Domestic Violence And Self-Harm

Children’s growth and perspective of the world alters after being exposed to various form of domestic violence, but what is domestic violence? According to NCADV, National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, domestic violence is defined as the “willful intimidation, physical assault, battery, sexual assault, and other behavior as part of a systematic pattern of power and control perpetrated by one intimate partner against another.” The perpetrator uses coercive measures to control and degrade the victim. Some types of domestic violence include, but not limited to threats of violence, physical, sexual, financial, and psychological abuse. Although domestic violence takes many forms, domestic violence on children has great, long-term consequences
as it affects the victim’s growth, attitude, and interpretation of the world.
Children who have been exposed to some sort of domestic violence experience psychological problem because they did not grow up in a healthy community. According to statistics, “children were present in over half of cases (55 percent) when domestic violence took place.” (Devaney and Anne Mahon, 24). Domestic violence has a major impact which affects the growth and perspective of the child. For instance, victims often have post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) caused by constant threats and beatings. According to Thomas Alan Mellman, victims have “nightmares, and difficulty initiating and maintaining sleep as symptom criteria” (ch 21. Pg299, Mellman). The victims constantly move during sleep and wake up in the middle of the night, which is caused by anxiety and insecurities at home. Not having enough sleep affects the child’s development as well.
Victims of domestic violence tend to find coping solutions to deal with domestic violence while not seeking help from others.
An example of unsuccessful coping strategy includes self-injury. Unable to seek help, victims might use self-harm to normalize their extreme emotions toward domestic violence. Children who witness domestic violence believe self-harm is helpful to put domestic violence to a halt. Self-harm can prevent the abusive parent from hurting his/her intimate partner. However, this method does not put an end to the domestic violence, but only affects the witness mentally. Another reason for children who are experiencing domestic violence to self-harm is to relieve tension and to feel numb from pain. Self-injury can divert and distract themselves from emotional pain. Furthermore, children deject themselves from the world and punish themselves with self-harm because they believe that they are not doing enough or that they are lacking in some aspects. Although it may seem like a way to cope with problems, it is not worthy in the
long-run. Han Kang’s The Vegetarian provides an extreme outcome to the long-term domestic violence. Yeong-hye has experienced domestic violence at an early age. Even in the early part of the novel, Han Kang purposely introduces Yeong-hye’s family during a dinner gathering because it shows how distantly the family interacts with one another and treats Yeong-hye with force and annoyance. Her father, knowing the fact that Yeong-hye has been acting weirdly, still does not take into any consideration of her feelings. For instance, at the dinner table, Yeong-hye’s husband takes notice of his father-in-law “mashing the pork to a pulp on my wife’s lips as she struggled in agony… Eventually, he flew into a passion again, and struck her in the face once more.” (47). Rather than identifying the root of Yeong-hye’s problem, Yeong-hye’s father simply and aggressively puts meat into Yeong-hye’s mouth hoping it will change her appetite. The father, being the head of the family, uses force and his “power” to control Yeong-hye because he believes that she should respect and obey him. Therefore, disobeying his command, the father decides to physically abuse on Yeong-hye. After experiencing the father’s continuous abusive behavior, Yeong-hye “turned back and picked up the fruit knife that had been lying on the dining table. Blood ribboned out of her wrist.” Yeong-hye presumes that if she threatens them with her health, she will be able to stop the abuse. Yeong-hye is traumatized by the constant domestic violence, which makes her feel numb. She prefers to harm herself than to experience her stubborn father’s physical abuse. As shown through the novel, threatening her family with self-harm does prevent her from being abused at the moment, but it does not change her father’s mindset.
Another incident that proves that Yeong-hye has experienced constant domestic violence is when In-hye reflects upon everything that has happened to Yeong-hye and says, “Yeong-hye had been the only victim of their fathers’ beating…Only Yeong-hye, docile and naïve, had been unable to deflect their father’s temper or put up any form of resistance. Instead, she had merely absorbed all her suffering inside her, deep into the marrow of her bones.” (162-163). Yeong-hye finds it difficult to seek help because of the limitations as a child and as well as being the only person in the family to experience such abuse. Within the family of five, she is the only one who has to go through the struggle, which makes it harder for her to share her experience.
Yeong-hye’s dream that causes her to give up on life and humanity is formed through all the sufferings she has faced ever since she was a child. Unable to release her stress and miseries, she has not learned to take good care of herself, nor have a healthy mentality to keep herself from self-harm and suicidal thoughts. Domestic violence influences Yeong-hye’s personality. Because she experiences the physical and emotional abuse, Yeong-hye has given up on humanity, believing that humans are cruel animals who do harm to one another. Sympathizing animal cruelty, Yeong-hye decides to become a vegetarian. After several years of more domestic violence, she despises human and would rather become a plant, which is contributive to a healthy environment.
Through the context of The Vegetarian, readers notice the long-term consequences of domestic violence. Victims, like Yeong-hye, experience constant abuse, which leads to their suicidal thoughts. Although The Vegetarian shows the extreme case of domestic violence on children, it conveys a message that the victim may seem outwardly healthy, but no one knows what he/she is going through because they have a difficult time seeking help. It is better for victims to seek help as soon as possible to prevent self-harm and suicidal thoughts. Another text that discusses the aftereffect of domestic violence is Cate Marvin’s After Aftermath from the collection Oracle. The poem discusses the consequences of abandoning a child, which is a form linked to domestic violence. The speaker says, “They learn how to not care for themselves because of you. Orphaned boys make mean men.” (Marvin, 15-18). Their personality is reflected upon the way they were raised. Orphaned boys grow up not knowing how to care for others nor himself because their parents have not taught them. The speaker describes orphaned boys as cold and mean because they learn to do what their mothers teach them which include “dropping off the other end of their phones,” and “learned how to not care for themselves.” The child maltreatment results in harm to the child and his potential partner. Through the voice of a girl who loves an orphaned boy, readers notice the orphaned boys’ cold attitude towards the intimate partner. The speaker describes the cycle of human behavior, in which the way parents act affects the growth of their child.
The speaker says, “Orphan boys make mean men,” and “Who’s/ become our father? Your son, Mom, your son.” The message the poem tries to convey is that the attribute of the child depends on the attitude of his/her parents because they copy what they learned or have not learned from adults closely related to him/her. Furthermore, the speaker discusses the long-term effect of domestic violence and neglecting the child. As the orphan child matures, he has a chance of acting like his father. However, witnessing the unreliable marriage his parents had, the orphan boy has a greater chance of implementing similar actions. Therefore, “boys who witness domestic violence are twice as likely to abuse their own partners and children when they become adults.” (Research Institute). Furthermore, research has shown “that child abuse victims were more likely to perpetrate youth violence (up to 6.6 percent for females and 11.9 percent for males).” (Research institute). Parents are necessary to provide the epitome of good parenting for their children to learn what’s best for people who they would eventually
value.
Children who experienced or witnessed domestic violence can have either learn from what they have witnessed or have a valuable lesson as they transition to adulthood. SAGE Knowledge has surveyed children from “London, the north-east and the south-west of England” (Mullender, et al, ch.2, 25) to find further information about the perspective of children who has experienced or witnessed domestic violence. Within the many children SAGE has surveyed, a daughter, who knows about her father’s domestic abuse, stated, “I felt really nervous about talking to you, and guilty because my mum and dad are wonderful…It's not their fault, it's just the way it is with them.”(ch.4, 109). Although she admits that her mother is going through domestic violence, she assumes that the problem will eventually diminish. Therefore, she did not seek for help. Based on the child’s “own perceptions and understandings,” (ch.4, 109) domestic violence have various effects on different children. For example, some children, with the same mindset as the daughter, believes it is reasonable for her father to act violently towards her mother. On the other hand, there are also some children who learn to defend the abused parent and themselves. An eleven-year-old daughter said, “If you touch me, I'm going to call the police to you. I won't take it.” (ch.4, 98). The daughter learned ways to overcome the problem. As children in an abusive family mature, there are completely opposite views on the perspective of the world.
It is imperative to seek for help; however, constantly being threatened only makes it harder for children to speak up and look for solutions. Without the knowledge of the wide resources they have and ability to use them, victims normally hide the fact that they are being abused. Some of the successful coping strategies include having an emotional support from the extended family, seeking for outside resources that can provide a safe community for the victim, meditating, being detached from the abuser, and building a network of supportive friends. Methods are used to reduce traumas and PTSD severity, which includes “medication, environmental modifications and patient education regarding healthy sleep behaviors could be useful and efficient interventions” (Mellman, 304). Once the victim is able to reflect and look back on the painful memories without having anxiety, he/she will be stronger and be able to deal with threatening problems in the future. Finding support not only recovers one from the trauma, but also help create a healthy mentality when there is a need to release stress.