Divorce and Major Life Change

DIVORCE: SHOULD THERE BE REFORMS TO MAKE DIVORCE HARDER?

OUTLINE
Divorce: divorce can be said to be any form of dissolution of a marital union.
A brief history of divorce: divorce dates back to when marriage started existing. It is aimed at bringing about peace to couples who can no longer tolerate each other. * Types of divorce * Causes of divorce
Divorce: Discuss on the negative effects of divorce. The disadvantages divorce has on the various people affected. * Discuss on the effects of divorce on children. * Discuss on the effects of divorce on the parents. * Discuss on the effects of divorce on the society as a whole.
Conclusion: due to the above listed points which strongly oppose divorce, there should be reforms to make it harder to get a divorce.

PROPOSAL
Divorce: should there be reforms to make divorce harder?
Concerns of research: this paper is concerned with the effects of divorce and how it affects the society as a whole. It explains why divorce is rather negative thereby highlighting the adverse effects it has on the society.
Question/ Topics to be addressed: 1. What are the causes of divorce? 2. How can causes these causes be controlled to avoid divorce? 3. What are the disadvantages of divorce? 4. How do these disadvantages affect the members of the family and society as a whole?
Major issues or arguments on the research area include: 1. Effects of divorce on children 2. Effects of divorce on parents 3. Effects of divorce on the society
My position regarding divorce:
I propose the notion that there should be reforms to make divorce harder because there are too many divorce cases nowadays.
Sources of information: websites, books, newspapers, journals, articles.

Annotated Bibliography

Foulkes, Lesley. The effects of divorce on children. n.d. 20 April 2012 <http://cpancf.com/articles_files/efffectsdivorceonchildren.asp>. ;this gave me an insight on the problems children go through when their parents separate. It explains the negative effects divorce has on children.
Johnson, Shannon. How does divorce affect girls? n.d. 24 April 2012 <http://www.ehow.com/how-does_4570000_divorce-affect-girls.html>. ; this explains the effect of divorce on female children and how they are affected by it. It explains how traumatized they become.
Nicholson, Joseph. what is the origin of divorce. n.d. 18 April 2012 <http://www.ehow.com/about_5032153_origin-divorce.html>. ; this gave me an idea of when divorce started and how divorce came into existence.
Wikipedia. n.d. 18 April 2012 <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Divorce>. ; this gave me an insight on the definition and types of divorce. It explains the various types of divorce we have.

DIVORCE: SHOULD THERE BE REFORMS TO MAKE DIVORCE HARDER?

The word divorce has Latin origin and is said to mean “the separation of things” (Nicholson). Marriage and divorce go hand in hand because there cannot be divorce without marriage. There is evidence that the history of divorce dates back to the distant past. It would be fair to say that divorce came about when marriage started existing. Divorce is any form of dissolution of a marital union (Wikipedia). It can also be said to be the termination of a marriage. It involves the separation of a couple and withdrawal of any legal responsibilities which the couples owe each other. It is a mutual agreement between a husband and wife to separate due to certain reasons which make them unable to live with each other. Though divorce is a legal act, it does not always coincide with the couple’s emotions. Sometimes, you find couples splitting up not because they do not love each other but because of one offence committed by either of the spouses. Divorce is used as the easy way out when couples can no longer live with each other. The procedure of divorce varies greatly from country to country but in most countries there has to be a legal authorization from a court or any related legal authority. Between 1971 and 2011, almost all the countries legalized divorce leaving only a few countries where divorce is still not legalized. According to Wikipedia: “Between 1971 and 2011, five European countries legalized divorce: Italy, Spain, Portugal, Ireland and Malta. This leaves just the Philippines as the only country that does not have a civil procedure for divorce.” Like every major life change, divorce is stressful. It brings about a lot of drastic changes to the family as a whole. It will then take time for the family to re-adjust into their new ways of life. For the couple, they learn to live an independent life without any support from their partner or in some cases with support from their partners. This factor depends on the type of divorce and the agreement between the couple. The couples also have to learn to be single parents in the case where children are involved. The children stay with either partner depending on the mutual agreement between the partners or custody given by court. Divorce can be viewed from two basic approaches; fault based and no-fault based though there are various types (Wikipedia). According to Wikipedia, we have the following types of divorces;
No-fault divorce: this type of divorce does not require any allegation or proof of fault by either partner. This type of divorce also depends on the country. In some countries, the court only requires a statement of “irreversible breakdown” before the divorce can be legalized while in others, a statement of “irreconcilable differences” is required. Nowadays, most countries of the world do not practice this type of divorce. (Wikipedia)
Fault divorce: this type of divorce has been in existence since 1960. In this case, for a divorce to be legalized, the court requires proof that one of the partners committed an act incompatible with marriage. These proofs are called “grounds” of divorce or faults. This type of divorce is practiced by almost all countries of the world. (Wikipedia)
Summary divorce: this is the type of divorce which is used when the partners meet eligible requirements or agree on key issues such as short marriage, no mortgage, no children and so on before the commencement of the marriage. This is only practiced in some countries. (Wikipedia)
Uncontested divorce: this type of divorce occurs when the partners are able to come to an agreement with or without lawyers about their property, children and support issues. If the partners have a fair agreement, they can then present the court with it and their divorce will be legalized and if not, it is up to the court to decide how they will share everything. (Wikipedia)
Collaborative divorce: this is a case whereby there is an agreement between spouses to go their separate ways which would require an attorney to be present. In this type of divorce the spouses do not necessarily separate because of disagreements, but because they decided to go their separate ways.
Mediated divorce: this is a traditional type of divorce in which a mediator helps the two parties to communicate and provides information. At the end of the mediation process, they come to an agreement which they present to the court. (Wikipedia) Nowadays, the level at which people get divorced is rampant and it is increasing on a daily basis. There are various reasons which lead people to get divorces though some might not be supportable enough. The major family problems which lead to divorce include: adultery, lack of communication, young marriages. (Pansen)
Adultery: this is when either of the spouses cheats on each other with a different person. It can also be when either of the spouses is engaged in extramarital affairs. This a very serious offence in a marriage because by committing adultery, you are sabotaging everything both of you have put into the marriage. Majority of marriages in which adultery was committed leads to divorce because it leaves the partners feeling betrayed. (Pansen)
Lack of communication: according to Sonel Pansen: “Lack of communication is one of the leading causes of divorce. A marriage is on the rocks when the lines of communication fail.” In recent times, a lot of families face financial problems and this causes spouses to work for longer hours and hence leaves them with little or no time to communicate with each other. Due to this, the partners do not discuss their problems or look for solutions to their problems. Little problems which could have been resolved accumulate into huge problems finally resulting in divorce. (Pansen)
Young marriages: as people always say; “young marriages do not last”. This statement is very true because most young marriages are rushed into. The partners at very young ages feel they are “in love” which makes them feel invincible. At that point in time, they do not think straight and feel marriage is the next step. This deprives the couple of getting to know each other. Most of these marriages end up in regret which leads to divorce. (Pansen) People who experience divorce are greatly affected by it and majority of the times, the effects are rather negative. Divorce is not in any way advisable. It brings about emotional instability, unhappiness, broken homes, lack of unity. The only time when divorce should be considered is if the couple can no longer tolerate each other and they might cause harm to one another. Though these are the general effects of divorce, divorce has different effects on the different members of the family and the society as a whole. The effects of divorce can be divided into the effects on children, effects on the couple and the effects on the society. The effects of divorce on children The divorce of a couple brings about so much stress to their children. It leaves the children with the problems of having to adjust to a new life. Divorce usually brings about instability and unhappiness to the children. Most of the time, the children get drawn away from either parent depending on the parent who has custody over the children. The children also have a high tendency of having a decreased standard of living because they do not have both parents to care for them. The children might have divided lives in cases where they live with both parents and this causes a lot of confusion for the children because they try to balance both life styles. Divorce also causes the children to bare more responsibilities because a broken home does not provide them with the care they require (Foulkes). Children from divorced homes usually tend to mature psychologically too fast or act older than their age and this may lead the children astray. Sometimes, divorce can bring about child abuse especially in situations where their parents remarry. According to researchers, the effect divorce has on children largely depends on their gender. Female children affected by divorce tend to be sexually abused due to lack of parental awareness or decreased parental awareness. (Johnson). Girls from divorce homes tend to engage in sexual activities at earlier ages hence leading to teenage pregnancies. A lot of female children also become runaways because they feel they are not getting enough attention. These girls who run away end up prostituting or engaging in drugs because they have no guidance. Male children on the other hand tend to be more aggressive and disobedient (Foulkes). They tend to withdraw from their parents. They blame themselves for their parents’ divorce. Boys tend to go indulge in negative acts such as drinking, smoking, theft. They also suffer from depression.
The effects of divorce on couples The effect of divorce on couples is devastating because during marriage, couples learn to live with each other and complement each other and when they get divorced, it is usually hard for them to adjust. They have to accept the fact they would not have their partner there for them anymore. Divorce is a very stressful process to couples; it brings about anxiety to both parties. Divorce affects couples socially, financially, economically and in so many other ways. Socially, because they might no longer get along or feel comfortable with each other, they result in having different friends or even changing their life styles. Economically, there are a lot of problems. They are faced with the problems of splitting properties (Gac). Though divorce affects the couple as a whole, its effects are rather different on the male and female partner. For male partners, divorce may interfere with their jobs and wage earning ability. They might even turn to drug trafficking or various other illegal acts as a means of income. They tend to live an unhealthy life because most of the times, they turn to alcohol and sleeping around with prostitutes for comfort. They get really stressed out and this leads to unnecessary anger. They tend to be distant from their children (Effets of divorce on men). The female partners on the other hand tend to get really emotional during divorce. A woman might feel guilty and blame herself for abandoning her family especially in the case where she has children. According to family.org.com, a renowned website, the most common effect of divorce on women is depression (Gleason). The female partners are also likely to go into prostitution as a means to get money to care for their children. They might turn to alcohol and having multiple sex partners as a means of relieving stress.
The effect of divorce on the society Divorce does not only affect the family members, it also affects the society as a whole. The family members who go through divorce usually end up as menaces to the society because they are into various negative acts. The rise in divorce rates also leads to increase in emotional instability and crime rates (The effects of divorce on the society). In societies of today, the situations concerning illegal acts and crime rates are already too high as it is and divorce is just adding to it. Sometime ago, divorce was considered to be a social taboo and was avoided as much as possible but in today’s generation, divorce seems to be a normal thing. Divorce, directly or indirectly has too many negative effects on the individuals involved and the society at large. Experts suggest that the easing of the divorce process makes the rate of divorce more rampant. If there were reforms to make divorce getting a divorce harder, a lot of the problems listed above would be waved. According to the Qur’an "The most hateful permissible thing (al-Halal) in the sight of Allah is divorce (Abu Dawud, Hadith 1863, Ibn Majah, Hadith 2008).” (islamicislamic.com) This is a statement from the Qur’an which clearly shows that God is against divorce. It does not only show his detest for divorce, it further explains that divorce is the most hateful permissible sin. Jesus is reported to have said:” “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another, commits adultery against her; and if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery (Mark 10:11-12).” (islamicislamic.com)This statement shows that Christianity has prohibited the marriage to a divorced man or woman. Though it is not directly said that divorce is prohibited, it is common sense to depict that divorce is not supported by Christianity or Islam. The two major religions in the world which are Islam and Christianity are strongly against divorce. Your religion is what you believe in, it determines the way you live your life and clearly it points out that divorce is wrong and should be a last resort. Is this not enough reason to stay away from divorce? Divorce greatly affects the partners involved but most of all; it affects the children the most. Why should innocent children have to pay for mistakes which are not theirs? In one way or the other, when you look at divorce from different perspectives, it all boils down to being wrong. There are too many divorces in the world now and they are mostly caused by stupidity because most of the causes of divorce can be resolved if the couple would communicate. Mostly, people just use divorce as an excuse when in the real sense it can be resolved. I do hope people realize the wrongs of divorce and the great effects it has on people and the society and hence make reforms that would make getting divorces harder. This will greatly help because the level at which people get divorces would be greatly reduced.

Works Cited

Effets of divorce on men. n.d. 19 April 2012 <http://saveyourmarriage-now.com/Joomla/index.php/articles/41-marriage-and-relationship-articles/84-effects-of-divorce-on-men-.html>.
Foulkes, Lesley. The effects of divorce on children. n.d. 20 April 2012 <http://cpancf.com/articles_files/efffectsdivorceonchildren.asp>.
Gac, Dennis. The effects of divorce on couple. 6 October 2010. 20 April 2012 <divorce.ezinemark.com/the-effects-of-divorce-on-couples-16a0a4ff6ac.html>.
Gleason, Kathy. The effect of divorce on children. 30 June 2010. 2012 21 2012 <http://www.livestrong.com/article/160504-emotional-effects-of-divorce-on-women/>. islamicislamic.com. n.d. 20 April 2012 <http://islamicislamic.com/divorce.htm>.
Johnson, Shannon. How does divorce affect girls? n.d. 24 April 2012 <http://www.ehow.com/how-does_4570000_divorce-affect-girls.html>.
Nicholson, Joseph. what is the origin of divorce. n.d. 18 April 2012 <http://www.ehow.com/about_5032153_origin-divorce.html>.
Pansen, Sonel. Common causes and reasons for divorce. 12 February 2011. 20 April 2012 <http://www.buzzle.com/articles/common-causes-and-reasons-for-divorce.html>.
"The effects of divorce on the society." Divorce 28 June 2010.
Wikipedia. n.d. 18 April 2012 <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Divorce>.