Family Fragmentation

Fragmented Families A great deal has been written and discussed on fragmented families. Family fragmentation is also known as divorced, separated, or broken families. There are many different things that are in great possibility to be tearing families apart. Excessive work schedules, social media, financial status, just to name a few. It has become common today to dismiss the orientation between families. Family orientation is simply the togetherness. To some families being together as a unit is very important, and others not so much. Being together can just be by doing little things such as; dinner at the table, playing games, and movies just to name a few of the possibilities. What does being a family mean? Some say that being a family is just simply people that share the same genetics and takes care of one another. Some also may say blood doesn’t make a family, love does. There is an acrostic for the word family for one to go by that is; “F=Father, A=And, M=Mother, I=I, L=Love, Y=You.” This can simply turn around the meaning of family to some people. One can hear many excuses from young children, and young adults, that “my parents hate me”, “my parents do not love me”, or “my parents do not care about me”. Between all the distracting types of technology in today’s world, there has been one family on television that does not allow that to cause problems within them. Many of the people in today’s society have heard of the most widely viewed television show on A&E Network station, Duck Dynasty. This show has brought in over 11 million viewers across the United States of America. One may ask why has a show about hunting, camouflage and funny comments to one another, getting viewed more than shows that have been on for many years. Society today may have a longing for their family to be as united as the Robertson family. It could also be the last fifteen seconds in each and every episode that the family prays together as they are sitting around the table preparing to eat dinner. Many people may refer to their family as “The family that prays together, stays together.” Another reason that families are enjoying Duck Dynasty is the humoristic side of the family. They are always picking on each other, making fun of one another, but at the end of the day, no matter what, the family finds a way to put that all aside and come together as a “unit”.
The social media networks cause a great deal of complications within the family. Research shows that “Over five million Facebook users are under the age of ten” (Scott). This is a sad statistic because children of that age in my eyes should not be allowed to use any social networking program that could result in harm. By the term “harm”, one can be referring to bullying, sexual assault, and harassment. It is a great possibility at this age they will give in to strangers, and could give away important information that should not be put out to the public. Bullying can lead to suicide. The statistics for suicide says, “Suicide is the third leading cause of death among young people, resulting in about 4,400 deaths per year” (BullyingStatistics). That should be a warning sign to all parents in today’s society that allows their young and upcoming teens be on social networking sites. Yes, this happens in public places, but can be just as harmful as the internet. “Overall, 19% of teens report they have been harassed or bullied online, and the incidence of online harassment is higher (23%) among 16 and 17 year-olds. Girls are more likely to be harassed or bullied than boys (21% vs. 17%)” (O.S.S). Divorce is another problem that has excelled in the world throughout today, and will continue to rise. Research shows that up “40 to 50 percent of married couples in the United States, get divorced” (APA). Marriage can be a great deal for people, if they want to have a family. Yes, marriages have their share of rough patches, but working through those problems is what makes a marriage grow stronger. It is also said to be in research that “children growing up in a happy home protects children from mental, physical, educational and social problems” (APA). Why would you want to risk your child’s future by not allowing them to live in a good and happy environment? “The most important negative effect that divorce will have on a family and should be taken into serious consideration is the disruption that divorce will create on the children’s lives. Often, during a family divorce, parents do not think of anything but themselves and what is in the best of interest for them, and how to get the most out of the divorce financially” (Issac). There are ways to overcome the choice of divorce such as; counseling, psychologists, and marital classes, just to keep both the husband and wife on the same page.
Ellen Sucov was a psychologist, retired from the Faculty of the Department of Psychiatry at the University of Pittsburgh in 1988. She knows how to deal with many different types of people and how to react to the different ways people communicate with each other and want to fix things for the better. Two of Sucov’s first strategies in a book she has written are to “Identify your goals, but be ready to modify them.” This is very powerful considering that anyone may have to compromise with the other. The second strategy she suggests is; “Do not make deadlines.” I strongly agree with not making deadlines for things to happen when it comes to fixing your family. A lot of rebuilding has to be done, and just like rebuilding a house, this is not instantaneous. There are many other great factors to her process that can help, but be patient. Mitch Pearlstein wrote and discussed the different values of the family, and that not every family may have the same values and priorities. The values of a family are set within the family, and can be changed through time according to obstacles that the family may face. Each family is unique in their own way. A recent study was done in July of 2013, about the happiness of a family while being with the family alone, or if they were on their own with friends. This statistic is quite a heart break to me, knowing how much family means to some Ashley Davis wrote in her articles, “Respondents had an improved mood of more than 8 percent when they were with friends, but that fell to 5.9 percent when they were with their partners, children, parents, and coworkers.” Another related source to a family fragmentation could be deployment. Yes, having men and women serve to protect our country for our freedom, can lead to problems in the family. Being away from your spouse, can cause severe depression, and they could potentially find someone else while you are away. Tom Philpott did research on the divorce rates in a military marriage, and it was an outrageous rise from 2001-2012. “The divorce rate among airmen today is almost 64 percent higher than in 2001, and is the highest in the military, according to a recent Defense Department report. A decade ago, when the U.S. invaded Afghanistan, the rate stood at 2.5 divorces per 100 marriages. In 2011, the number jumped to 3.9.” Anyone who is or has experienced this, one can imagine it was not easy for them. Things happen and sometimes the best for you is to just let go and move on. Military children also go through a lot with moving around constantly, and never having both parents at home with them for a long period of time. “Almost one third of military children are at high risk to function abnormally in social groups. In families with combat-related injuries, 68 percent report high distress in children” (Web). Family can be torn apart by one who is going through hard times. Whether they are terminally ill, in jail, or just generally speaking going through a hard time, they need the ones that truly care for them. The one thing they need the most is love and support. Yes, this may be complicated to comprehend around what they have done; it all comes down to how much you care. If one cares enough about the other like family should, all things aside, things would be done to help them. If one took it upon themselves to distance away from the troubled family member, it could show them, you do not care, or do not want anything to do with them because of being ashamed of them. That does not help them want to get better, or want to make any further decisions of overcoming what they might be going through. In the end family is FOREVER and one should never take one single moment spent with them for granted. In the blink of an eye, anyone at any time could be taken from this world. In conclusion, as one may see, there are many different possibilities of what is and could be tearing families apart. Every family is different. Divorced, separated, or broken, families find a way to pull together and support each other no matter the circumstances. All families need to be more like the Duck Dynasty family. They find a way to work through situations and come back together as a family; a “unit”. Families going through the divorce or separation process need to understand that all things need to be done in the best interest of the children involved. The children from broken families are the one who are affected most; often pushed aside or forgotten about because the parents are too busy being selfish. A family is a family. Every family is different and requires different needs. Some need more support, love, more caring attitudes, counseling, lawyers, church and God. Some families just need to take a step back and look at the big picture. Stop becoming consumed by the divorce, separation, court hearing to determine the consequences of a loved one. Accept the support and help that people are offering to you because a spouse or family member has been deployed to serve our country. In the end, all that matters is family. Take hold of the love and the support from family and others.