Divorce Research

Divorce Research Paper
Arnette Brown
BSHS 371
June 6, 2011

Divorce Research Paper
In the United States the average man aged twenty six marries for the first time and for women the age is twenty five. It is estimated from recent statistics that there are 4.95 per 1,000 people divorcing in the United States. The weighted average among all countries is 1.3 per 1,000 people (NationMaster, 2011).
The writer will discuss divorce in America and provide supportive data and research. The writer will also be discussing how divorce effect’s those involved and the issues and problems that they face. Included will be approaches and resources for resolving or improving marriages.
Divorce
For most of us as adults when reciting our marriage vows the promise of staying with your partner “till death do us part” is what we expect to do. In some cases this is the impossible. Couples in time often drift apart for various reasons or they realize that the person they married they are no longer in love with.
The number one reason couple’s divorce in the United States is money. When there is a shortage of finances between the couple, it can take a toll on the marriage. Other common reasons for divorce is infidelity, poor communication, a change in priorities, lack of commitment to the marriage, sexual problems, addictions, and physical, emotional or sexual abuse ( McCloud, 2006).
How Divorce Effects Couples
Couples facing a marriage break-up will have to cope with anxiety, anger, sadness, weariness, guilt, feelings of isolation, low self-esteem, worry, disappointment, frustration, and loneliness. Among partners in marriage these feelings are unavoidable before, during and after the process of divorce. These partners may also experience social stigma, which includes the help of welfare and other organizations that add to the stigma. Many women are forced to go back to work after depending on their husbands for years as their source of income. In addition, legal matters are stressful for these couples as well and many couples face more responsibilities as a single parent. Legal costs for the divorce proceeding add up, and further conflict may occur in court if one party fails to comply with the order of the court. Higher personal income taxes and the loss of the home when it is sold during the divorce are added problems as well. In any marriage break-up, it is the children who are most likely to be affected psychologically. They are the unfortunate victims of the bickering’s between parents. Faced with their own problems, parents tend to disregard their children 's feelings, thus making the children feel that they are unwanted. The writer having experienced divorce herself understands the frustration of the divorce proceedings, and sometimes these proceeding can take years before they come to an end. Many times they end with neither party completely satisfied with the outcome. There are many cases noted in the United States where viciousness or a dispute over divorce proceedings has caused the death of not only the spouse but the child or children from the marriage as well. We hear in the news so often of murder-suicides from disputes over divorce proceedings. There has been disturbing cases in Indiana, California and Michigan in which police believe that bitterness over divorce filings prompted tragic murders. In one instance a deadly Indiana airplane crash attributed to a man’s disdain over the divorce process led him to crash his single-engine Cessna airplane that he was piloting into the house of his ex-mother-in-law, killing himself and his eight-year-old daughter who was a passenger in the craft (Total Divorce, 2011). In another case a property division dispute in a California divorce is believed to cause a man to shoot his wife to death. The Oakland woman was gunned down by her husband in front of more than 100 parishioners outside a gospel church prior to an 8 a.m. service. Witnesses say that the husband approached his soon-to-be-ex-wife en route to entering the church. After the couple briefly argued, witnesses say the husband pulled out a gun and shot the woman. After she fell to the ground, he shot her several more times “execution style”. He turned himself in to police later that night and was arrested for murder (Total Divorce, 2011). Finally in 2009 in Arizona, a father who went camping with his 3-year old daughter (both from the Phoenix area) in a remote area near the Grand Canyon apparently shot himself and the girl. Family members were unable to make contact with Ryan Peters, 29, and began calling police frantically, worried that Peters was suicidal after his recent divorce and loss of child custody to his ex-wife. A relative made mobile-phone contact with Peters, who said he was camping between Jacob Lake and the Canyon 's North Rim. A Coconino County deputy found the bodies early that morning (Phoenix New Times, 2009). As the reality of divorce settles in, it is disturbing to analyze the emotional toll a divorce can have over couples.
Approaches and Resources There are some approaches one can take with dealing with an impending divorce. You can start by simply admitting the obvious: You hurt. You hurt because, among other reasons, you 're going through a divorce and a divorce hurts (Divorceinfo, 2011). The second thing to do is to find out all you can about going through a divorce and divorce proceedings so that you are prepared. Individuals going through a divorce should also lean on friends and family for support in these trying times. Counseling is a great step to take when facing divorce. A professional counselor can be invaluable in helping you deal with the pain, the uncertainty, and the loss of divorce. And because a professional counselor can help you identify and understand your feelings (and therefore distinguish between what you feel and what you really need), he or she may also help you negotiate with your spouse more effectively (Divorceinfo, 2011). Some of the greatest pain in divorce seems to come on occasions that were special to the two of you when you were married. It goes without saying that you want to be mindful of what you will be doing on Christmas, your wedding anniversary, your birthday, and your spouse 's birthday. Watch the calendar and spends these times with friends and family (Divorceinfo, 2011). Divorce is a loss just like death, illness, or losing your job. You 'll need to go through at least some form of grieving. The process of moving past the unhappiness of divorce toward recovery is painful, rocky, and unpredictable. Research indicates that it takes the average person about two years to recover from divorce (Divorceinfo, 2011). Communicate with the kids, where the kids will go and how often they will see the secondary parent. Do not have this talk in front of the kids. When you come to an agreement then it 's time to tell the kids. There are resources in the community that can assist you when you are going through a divorce. Often churches or synagogues offer lay counseling for free. A lay person can be helpful by simply listening. A common type of available professional counseling focuses on dealing with issues pertaining to children born of the marriage. Oftentimes, some of the most emotionally charged situations arise from issues surrounding children--including custody, parenting time (visitation) and child support. Professional counseling works to manage emotions and keep lines of communication open between the parties, when it comes to issues surrounding the children (eHow, 2011). Over the course of the past decade, arbitration and mediation services have become more widely available to men and women seeking assistance in regard to divorce and separation.
Mediation brings spouses together in front of a trained and experienced mediator. The mediator does not make decisions for the couple when it comes to resolving issues. Rather, the mediator assists the couple in reaching their own decisions (eHow, 2011). Typically, mediation occurs solely between the mediator and the couple without the direct involvement of attorneys. In some instances, attorneys for the spouses will be included in a mediation session, but not through the entire mediation process (eHow, 2011). The most vital type of divorce and separation assistance that the parties to a marital break-up can obtain is professional legal representation. While there are cases in which a couple can muddle through divorce proceedings or arrange a more formal separation on their own, most couples simply are not in a position to manage matters associated with their divorces in an appropriate and effective manner ( eHow, 2011). If a party to a divorce is unable to raise the funds to pay for a divorce lawyer, there are legal aid organizations and clinics associated with law schools that provide representation, either on a sliding scale or at no charge (eHow, 2011).

By making the decision to retain an attorney with specific experience in family law and divorce, each party to marriage dissolution proceedings will be in the best position to ensure that her rights and interests fully are protected. If it is mutual between both parties involved in the marriage and both parties have the desire to save their marriage, many agencies will provide traditional marriage counseling. Marriage counseling may help you identify the problems and find the right solutions to end the problems. Other things you can do yourself is date each other again, after marriage some couples stop the dating process. Rekindle the romance in your lives and place your spouse first in your life.
Conclusion
In the United States the average man aged twenty six marries for the first time and for women the age is twenty five. It is estimated from recent statistics that there are 4.95 per 1,000 people divorcing in the United States. The number one reason for divorce in the United States is money. Couples going through divorce often experience anxiety, anger and sadness along with many other feelings. The children from these divorces often face similar feelings and feelings of being unwanted. Legal costs add up and anger builds itself up. Divorce is never our intention when we promise to love one another “till death do us part”. To survive the divorce process the individuals involved need to seek out resources available to them and utilize professional services that will assist them in the divorce process. On the other hand if the two parties involved want to save their marriage it is possible to rekindle the romance in your lives and have everlasting and enduring marriages.

References eHow. (2011). Divorce and Separation Help. Retrieved from http://www.ehow.com/way_5306287_divorce-separtion.html
Divorceinfo. (2011). How Can I Take Care of Myself? Retrieved from http://www.divorceinfo.com/careforself.htm
McCloud, L. (2006). Top Reasons People Divorce. Retrieved from http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/35097/top_reasons_people_divorce.html?cat=41
NationMaster. (2011). Divorce Rate (most recent) by Country. Retrieved from http://www.nationmaster.com/graph/peo_div_rat-people-divorce-rate
Phoenix New Times. (2009). Father 's Day Horror: Man Kills Himself and Daughter In Apparent Murder Suicide. Retrieved from http://blogs.phoenixnewtimes.com/valleyfever/2009/06/fathers_day_horror_man_kills_h.php
Total Divorce. (2011). Divorce Acrimony Linked to Separate Murders in Three States This Past Week! Retrieved from http://www.totaldivorce.com/news/article/unusual/bitter-divorces.aspx

References: eHow. (2011). Divorce and Separation Help. Retrieved from http://www.ehow.com/way_5306287_divorce-separtion.html Divorceinfo. (2011). How Can I Take Care of Myself? Retrieved from http://www.divorceinfo.com/careforself.htm McCloud, L. (2006). Top Reasons People Divorce. Retrieved from http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/35097/top_reasons_people_divorce.html?cat=41 NationMaster. (2011). Divorce Rate (most recent) by Country. Retrieved from http://www.nationmaster.com/graph/peo_div_rat-people-divorce-rate Phoenix New Times. (2009). Father 's Day Horror: Man Kills Himself and Daughter In Apparent Murder Suicide. Retrieved from http://blogs.phoenixnewtimes.com/valleyfever/2009/06/fathers_day_horror_man_kills_h.php Total Divorce. (2011). Divorce Acrimony Linked to Separate Murders in Three States This Past Week! Retrieved from http://www.totaldivorce.com/news/article/unusual/bitter-divorces.aspx