Four Horsemen In Relationships

The Four Horsemen of the (relationship) Apocalypse emphasizes the problems couple faces while in a relationship. Usually when one of the four behaviors exist within a relationship, it would usually end up with break ups or divorce. Understanding the four behaviors can help couple become more aware of their behaviors and further improve the health of the relationship. The Four Horsemen of the (relationship) Apocalypse are criticism, contempt, stonewalling, defensiveness.
Criticism occurs when both individual in the relationship are constantly blaming on each other. Criticism can also damage a person’s identity and ego, making it one of the destructive characteristic within a toxic relationship. If the relationship constantly has phrases such as “You’re a jerk”, “Why are you so lazy”, “you are stupid”; there might be criticism going on.
A good example is making fun of your partner’s characteristics by mimicking it in a dark humorous way. Another example are phrases like “I am smarter than you”, “You are nothing”. It is said that this behavior as the most detrimental from the other three. Stonewalling is probably one of the passive aggressive behavior within the 4 horseman apocalypse. This phenomenon happens when both individual are silent and avoiding communication with each other. It also accompanies some physical changes like increased heart rate, crossing arms and not making eye contact. Usually people start stonewalling when they are feeling agitated in the mind. The last behavior in the 4 Horsemen Apocalypse is defensiveness. Defensiveness is characterized when faced with criticism. It is natural for a person to defend negativity from their ego. Being defensive may sound counterintuitive, why is to bad to be defensive? Being defensive may escalate to more conflict and criticisms, which in turn becomes a fight.
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