coming of age

"The event that helped me come of age was my depression leading into self harming. i use to be that girl that you always saw wish a really big smile plastered on her face. i use to not care what people said about me. i actually use to love school. " said Stephanie remembering the past. She said she use to always be that positive girl everyone looked up to. They would call her a "role model" and alot of people would look up ro her. That all changed when her depression kicked in during her years in middle school. " I remember being in a hall full of judgemental people staring at me as if they wanted to rip my hair off my head. They use to tell me that im worthless and that i was stupid." She said as i asked her to descride the even. " people use to talk alot behind my back. i felt so out of place. i felt as if i didnt belong in this world. i use to question myself on why am i still alive. i knew i should hold on much longer but then i use to think about my future. i wanted to become a pediatrician but i didnt know if i can hold on for that long. " When i asked her to explain the even in more details she said," i use to cry myself to sleep hoping i would never wake up again. i knew i sounded selfish but at that time i didnt care i was just tired of living a miserable life. i wanted to fin a solution. i hated school i hated everyone up to the point i became anti-social. i was tired of being this was. i wanted the pain to go away so i decided to start selfhaming. i know alot of teens died from it but all i wanted was the pain to go away. i started self harming to the point it got out of control. i tried stopping but i couldnt. i felt defeated. I use to self harm so much to the point where it didnt hurt anymore when i slit my wrists. selfharming didnt kill my depression ,instead it made it worse. not only was i depressed but now i had scars that would take along time to dissapear. i hated myself so much. i felt like i couldnt be saved from myself. the bullying