Freedom: Adolescence and Teenagers

Teenagers need guidance and good parenting. Many factors affect outcomes in teenagers. Personal resources, the characteristics of the child, and the stress or support parents get from school, family, and community all enter into the results.

Peer pressure can be a very positive force. Teenagers normally choose friends with similar values and tastes to theirs. Parents should still retain the major influence over the child’s life. Research shows that parents who monitor their children can help prevent a number of risky behaviours. Monitoring also gives teenagers the message that with increasing privileges comes increasing responsibilities. Parental monitoring means establishing guidelines and limits for your child in order to keep track of what is going on in his or her social world. It means knowing:

• where your kids are
• who they are with
• what kinds of activities have been planned
• how they will get there and back again.

Sometimes they will complain that parents do not trust them or that they are being unreasonable. This is not the case, it just means that the parents care and they should know.

There is a myth that if teenagers were given the freedom they wanted, they would prefer their friends to their parents. They would spend less time with parents and more time with friends, making their friends more important.
It is important that parents stay involved and connected. They should talk and listen to their children. Know their friends, their school or college experience, and what their world is like.
If teenagers were given the freedom they wanted, then parents would loose control of them and they would not even talk to them. Today’s teenagers are exposed to many more freedoms than when their parents were young. There is greater access to information via television and the Internet than ever before. Parents have a complex job being a filter to these influences.
I am not saying that teenagers should not be given freedom at all. They should be given freedom and it should be balanced. It is essential that teens have their own private space, away from the constant scrutiny and criticism of adults, where they can do what they want as long as it does not involve any of the consequences mentioned above and that they are monitored. It is not only good for teens, but also for adults. Allowing teens to have some control of their life lets them know they are important and valued. Obviously teenagers will make mistakes, like everyone else does. Experience is the best teacher. All of us learn from the consequences of our decisions. Without this learning, a teenager will not become a fully functioning independent adult.

• Conflicts over control of the teen’s life are at the root of most problems between parents and teens. Parents say, “He is not responsible or careful enough to be allowed to…” Teens say, “My parents continue to treat me like I am 10 years old.”

• Parents who begin quite early allowing children to make decisions appropriate to their age are less likely to have problems with teenagers who are demanding “Freedom now!” Children who help decide what to wear at age 5, whether or not to join Scouts at age 8 and when to do chores at age 11 are better able to make responsible decisions about behaviour at age 15 and less likely to constantly demand more decision-making rights.

Freedom helps teens learn to take care of themselves. But granting too much freedom is just as bad as giving too little.
For most parents, their children’s teenage years are a confusing mixture of childish behavior and startling maturity.
For teenagers, freedom is The Issue. They crave it, and they need it. But parents must decide when and how to give it.
Freedom helps teens feel more powerful and self-confident. But too much freedom can easily backfire, leaving a teen floundering. Although teens might be reluctant to admit it, they still need the stability that parental authority can offer.