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Excerpted from DAMNED by Chuck Palahniuk. Copyright © 2011 by Chuck Palahniuk. Excerpted by permission of Doubleday, a division of Random House, Inc. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Also by Chuck Palahniuk Fight Club Survivor Invisible Monsters Choke Lullaby Fugitives and Refugees Diary Stranger Than Fiction Haunted Rant Snuff Pygmy Tell-All
C P A L
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DAMNED
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L I F E D E AT H
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S H O R T. F O R E V E R.
DOUBLEDAY
N E W YOR K LONDON TORON TO SYDNEY AUCK L A N D
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, organizations, places, events, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental. Copyright © 2011 by Chuck Palahniuk All rights reserved. Published in the United States by Doubleday, a division of Random House, Inc., New York. www.doubleday.com DOUBLEDAY and the portrayal of an anchor with a dolphin are registered trademarks of Random House, Inc. Book design by Michael Collica Jacket design by Rodrigo Corral Design Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Palahniuk, Chuck. Damned / Chuck Palahniuk. — 1st ed. p. cm. Summary: As thirteen-year-old Madison tries to figure out how she died and ended up in Hell, she learns how to manipulate the corrupt system of demons and bodily fluids. [1. Hell—Fiction. 2. Future life—Fiction. 3. Dead—Fiction.] I. Title. PZ7.P1754Dam 2011 [E]—dc22 2010044841 ISBN 978-0-385-53302-7 PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA 1 3 5 7 9 10 8 6 4 2 First Edition
I.
Are you there, Satan? It’s me, Madison. I’m just now arrived here, in Hell, but it’s not my fault except for maybe dying from an overdose of marijuana. Maybe I’m in Hell because I’m fat—a Real