Example Satire

Sleep deprived, crabby students attempt to have a “Social life”
Date: November 12, 2013 08:49am
Author: Alice Beck
Word Count: 787

83% of juniors at South St. Paul Secondary High School complain about their teachers, schoolwork, and the lack of a social life due to IB classes.On Thursday, the 11th grade students at South St. Paul High School all cheered and yelled as the bell rang at 2:35 for the day to be over and a three-day weekend to begin. As the students quickly rushed to their lockers, grabbed their backpacks and ran out the school, we overheard conversations of plans for the week. We stopped to speak to a girl clearly on a mission to get home. As we walked quickly behind her, she said loudly, “I’m sick and damn tired of all these people I just want to go home and watch Netflix for three days!” She then sped up and ran away from us. Like the girl, about three fourths of the students said they planned on staying home all weekend and watching Netflix. One girl even said she had started and finished all 5 seasons of Friday Night Lights (43 minute long show, with 12-14 episodes in each season), stating “[She] cried at least 1,000 times during the two day weekend”. As the school cleared out in an incredible 7 minutes, teachers and few students were left in the school gathering their things. We stopped in a Language Arts teacher’s class. The teacher, Mrs. Kelly Pederson, who looked as if she was going to rip all of her hair out and possibly already got a head start, gladly spoke to us not only about her IB students but about her 9th grade students as well. She cheerfully spoke to us stating, “Oh yes, my 9th graders are a handful. They are always talking about the bonfire they went to over the weekend and the fun that they had. Unlike my juniors who generally talk about the new shows and videos they spend their weekend watching.” She then told us she needed to get back to grading an assignment she had assigned almost 4 weeks ago. In a study done in Canada (found on CanadaPoll.com) research shows that Freshman attend about 30 parties in the span of the school year, Sophomores attend about 15, Juniors about 2, and if Seniors are lucky they attend 1, but it is more than likely that they do not attend any. Another poll, also in Canada, showed that 84% of juniors and seniors complain about not being invited or going to parties their last two years of high school. We stopped another junior as he walked out of the school looking half-asleep in stained sweatpants and a t-shirt 3 sizes too big. We asked him what he had planned for the weekend. He replied with a puzzled look on his face, “Plans? Wait, you think I actually go places, ha ha ha. I’m probs gonna go home make some Raman, play Call of Duty and then sleeping for 15 hours. Maybe I’ll go over to someone’s house tomorrow and do the same thing there.” He looked at us blankly and then said suddenly, “Oh and I’ll sit on Twitter for a while listening to all the pointless bullshit drama, but otherwise I have nothing. Why is there something I should know about?” We then asked him about his homework and he sighed dramatically and said he would not do it until Sunday at about 11:00pm. We thanked him and went on our way. As we walked out of the building a girl sat crying on the curb, she said she had broken up with the love of her life and she was going to go home and “drown [herself] in a gallon of ice cream and watch The Notebook”.
As we continued out of the building, two girls got into a small rusted car. We quickly asked them where they were headed, the girl in the driver seat stated, “We’re going to her house.” When asked what they were going to do the other girl answered, “We’re probably going to play Just Dance 4 for like 3 hours, and go to bed by 10! And we’ll do our 10 million hours of homework tomorrow.” The first girl laughed and shouted, “HASHTAG PARTY ANIMALS!” There it is. Even though a majority of the students complain about not having anything to do 0n their weekends, they continue to sit at home and do nothing. Another Poll from CanadaPoll.com says that 74% of 16-18 year olds will not leave their house during the weekend. Twitter, Facebook, Netflix and YouTube are taking over the “social lives” of today’s high school students.