Florin's Eulogy: Moving Back Home

I don’t like remembering the next few days. There were too many tears involved. One too many times in my life I’ve had to stand at an alter and give a eulogy. One too many times in my life I’ve had to look into the faces of the people I love and remind them of the better days of the beloved. One way too many times.
It was two nights after my brother told Cecilia he had to move back home because my mom lost her job where it all went to disaster. My mother was at Florin’s porch unable to move, sobbing. While Florin was upstairs telling Cecilia his family needed him. Calin was trying to calm my mom down and keep her from barging into the apartment demanding Cecilia she get help and leave Florin alone.
Cecilia called herself selfish because she knew it, she said she couldn’t live without Florin. He was all she had left. She failed psycology school, refused to get help or therapy, didn’t talk with her parents, and dissociated from everyone she used to call her friends. She wasn’t alone but her
Florin wasn’t around much right after the funeral. And my mom cried for weeks striaght. Delia and the crew came over often and held me as I cried. I leaned on them more than anything. They understood me without even having to ask. In front of other people I always worried about my struggle of being too emotional or being too emotionless. But with them, I could be me. I could hurt for as long and loud as I wanted and they understood.
My grieveing for Cecilia was different than the way I grieved for my father. When I lost my father I felt a piece of my life leave. I felt left out of something so simple in life. I was jealous of everyone who still had their father. I lost myself in insecurities and asked God “why” so many times. But Cecilia. This was different. I was broken in a new way. I started to invision myself in her shoes, I invisoned myself with her pain. And I