Drinking: A Short Story

PARTY
"Oh my god, I am so drunk", I hear someone shout out above the crowd. I stop for a second and think to myself. "Wait a second, why am I drinking?" my friend comes up and hands me a beer and says, "Hey wimp drink up!" So I figure, hey why not. Two o'clock roles around and I am feeling like I drank myself stupid, which I have. All of a sudden I realize I have my dad's truck, and he needs it in about three hours. So little time, what am I going to do? Here are some easy steps to sober up quickly, that even a drunk can follow.

First, I know I am hungry, so go get some food dummy! Food is the first thing I need to think of. As someone starts drinking, the food in their stomach begins to absorb the alcohol. When the food has become saturated, the body then begins to absorb the alcohol, hence the feeling of drunkenness. Therefore when I have eaten a lot it takes me a long time to get drunk. I need to get food in me to soak up the alcohol, like a sponge. I look through the fridge trying to find leftovers, hoping to find anything to eat. I know I need to eat until I am full, so next I move on to
the pantry. I am looking for chips, pretzels, anything. If there is no luck in the pantry, I try to find some bread and some P.B. and J. I can always make sandwiches. Because I'm drunk whatever I'm going to eat must be easy to make, and quick, for I am very impatient. Oh yeah, and no cooking required, I don't want to hurt myself, or anyone else for that matter. If the house has been raided, and all else fails, I can find a ride to Denny's. Denny's is the home of the extremely tired or the extremely wasted. At this point money means nothing, because I need to sober and get that truck home safely. I need a whole bunch of food, and chow.

The next thing I need to think of is water. Water is equally as important as food, but food always sounds good. When people are drunk, they usually don't want to drink anything at that point, but I know if I'm going to save my tail, I need water. I get a cup and position myself in front of the sink. Even though ice water is more appealing, ice is bad news when I'm drunk. One time I had a glass of ice water, and I wasn't paying attention. I swallowed a whole ice cube, and nearly choked to death. The rule is one glass of water for every beer or shot that night, so I start drinking. After a while I start to get tired of drinking, but force myself to keep going. If I don't get that truck home I'm a dead man.

Here is the most important part of this process.
I have to keep a level head. Am I still drunk; if the answer is yes, I have two choices. One is to just forget it; I'm not going home. I will face my dad tomorrow, just call him now and let him know I'm not coming home. The other choice is to find two sober people I trust. One of them can driver me and the truck back to my place, and of course, if one of them is a pretty lady, she can stay the night. The other person can pick the first one up. If I am not drunk, I have two choices. The first is to risk it and drive myself home, but this is very dangerous. I never drive home alone if I have been drinking. The other choice is to find a sober driver, and ask them to follow me home. They can't do much, other than to keep me alert to my driving skills. After all of the trouble I need to get the truck home, so I make it
happen.

If I have followed these steps, I should make it home safe every time. Well, sure enough, I have made it home, and with the truck in one piece. This was a very bad experience for me; I swear to myself that it will never happen again. Drinking and driving is very stupid and very dangerous. Many people die from drinking and driving, or they kill someone else. Next time I go to a party, I will make sure I don't drink, not even a sip. I will make sure I'm never in that situation again. Don't drink and drive.