College Admissions Essay: The Beginning Of My Life

Since the very beginning of my childhood, I’ve never seen myself as someone who will succeed in life. I never believed in myself and what I can do. I always saw myself as a constant failure, unintelligent and a worthless human who could never achieve anything. I don’t know why exactly, but no matter what, I just couldn’t get myself to trust and believe in me.
My belief affected everything I do, especially how I performed in school. I didn’t join any school activities we had; quiz bees, cheering competitions, interest clubs, etc. I have had many opportunities, many breaks, and many chances. And I have left them all time and time again. I ignored plenty of opportunities for me to excel. Perhaps because from my past experiences, everything I got myself into all turned into failures.
This is the last year of my high school life, but I’m even nowhere near ready to leave high school because I don’t know what lies in store for me, and until now, I’m not certain as to what I want in life and how to get it. I’m constantly changing minds about which course to take. It’s like I endlessly make plans and goals only to change them at some point later on.
I'm starting college in few more months to come and part of me is looking forward to it and then the rest of me is not, but terrified. I feel like everyone is excited for college while I’m the only one who’s desperately trying to hold on to high school. It’s like I don’t know if I’ll do good enough to make it through college because there are a lot of college things I don’t know about yet that I will automatically need to know about right when I walk across the stage. What if I don’t meet my professors’ expectation? What if I don’t get a job after