wherever he went taking things apart, but not putting them back together, thusly Donald-the-Wrecker, after his namesake Grandpa Donald. Not only adventurous and fearless it seemed he inherited his dad’s accident-proneness; it was one grand adventure or after another throughout his young life. That was Donny. Nothing ever prepares you for the scene that unfolded before us on that frigid February morning in 1997.
He fell backwards down the stairs and hit his head on the concrete floor at his best friend Jason’s house. Donny’s life started over that day and our worst nightmare began. I thought, I remembered that day with clarity. After talking to Donny’s brother Cory this past weekend, it seems the memories are fading with time as they often do. The phone only rings once when I hear my four-year-old grandson Beau singing in the background. Cory is yelling at Ralph, their Great Dane to quit chasing squirrels in the backyard. In an accusing tone he …show more content…
says, “Ok Ter, you haven’t called me since November 21st, it says it right here on my phone,” Ter is for dramatic effect. “Well Chuck” his nickname since he was two “it seems you haven’t called me since, oh, the 21st of November either and ya know the phone works both ways! What do you remember that morning of Don’s accident? Beau wants to talk to Grammy Ter.” “Hello Beausey, what-cha doing?” “Watchin’ Goldilocks, love ya Grammy Ter” off he goes. Cory laughs, “I remember that day like it was yesterday. I even remember what I was wearing, my blue nylon Nike jacket and pants,” he said. “Funny, I remember wearing Mark’s blue Ramsey Firefighter sweatshirt that my cousin Kelly gave him for Christmas and a pair of blue jeans. Did I answer the phone that morning?” “No” Cory said, “Donny’s friend Mikey called our phone line downstairs around 6:30 that morning. He said Donny was hurt and on his way to North Memorial Hospital in an ambulance and we better come. I went upstairs and woke you and Mark up” (my husband and their step dad). “Chuck, remember what I wore, but I don’t remember that. Mikey was the only friend of Don’s that was at the hospital that morning and weirder yet he sat right next me, even though we had never met.” “Well, ya know it was me and you that went to the hospital?” Cory said. “Yes, I kissed Mark goodbye promising him I would call if we needed him. When we got there an hour later, they were wheeling your brother back from a CT-Scan. He was throwing up. I asked Donny if he knew who I was and he said “Ya, that’s my mom. The last words he said to me.” “Mom, he was talking when we got there. He told me the EMT lady had a nice rack!” I laughed, “Gotta go Ter”, I could hear Ralph barking, “call me later. Love ya!” The doctor made us feel like he was dealing with a “drunken” kid that hit his head. Later he would came back with a surprised look on his face to tell us that Donny had fractured his skull and there was bleeding in his brain. It seemed like eternity when the triage nurse called to have us come to the trauma center. We were numb with shock at that point. It was as horrifying as any scene on the TV show ER, doctors and nurses hovering over him, a small white towel was the only thing covering him. The triage nurse said the bleeding was worse and they had called in the Neurosurgeon, Dr. Alberg to perform the procedure. When I walked up to Donny, he was breaking out in hives from the seizure medication Dilantin; there were tubes in his nose, throat, and IV’s in both arms. I gave him a kiss and said, “I love you.” It was surreal, as we stood back with the triage nurse; Cory put his arms around me and said, “Everything would be ok mom.” Donny was on his way to his first surgery and by 1:00 pm Dr. Alberg meet with us and said, “Donald’s injuries are serious, during the procedure blood actually shot into the air hitting the ceiling because of the pressure. He is in what we call an induced coma and the next 24-48 hours will tell the story. We will just have to wait and see.” At 2:30 am we were awaken again by the phone ringing, I knew who it was, the trauma nurse “His blood wasn’t clotting and hurry!” Finally, after waiting for hours during his second surgery Mark, Donny’s Grandma Mabel, and I went to ICU to see Dr. Alberg. He point blankly said: “Donald’s injuries are extensive. I have removed a piece of bone from the left front temporal along with a piece of damaged brain tissue. He has a 20% chance to live and of the 20% -0% chance of ever being the same person. The bone is frozen and will be surgically replaced if he survives.” What does he mean survive?
As we sat there on the edge of our sets stunned and speechless, I remember thinking what part of my child had he removed. How do you wrap your mind around that? By the end of that weekend, Donny’s brain damage was extensive. Mostly, to the left front lobe of his brain leaving him with virtually no short-term or long-term memory, he speaks in two and three word sentences, lacks inhibitions, and has paralyzes to his right side. Later, we would find out a stroke spot in the back of the brain caused damage to the vision center and scientifically not capable of vision. This was just the beginning of a long endless journey of hospitals, nursing homes, and group homes. Because of complications with seizures and aspirated pneumonia, he participated in the brain-injury stimulation program at Bethesda Hospital in St. Paul, previously denied by insurance because of its exploratory nature. He was a tall, lanky 6”2’ young man, weighing 148 pounds on that frigid February morning. When we checked him into Bethesda on May 9 of 1997, he was a skeletal 108 pounds. This was Donny’s turning point when his will to survive kicked into full gear and he never looked
back. Donny’s communication log expresses some of my anguish and heartache, keep in mind I haven’t read this in over 18 years. Choking back tears and feeling the lump growing in my throat as I type:
April 1st, “I’m glad you are coming back again, so we can move forward. Love you and miss my old Don, hurry back!” April 16, “I love you and thank the lord every day for the strength to help you through this.” April 25, “I pray every day. You are in god’s hands Don and he will do what’s right for you. I believe in that. Don’t know how I manage every day. It gets harder and harder with each thing you go thru. I’m so proud of you and your brothers. Love mom, I miss you!” Later that fall. “I grieve for my old son every day, and wonder what my new son will be like, we are learning with him every day” We are a family of survivors that have settled into a life the best we can with the “New Donny.” He lives in a stable group home that provides him excellent 24-hour care. His is a simple life, he is healthy, loves to sing, and is always happy, happy, happy. I believe you are where you are supposed to be in this life, you learn as you go and moments like these define you as a person. It took 17 years for my “epiphany.” None of this ever made sense often questioning my faith but a special young woman named Brianna (manages his group home) helped me realize that his purpose in life is to make others happy. He just has that way about him because he lights up the room with his smile and is truly extraordinary.