Chater 4
Nayibe Lara
Instructor Pamela Archer
Business Communications
Page 133, 4.1 Audience Benefits and the “You” View (Obj. 3)
Your Task. Revise the following sentences to emphasize the perspective of the audience and the “you” view.
a. To avoid suffering the kinds of monetary losses we have experienced in the past, our credit union prohibits the cashing of third party checks presented by our members.
In order to protect you from suffering monetary losses, our credit union prohibits the cashing of third party checks presented by our members.
b. To help us process your order with our new database software, we need you to go to this Web site and fill out the required customer information.
To complete your order with our new database, please fill out the form with your information on our Web site.
c. We regret to announce that our electronics center is able to honor iPhone discounts only for a limited initial offering during the next30 days.
We are sorry to announce that our electronics center will only have discounts on the iPhone for a limited time of 30 days.
d. Under a new policy, reimbursement of travel expenses will be restricted to those related to work only.
According to the new policy, the compensation of the travel expenses will be restricted to the relatives of our employees.
e. We are pleased to announce that you have been approved to enroll in our management trainee program.
We are really happy to inform you that you have been approved to enroll in our management trainee program.
f. To allow us to continue our policy of selling name brands at discount prices, we can give store credit but we cannot give cash refunds on returned merchandise.
For allowing us to continue with our policy of discounted prices on name brands, we can give you store credit instead of cash refunds on returned merchandise.
Page 133, 4.2 Conversational but Professional (Obj. 3)
Your Task. Revise the following to make the tone conversational
Instructor Pamela Archer
Business Communications
Page 133, 4.1 Audience Benefits and the “You” View (Obj. 3)
Your Task. Revise the following sentences to emphasize the perspective of the audience and the “you” view.
a. To avoid suffering the kinds of monetary losses we have experienced in the past, our credit union prohibits the cashing of third party checks presented by our members.
In order to protect you from suffering monetary losses, our credit union prohibits the cashing of third party checks presented by our members.
b. To help us process your order with our new database software, we need you to go to this Web site and fill out the required customer information.
To complete your order with our new database, please fill out the form with your information on our Web site.
c. We regret to announce that our electronics center is able to honor iPhone discounts only for a limited initial offering during the next30 days.
We are sorry to announce that our electronics center will only have discounts on the iPhone for a limited time of 30 days.
d. Under a new policy, reimbursement of travel expenses will be restricted to those related to work only.
According to the new policy, the compensation of the travel expenses will be restricted to the relatives of our employees.
e. We are pleased to announce that you have been approved to enroll in our management trainee program.
We are really happy to inform you that you have been approved to enroll in our management trainee program.
f. To allow us to continue our policy of selling name brands at discount prices, we can give store credit but we cannot give cash refunds on returned merchandise.
For allowing us to continue with our policy of discounted prices on name brands, we can give you store credit instead of cash refunds on returned merchandise.
Page 133, 4.2 Conversational but Professional (Obj. 3)
Your Task. Revise the following to make the tone conversational