Domestic Manager vs International Manager

UNDERSTANDING MY OWN CULTURE

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim. In the name of Allah, Most Gracious and Merciful. If you notice from the recited words you will know that I am a Muslim and let me introduce myself as Nor Laila Binti Hassan. This story begins from 19th century, whereby my ancestor who is of a Siamese ethnic came from Siam or now known as Thailand to settle down in Kedah (one of the state in North Malaysia) and married one of the locals. During that time Kedah was started to be influenced by Islamic religion and culture and my ancestors with all their descendants were all Muslims. They were known among the villagers as to come from a religious family. My great grandfather is what they called as the learned elders a.k.a Tok Guru. Tok Guru spreads the teachings of Islam and a religious teacher and everyone in the village really respected him. His name is Tuan Haji Yaacob bin Sibar. He had a daughter and a son. His daughter’s name was Aminah and his son’s name was Mohamad Zain. My family root started when one of Aminah’s son i.e- Hassan married with his cousin i.e Mohamed Zain’s daughter by the name of Latifah and both of them are my beloved parents. Normally, old folks at the material time prefer inter-related marriage for their children in order to preserve the dignity and the wealth of a family from leaking to the outsiders.

During that time, Islam influences almost every aspects of life among the Malays and is the foundation for Malay cultural solidarity inclusive of the practice of polygamous marriage. Some of the villagers prefer to married off their daughters to a Tok Guru as either the second or third wife as they believed that Tok Guru will guide their daughter well. I still remembered when my late father Allahyarham Ustadz Hassan Bin Mohamed Yasin still alive, he told me that my grandfather had four wives and my grandmother was his second wife. He also said that my grandfather was also known as Tok Guru and migrated to Mecca to deepen his knowledge and died there. During the demise of my grandfather, my grandmother was still his wife whereas all the other wives had either been divorced or predeceased my grandfather. On my mother side, she had four siblings and she was the only daughter in the family. My mother is a very intelligent person and good with memories and numbers. However being a girl she had only been allowed to finish her school up to standard six because my grandmother believed that high learning opportunity should not be given to a girl. Malay’s mothers also prefer their son to further their studies into higher level of education. My late father is given the opportunity to study in Mecca specifically in Arabic or Quran Language. This shows that the discrimination of gender is also dominant among the Malay’s family in terms of learning opportunity.

My parent had been married for 49 years and they have been blessed with six children, three boys and three girls. I am their fifth children and I have been taught or educated about my own Malay cultures, my parents, family, and grandparents and also from my Malay friends. These peoples actually influenced me on how I view the world and relates with others at home and at the workplace. I am 34 years old now and I consider some of the values and ethics that my parent taught me or descended to me are very much valuable and important and insya Allah I will try to pass the same values to my children. Therefore, in this essay I will like to talk more about the Malays values that my family practices in our daily life.

a. Symbol in Malays Culture

In Malays culture, we have many symbols that represent our ethnic such as by their local costume and dressing. For example, Malay’s men normally wear songkok or ketayap when they want to go to mosque or during Hari Raya. Malays also prefer to wear sarong which for men they called it as kain pelekat whereas for women it is called as kain batik. I still remembered last month I did a circumcision ceremony for my elder son. He was just eight years old and he actually volunteered to do this. He said the reason he wants to do this because he wants to be in the front row of saf when he performs his prayer in the mosque together with others as once a children is circumcised, he is deemed to be as an adult and entitled to some of adult privileges. After the circumcision ceremony, I remembered he had to wear kain pelekat for two weeks because he was not able to wear pant.

b. Shame and concern over the good name of the family

Furthermore, Malays are also governed by the spirit of shame or malu. It is said that a person who has no shame means that he or she no longer has special Malays quality of refined behavior or sopan and also good manners or tatasusila. Normally, for a Malay to bring shame to the family is disgrace to the honour of the family or air muka. In my family, to act in righteous behavior and to preserve the dignity of a family is very important whereby my mother always remind me during my early years when separated with the family to uphold my family’s dignity. And she always advised me to be cautious of my actions and behaviours since my father is an Ustadz or religious teacher in the society. Maybe this is the main reason why I was married off early by my father ie upon completion of my tertiary level of study as precaution from any immoral conducts and to avoid any bad talks about his daughter by the society.

c. Warmth and friendliness

Malays culture is also well known for their warmth and hospitalities to our relatives, neighbours and friends. My mother is the most friendly and easy to talk to among us and to the extent even there is guests coming by or dropping by our house in the middle of the night she would entertain them with smiling face and even offered foods and shelter to make them feel comfortable. My mother always said that if somebody comes to our house we should welcome them with open arms because the said visit will actually brings prosperity and wealth into our home. Even, during fasting month of Ramadhan, my mother will cook extra dishes and then she will distribute some of dishes to be shared among our neighbours. This attitude was in practice since I was little kid and until now adopted by me in terms of dealing with my neighbours even though I live in a city.

d. Respect for elders

Malays also believe that the most significant of the Malay values is respect for elders. From young, we were taught to address our aunts and uncles based on their hierarchical positions in the family tree. For example from my mother family side the hierarchical positions start with Pak Long, Mak Ngah, Pak Lang and Pak Su. Since my mother is the second and middle children in the family therefore all her nieces and nephews call her Mak Ngah. Among my siblings also we have been addressed based on the status in the family wherein the eldest among us is called as Kak Long and the youngest is called as Adik. Even at home, we were taught to respect our parents, aunts and uncles by showing the right body language. The right attitude here such as while shook hands, we were also to kiss their hands as a sign of respect and another example is while walking in front of them we have to bend our shoulders a little bit as a sign of respect. I remembered when I was small I usually run blatantly and without any manners in front of my uncles and aunts and at the same time my mother will pinch my ear for doing it. Besides that, we were also taught to take good care of our parent by looking after their welfares, obeying them and implement our duties by following and complying with their wishes. We were also forbidden from questioning or disagreeing with them as they are wiser in age and if we still do it we were considered as impolite or disobedient.

e. Doing things together/Working together

Malays, normally feel more comfortable doing things in a group or Jammah than performing it alone. In my family, we strongly believe in enhancing family ties and we always have spirits of working together as family members. For example when there are feasts held by in the family, our family will work together or bergotong- royong in ensuring that the feast is going smoothly. This situation always happen in feasts such as kenduri kahwin, kenduri doa selamat and kenduri tahlil. I remembered during my wedding ceremony all my relatives will work together to ensure that the ceremony is going well from the beginning until the end. The spirit still continues in my cousin’s wedding and other feasts that related with family ties.

f. Not showing off

In Malays culture, we don’t like the attitude of showing off. We think that people who likes to show off is arrogant and haughty. I remembered when my aunty came back from London and she spoke in London slang language in our village, all her relatives think that she was showing off. All the villagers called her mat saleh celup and she felt ashamed of that title therefore from that moment on she stopped talking in English London slang. Since then we knew that Malay society did not like Malays to show off among them.

g. Indirectness

Furthermore, an idiomatic sayings are always been used in Malays family in order to remind them of their Malay roots. Phrases such as kacang lupakan kulit and berakit ke hulu, berenang ke tepian, bersakit dahulu, bersenang kemudian have been reminded and taught by my mother in our daily life. These sayings also are what we called as Malay’s indirectness that is clearly portrayed in the Malay vocabulary. I remembered when I have to go to boarding school in form 1 my mother always remind me of these two phrases which kacang lupakan kulit means wherever you go don’t forget who you are, where you come from and what are your root whereas berakit ke hulu, berenang ke tepian, bersakit dahulu, bersenang kemudian means if you want to be successful in your life you have to struggle first before succeeding in your life.

h. Close relationships

Malays also emphasis the nurturing of good and close relationships with others especially those who are family related. For example, when we got married and have our own life, we will make sure that we buy our matrimonial house nearby our parent’s house. This is because we believed that it is better to buy house near to our relatives compared to our office as if there is emergency situation we can rely on our parent, siblings and relatives for helps. Even though our father had passed away since 3 years ago but the relationship still close and we still look after our mother by daily visits and queries on her health and conditions although she is staying with my youngest brother which we called as adik. Every weekend we will gather at our mother’s house and she will cook special dishes for all her children and grandchildren. I think the traditional foods and delicacies cooked by my mother brought us together. Some of the dishes that she likes to cook for us such as nasi tomato daging, laksa Kedah, rendang daging or ayam and gulai kari kepala ikan. Some of the recipes she has passed it to her daughters and daughter in law.

i. Tolerance

Another related value in Malays culture is showing tolerance when settling any argument. For example when my father passed away and all his properties are being divided among his wife and all his children in the manner as our father wanted. As children we simply followed what our father has willed on us because we want to prevent disagreement, preserve harmony in the family and honouring his last wishes. Even, in a working environment I try to preserve harmony by remain quiet when there is misunderstanding or arguments occurred with my co- workers. However this attitude gives a negative consequence by keeping my frustration to me and it is not good. But since I am a very patient person and always believed in Allah I will try to control my feeling from doing something brazen or stupid. Sometimes I prefer to become middleperson to solve any misunderstanding or arguments between co-workers.

j. Shy to ask questions

Malays are also shy so it is important to pay attention to non-verbal communication. For example during my secondary school I am too shy to ask questions in class or to address in public. Maybe this was because at secondary school, I was in a religious boarding school where girl is not encouraged to expose ourselves in the classroom by asking questions unless if we have been invited to do so. However when time goes by and I further my studies to university level the environment is different and competitive whereby you have to become more open, confidence and brave in the classroom and public. If not you will be left out compared to other students who come from different ethnic background or environments. Sometimes we have to be selective and flexible in our culture intelligence so that we can fit into different environments and dealt with different person. People who are culture intelligence and flexible adapting to their current situation tend to be more successful compared to people who are rigid and hard headed.

k. Fatalism

Another Malays value which I observed is the concept of fatalism. Malays normally believe that success, failure, opportunity and misfortune result from fate or the will of Allah. We would rely on the revealed knowledge of the Holy Quran and Hadith and Sunnah which are based on sayings and practices of Prophet Muhammad. As Muslims, we have been taught to work hard in doing something and at the same time after due effort surrender our fate to and with Allah. However if we did not be able to achieve what we want, we have to accept the fact that it is not meant to be or we need to accept the preordained designated by Allah or the qada and qadar. For example, in preparing for a major examination, I will not only put in extra study time but also pray to Allah for his guidance. And if I fail in my exam, I tend to resign to my failure and accept it as unfortunate or tidak ada rezeki in that occasion. However in the working environment I tend to use words such as insyaallah which means god willing when we want to promise to do something or Alhamdulillah which means thank to Allah if he fulfills our request. Since previously I mentioned that my family comes from a very religious family therefore words such as insyaallah and Alhamdulillah are commonly used in our daily life. Even now when I am a wife, a mother to three children without maid and a MBA student if I have problems I always believe that Allah is always with us and if you ask or seek His guidance, insyaallah He will helps us.

l. High context culture

Another value that Malays family practice is we tend not to hurt other people’s feeling by discreet in our advice. This value is part of a high context culture when dealing with other people. For example, when we have conservation with other people and that people is doing something which is unacceptable, we tend to advise that person indirectly in public resulting with an embarrassment or shame to him. We also tend to give positive comments to other people in order to proactive them even though it is not true what we are saying. Maybe one of the reason for this is we want to avoid disharmony in the relationship. Furthermore, the attitudes of collectivism among us also promote the attitude of taking care of each other as it encourages us to practices high context culture.

m. Role model

Malays normally choose parents or elder as their role model. For example my role model is not someone who is famous or historic. Actually, my role model is my late father Ustadz Hassan Bin Mohamed Yasin. I am very close with my father. He was like my mentor, listener and advisor to me. Even though, he was an Ustadz or religious teacher but he never force his values on something that I don’t want to do. He let me learn through my experience what is good or bad for me and guided me throughout the way. He was very generous and he always helped anybody who seeks for his helps. Even he was willing to raise and support a few of my cousins who are orphans starting from their early years until they finished their studies. He did this not for any repayment but because of his concern, responsibility and sincerity to them. Even when he died, his life is taken by Allah slowly and easily and he was buried on Friday morning which among Muslims it is deemed as good omen. I am proud with him and I hope that I can become generous and kind like him.

Reflections

Finally, I would say the values observed by Malays are normally related with the cultural dimensions of relationship, harmony, collectivism, religious, high context and spiritual. All the good values as I mentioned before has lead me in becoming a good person and I am hoping to pass on all these values to my children so that they will know who they are and from which roots they come from. As for Muslim, by understanding and adhering to the 5 pillars in Islam and rules of faith, I have developed a strong sense of faith in the oneness of Allah. In order to be good Muslim, I need to perform good deeds and avoiding doing major sins such as gambling, alcohol drinker, murder, involve in corruption, stealing and robbing, fortune telling and so on. Like other Malay Muslims, I believed that my religious is the one that give me the strength and purpose with my life.

Challenges that my culture is facing in view of the forces of change In Malays culture, the challenges that we are facing most of it come from Modernization, Westernization and Information Technology. Modernization refers to the transformation of a traditional, feudal society into a progressive, modern one. For example women in my family are mostly working and have their own careers compared to our mothers during the old days that have much time to prepare traditionally dishes for their children. Different to us, we normally cook instant food to serve our family which are much easier and convenience. Today we can see many instant foods from different varieties of brand that are easier to cook such as nasi beriyani segera, nasi tomato segera and so on. Sometimes we also tend to go for fast food at the nearby restaurant. The negative part about this is our children would not get clean and healthy foods cooked traditionally by their own mother’s hand which old people said if you serve food cooked by yourself to your children the tendency for your children to listen to you is quite high.

As for westernization, our Malays culture today is more influenced by the Western culture. For example twice in a month, our family will eat western foods such as Mac Donalds and Pizza Hut. When we are travelling or outing we are much comfortable of wearing jeans and t-shirt. Young people in my family prefer to hear western music compared to traditional local music. Sometimes there is less respect between the young ones with the elders. I remembered my sister said when Hari Raya, her son Aiman prefer to stay at home rather that going back to his village with his family and siblings. This situation shows the reduction of collectivism in our Malays culture.

Finally, another force of changes that Malays culture faces is information technology. Information technology has change the way people convey message. For example children and young people’s today are more advanced in technology. Even, in my family I can see my kids have their own face book account and they even know how to download and upload pictures from the internet even though their age are still young to do it. They also prefer to play games from internet even though when their uncle and aunties come and visit them. These show that there are less respect of the elders and less gathering with family because of twenty four hours with the internet and game. The impact of information technology gives a large influence to social problem if not being monitored by the parents. Besides that when they grow up they will become less confidence and less self esteem in themselves when they started to work. This is because of they are too extreme with the internet and they are less socializing with people around them. This situation really happens to my youngest brother who is too much playing game; he wouldn’t even know how to socialize with people around him.

KEY ELEMENTS OF MALAY CULTURE

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REFERENCES

Asma Abdullah, Koh Soo Ling (2010), CULTURE Matters in Malaysia Second Edition, A Collection of Essays on Malaysian cultural values and assumptions.

Asma Abdullah, Paul B. Pedersen (2003), Understanding Multicultural Malaysia Delights, Puzzles & Irritations, Prentice Hall Publications.

Interviews with family and relatives.
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SYMBOLS
Sultan, Keris, Baju Kurung, Mosque, Baju Melayu, Kampung, UMNO, Halal

References: Asma Abdullah, Koh Soo Ling (2010), CULTURE Matters in Malaysia Second Edition, A Collection of Essays on Malaysian cultural values and assumptions. Asma Abdullah, Paul B. Pedersen (2003), Understanding Multicultural Malaysia Delights, Puzzles & Irritations, Prentice Hall Publications. Interviews with family and relatives. ----------------------- SYMBOLS Sultan, Keris, Baju Kurung, Mosque, Baju Melayu, Kampung, UMNO, Halal