Comparing Motherhood In Addie Bundren, Sethe, And Medea

Motherhood can be a great honor and privilege to those who choose to be a mother. It can alter lives and change the basis of a woman’s world, as she creates life out of her own blood and flesh and becomes exposed to the purest form of love. Yet throughout history, motherhood has been warped; it is not always a choice for a woman to delight in and explore, it is sometimes forced upon her or used against her, making her a victim of her own womanhood. Although Addie Bundren, Sethe, and Medea made mistakes, some unforgivable, they were all victims of motherhood. From the moment they were inducted into motherhood, they were destined to fail, as their circumstances never boasted of success. They must not be judged just as we would judge an average
mother, but as mothers who were never given a chance to flourish.
Addie is viewed as a completely detestable mother, for she holds no compassion or warmth towards her children, however, she is not entirely to blame for this. Although Addie did consent to marrying Anse, she did not consent to become a mother, but she had no choice but to succumb to being one and ultimately leads a life of disappointment where she is defined by her hateful parenting style. Addie desired nothing but to be free of children. She felt a deep disgust towards them and “look[ed] forward to the times when they faulted, so [she] could whip them,” but her want to be free of them is taken away from her (170). While it is disturbing that Addie feels pleasure when inflicting pain upon children, it is not wrong to dislike them; children are not made for everyone and not every woman is obligated to love them. There appears to be a universal belief that all women hide an inner, loving maternal instinct and Addie is judged by her lack of the trait, but not every woman is a mother. Addie certainly wasn’t, she was forced into a role that she could not get out of. Women in the 1930s were expected to grant their husbands sex, it wasn’t a topic to debate or discuss between the couple, Addie was obligated to submit to Anse’s sexual needs and fantasies. Furthermore, considering their financial status birth control was not an option and even if it was, wives are expected to grant their husbands an heir, to pass down their legacy. From the moment Addie married Anse, her life was determined for her, she was to be a mother, nothing else. Even Anse knew that. After Addie gives birth to Darl, her second child, she requests to be taken back to Jefferson, but Anse says that they are not done “with just two,” indicating that he had planned her motherhood before marriage, he had planned out an entire family (173). Additionally, Addie is stripped of her pleasures, like “going down the hill to the spring,” and is forced into her nightmare (169). A meant to be mother feels joy when she gives birth, but when Addie gave birth to Cash she “knew that living was terrible” (161). She felt that her “aloneness had been violated” by her children and that Anse had “tricked” her with his false words of love (172). This is not bad parenting. This is betrayal and pain. Addie’s reaction was natural. She should not be expected to love her children when she felt that her very existence was disturbed. She cannot love another if she is not at peace with herself. Thus, she becomes a victim of motherhood. She is not simply a bad mother, she is a mother that was never meant to exist. Addie was meant to live out her days alone, watching the water bubble up and away and enjoying the smell of damp and rotting leaves, not with children who were planted in her by another.
Sethe, unlike Addie, consents to both marrying and to having children, but like Addie, she is not given a chance to prosper as a mother.
As a former slave and a black woman, Sethe’s only “thing” is her children. They are the only “things” she can truly possess and adore. She is not allowed a home, a job, or even freedom to herself, but at the end of the day, she knows her children are hers. No man or legislation can destroy or deny their blood bond. However, this is a dangerous relationship for her to have. Sethe’s children can easily be snatched away from her for she is not free in the eye of the law or to white Americans. Additionally, as a mother, she is automatically put into a position of vulnerability when her children are threatened because of the deeper love she holds for them. Combining these two components, she will be incredibly destructive when her children are put in harm’s way, there is no chance of her remaining calm and she shouldn’t be expected to be calm. However, when she does attempt to murder her children in order to save them, she is demonized and seen as a monster, when she is the victim in the situation. The only things that belonged to her, the best things that she produced were moments away from being seized from her grasp and tossed into slavery, where they’d be abused and exploited. She was not reveling in her decision to murder her children, she was distraught and hurting beyond an average human’s emotional capacity. The only thing she knew would
save her children was death. This too is not bad parenting. It is the dearest form of love found in motherhood being twisted into a tragedy. It is concerning that death is what Sethe turned to, but as a devoted mother, she would not have chosen this path if it wasn’t the only one left. Sethe reached for success, but she was not allowed to prosper. Her identity never allowed her room to flourish. It led her down a path of pain and like Addie, she too is a victim. Sethe wished for nothing more than to live the rest of her days with her children, free from the grasps of man. Similarly to Addie’s situation, this simple wish was taken away.
Medea consents to marry Jason and bear his children, but she didn’t consent to divorce, paving the way to her failure as a mother.
Medea’s relationship to Jason, as a Middle Eastern woman, provides for disaster if broken, for it is made up of Medea’s excessive sacrifices to be with a man of another race. She entered the relationship fully aware of the obstacles she’d encounter to be with Jason and of the fact that even if they managed to be together, the relationship would be illegitimate. This implies that her love for him was deep, clearly, she’d do whatever to be with him, but it makes her vulnerable if this love is tossed away. To lose Jason after all her efforts, such as “betraying [her] father for him, killing [her] brother, [and] making [her] own land hate [her] forever,” would prove that all of that was for nothing and that he never saw her the way she saw him. As with Addie and Sethe, her reaction is natural, her entire life was disrupted when Jason divorces her and thus her capacity to be a good mother is gone. She cannot be expected to be a good mother when all her life’s work is being unraveled before her eyes; she will lash out and attempt to regain a sense of herself. In the sorrow that Jason creates, Medea attempts to create the same sorrow for him and this plan incorporates killing their children. It is barbaric and vile, but it is irrational to label Medea as a bad mother for those murders. All her life before her, Medea was striving towards greatness, to
create an environment where she could live in peace with her husband and children, to be a good mother and a good wife. She gave Jason power, success, and fame, she gave him children and loved them so, and began to believe her endeavors were behind her. Yet these endeavors and her identity as a Middle Eastern woman confined her and pushed her into a box, where she’d only be able to cause pain. She can’t be a loving mother to two children who were the products of her family’s murder, her country’s hate, and a deceitful husband. If Medea was Greek, she would’ve evolved into a loving mother, for she wouldn’t have had to make any sacrifices and be reminded of them later on in the case of divorce. If given the chance to thrive, Medea would’ve wed and mothered in peace, without dissent and murder, but she too was constrained.
Now that it has been established that these three mothers were products of their surroundings, mothers that were made to fail, it is key for us, as readers, to acknowledge this in our perception of the characters and of women. There is a consistent theme between As I Lay Dying, Beloved, and Medea, that women must uphold the highest standards of femininity, despite their personalities and their identities. Whether they seek to be independent of children, like Addie, or cannot be independent with their children, like Sethe and Medea, they must still be faultless mothers that are forever gentle. This is not attainable, in literature and in reality. Women are too often pushed into the roles that womanhood entails, like being a mother or a wife, and are defined by what comes with their gender, rather than what they are above all: human. To judge women by their maternal instinct is to conform to the same gender roles established hundreds of years ago. To judge women by their entire being reveals their true nature and true character. Then, it can be determined if Medea, Addie, and Sethe were “good” or “bad.”