Complete and Utter Idiots Guide to Sending an Email
Ancomplete and utter idiot’s guide to sending an Email!
Right. This may seem like a completely impossible task, but trust me, it’s easy. An everyday completely normal task for most people, but you are not most people, are you? Well, there’s one thing you must do. We are assuming you already own a computer and have an email, so the first thing that is vital in this… find your computer. I know! You have to get up, use those long things on the end of your body made for walking, and look. No… that’s the telly. We are looking for something that looks like a smaller telly with a keyboard and a mouse. No, no, no! Not a real mouse! Now get down from your sofa and look for a screen. Yes, that’s it! Gosh, if it takes you this long to find your computer this is going to be a long day.
Congratulations! Now, as you are looking at the computer, sit down on the chair in front of it. Sit on the seat, not the top, bottom or legs, on the actually seat. Yes, that’s a bit more comfy isn’t it? I hope your computer is in fully working order? Supposing that it is, you need to find a big button that turns your computer on. No, that opens up the CD drive. Don’t push it back in! Press the button again so you don’t break it. Oh my, look! It’s right in front of you on that big box. Woohoo! You found it, now login using your password that you thought up so you would remember it. Yes, it is the word written on the sticky note stuck to the wall above you. Now, the long oblong in front of you, that’s your keyboard. No, an oblong is another word for a rectangle… a long square? Yes, the thing with the buttons. Now, press the buttons with the letters/numbers/punctuation that are identical to the ones written on your sheet. Yes, you have to write them in the same order, otherwise itswrong. Thank the lord, you’ve logged on! You’ve just achieved something in your life! Be proud, be very, very proud.
The next ‘impossible’ task you have to face is finding the internet icon and using your mouse to
Right. This may seem like a completely impossible task, but trust me, it’s easy. An everyday completely normal task for most people, but you are not most people, are you? Well, there’s one thing you must do. We are assuming you already own a computer and have an email, so the first thing that is vital in this… find your computer. I know! You have to get up, use those long things on the end of your body made for walking, and look. No… that’s the telly. We are looking for something that looks like a smaller telly with a keyboard and a mouse. No, no, no! Not a real mouse! Now get down from your sofa and look for a screen. Yes, that’s it! Gosh, if it takes you this long to find your computer this is going to be a long day.
Congratulations! Now, as you are looking at the computer, sit down on the chair in front of it. Sit on the seat, not the top, bottom or legs, on the actually seat. Yes, that’s a bit more comfy isn’t it? I hope your computer is in fully working order? Supposing that it is, you need to find a big button that turns your computer on. No, that opens up the CD drive. Don’t push it back in! Press the button again so you don’t break it. Oh my, look! It’s right in front of you on that big box. Woohoo! You found it, now login using your password that you thought up so you would remember it. Yes, it is the word written on the sticky note stuck to the wall above you. Now, the long oblong in front of you, that’s your keyboard. No, an oblong is another word for a rectangle… a long square? Yes, the thing with the buttons. Now, press the buttons with the letters/numbers/punctuation that are identical to the ones written on your sheet. Yes, you have to write them in the same order, otherwise itswrong. Thank the lord, you’ve logged on! You’ve just achieved something in your life! Be proud, be very, very proud.
The next ‘impossible’ task you have to face is finding the internet icon and using your mouse to