this day, I still don’t know why he stayed in the first place.

I only told half of the story to my friend alex. made it seem like I was the innocent in all their, when I know I’m really not. He always said the Roy was toxic and that he’s not good for mr, but Alex is wrong. He isn’t the toc one, I am. I’m not good for him. I read him like shit and all he was trying to do was love me. But I have him nothing. Ive hurt him so many times than I’ll love to admit but I regret all of it.

When he thinks of me, I want him to think go the good and none of the bad. I want him to think about the long hour phone calls, how much he makes me laugh at 4 am in the morning. The fact that I’m moving back o calfornia for him when I’m 18. I don’t want to lose him, I can’t. But I know that if i keep fucking up,. I will lose