Compare And Contrast Erikson's Identity Versus Role Diffusion

Introduction
According to Erikson’s (1950) identity versus role diffusion, “adolescents must develop a sense of who they are and where they are going in life or they become confused about their identity” (p. 214). A great portion of who I am today has been affected by the years of my adolescence between the ages of eleven to twenty years of age. This time period of my life was crucial as I struggled to figure out who I was and why my life turned out the way it was. Being abandoned at the age of three by own birth mother highly influenced the decisions I made over the years as I was entering young adulthood. I struggled to maintain relationships and trust with the family and friends and at the age of twenty-six today, I still have difficulty accepting the fact that the one person who was supposed to love me the most simply did not. At this point in time, I have learned different coping-mechanisms of dealing with my past and have gotten better at accepting the life that was given to me but it still has not yet been resolved.
Developmental dimensions
The transitional period from childhood to adulthood was a struggle because I questioned who I was and where I came from.
I remember when there was award ceremonies or events at school and I saw many nuclear families but the image of my family was much like a washed up painting, it didn’t make sense. My paternal Grandmother was the one who raised me and helped guide me to the man I am today. Although she did struggle as well as she was legally blind and diabetic, at a young age of around twelve I dealt with a variety of psychological changes where I was more mature than other relatives or friends my age. “Psychological development in adolescence is multifaceted. Adolescents have psychological reactions, sometimes dramatic, to the biological, social, and cultural dimensions of their lives. They become capable of and interested in discovering and forming their psychological selves” (Rew,
2005).
The love and nurturing care I received from Grandmother was unlike no other. We grew up in a poor-community struggling to make ends meet and lived in a neighborhood where you were lucky enough to overcome adversity and not fall into the same path of those who abused drugs, alcohol and not continue with their education. There was a wide range of emotions about the questioning of who I was and what I wanted to be, I had to take care of my Grandmother at such a young age I felt that I was maturing into an adult lost a portion of my childhood. Though it may seem unfortunate, I look back and my experiences have helped me prepare for the many challenges I faced. Just the thought of not having my biological mother in my life for so many years of sorrow pushed me even more to pursue an education and prove that I could still make something of myself.
At the age of twenty, perhaps the most difficult transition I faced is the loss of my Grandmother. I had never experienced so many emotions in my life and I questioned my everything in its existence and pushed away those around me who cared for me. I often questioned myself, “who am I?”, “why am I different?” and “why was I not loved?” This transition led to changes discussed by Hutchinson’s (2015) “the social environment—family, peers, organizations, communities, institutions, and so on—is a significant element of adolescent life” (pg. 419). As I development my own identity in the social world it became difficult when others would ask me questions about who I was. I knew some of my culture heritage, my birth mother was American, my father was a Hispanic, my maternal Grandmother was Native-Hispanic and my paternal Grandfather was Korean. I had a good mixture of these races but I mostly identified myself with Hispanic as it was easier to associate myself with others of the same cultures and the Hispanic culture was what I was raised in.
As my half-brother and half-sister from my father grew older, we were very close but as they aged they began to question my identity and would ask me questions such as why we had different mothers and why do we look somewhat different and also why I never called my step-mother by “mom” just as they did. Often at times it was difficult for me to answer but as I became aware as to why I struggled to answer their questions it was because I myself was not aware of my own identity. During my adolescent stages I went against the grain, I began to research and search for my biological mother and discovered that not only was she was still alive but also married and had photos of her two other children. I was at a loss of words and I did not understand why she loved them but not me, I questioned myself “do they even know about me?” It felt like a kick in the teeth and I felt like nobody understood me and my situation and there was nobody I could talk to about it.
There were many physical and biological differences from my siblings and I. On my father’s side, my half-brother and half-sister we all looked quite alike. We had similar facial features such as our eyes, smiles and other facial similarities. Though we did have different body sizes and different heights and darker skin tones while my younger brother had a very high metabolism and was very active it was the opposite for my younger sister and I. On my mother’s side, there was many physical characteristics that we differed from. My other half-sister and I had the same cheek bones and side profile and had brunette hair with colored eyes and a white complexion. While my other half-brother also had brunette hair with brown eyes like mine we looked very different from another. “Adolescent demands for independence may reignite unresolved conflicts between the parents and the grandparents and stir the pot of family discord. Sibling relationships may also change in adolescence” (Shanahan, Waite, & Boyd, 2012).
The unresolved conflicts between my parents and I was influenced a lot of the family structure I grew up. I was raised in an environment where my Grandmother was very loving but also strict with the activities I was allowed to participate in – especially with those I socialized with. When my Grandmother first my high school girlfriend at the age of fifteen (who is my wife till this day) she was upset and it was difficult for her to accept. After years of us dating she made progress and began to trust and accept her as part of my family and as she was sick before she passed away she told my wife, “take care of my son.” Those are memories I will never forget it and although I did not have a nuclear family growing up much of those experiences have led me to become a better father as I transitioned into young adulthood at the age of twenty-one.
My grandmother raised me to treat women with respect, as I learned the different gender roles of our family it revolved around men being responsible and take responsibility for all of their actions. Gender roles in my family where quite fluid though, men did most of the labor work outside while the women did most of the cooking and labor work in the home. Though both men and women would help each other there was no strict way of doing certain things because my Grandmother was the type of person who would not need a man in order to live and she raised me to be the type of person where I would not need a woman in order to live if it ever got to that point.
The cultural system in my family revolved around both religion and spirituality. My Grandmother and family are mostly Catholic and when I was young I would attend church weekly with my father. My Grandmother was a woman of faith, she believed in God but she felt that she did not need to prove to anybody or attend church in order for her to believe in him. She would tell me that going to church does not prove you are a person who has faith and just as long as you continue to pray and talk to God – in good and bad times then it would be okay. For the longest time that was how I felt comfortable in my faith. It was that spiritual feeling of knowing that you had a connection with God that he cared and loved you. Opposed to my wife’s family who is also Catholic, they have very different views on attending church. I personally don’t feel the need to attend on a strict weekly basis like they do because I am comfortable in the thought through my prayers and get a sense of relief of never feeling alone and helping me through all of my struggles.
Conclusion
My cultural experiences including my psychological, biological, sociological and spiritual beliefs are interconnected and influenced by one another. You cannot have one without the other as each of these developmental dimensions shapes us from birth to adulthood. Till this very day, I have not resolved the issue with my biological mother. Although I do know where she lives and a method of contacting her I feel that I am not ready to meet or accept any part of her in my life for the twenty-years of abandonment that she has put me through. Perhaps it was for the better because I had a Grandmother who cared and loved me and stepped up to the plate although she is no longer here with me physically. I have made some steps to my resolution such as forgiving my biological mother for some her choice and actions but I know it will be a lifelong process that I will face alone. The beauty of my family that I know share with my wife and beautiful four-year-old daughter – it helped me love my family in ways that I look in hindsight to be the best version of myself and father that I can be.

References
Hutchison, E. (2015). Dimensions of human behavior: The changing life course (5th ed.). Los
Angeles, Sage Publications.