Eulogy For High School

“Devany, would you please read this passage aloud to the class?”
Oh no, not again. A crowd of amused snickers erupted from behind me. It seemed as though my teacher had forgotten to accessorize with her pitchfork and horns this morning. I looked up at her and crossly glared. Apparently, no number of parent-teacher conferences could deter her from her “we sometimes have to do things we do not want to” mentality. I looked down at the page and read very slowly, stumbling and whistling through every s, sh, st and everything of the like. I sounded like an angry teapot. This was my own personal hell, and I had an audience. Boy, were they having the time of their lives. You would have thought that I was the world’s best stand-up comedian. I had
Second graders, what can you say? They are some of the most creative suckers you will ever meet. I had the tremendous honor of getting adorned with the name Hockey Mouth. This magical pseudonym managed to make me more popular than ever before. Everybody was able to recognize me at a glance. I was a hot topic. If you did not know who I was, you did not have to live that way much longer because someone would relish the joy of pointing me out to you. Ah yes. Recess, the short time during which I could separate myself from the other children. This sweet breath of peace was enough to keep me relatively sane for most of the school day. I could piddle about by myself, swing on a swing, and just be a plain kid. Every now and then I would even hang out with my older brother if he was not too busy. Being two grades ahead of me, Colton and I shared the same lunch and recess. However, Colton had those things you call friends, so we did not hang out too much.
Anyways, on this particular day, something possessed me to be near other children and go on the slides. My favorite slide was a large, yellow, tube slide. It always made me imagine I was sliding down a giraffe’s long neck. It was all going well until the third time I slid down. Breeze through my hair, the whoosh of the wind in my ears, and then I heard
I could not recognize him; I had never even talked to him before. I looked up, and there was my brother, all red in the face, standing at the top of the slide. Colton had managed to pick this boy up and drop him from the top. Needless to say, my little bullying problem stopped in its tracks. People were scared of me now, which was a very pleasant change from my prior state. My existence as prey in the zoo of elementary school was over. I took up acting and singing. I began to raise my hand to read for the class. This shiny, new life of mine was the dream. Nobody ever mentioned my s’s! We had come full circle. Hockey Mouth began and ended on the