When I got home from holiday, I mentioned technology addiction to one of my friends. She said she was increasingly worried about her husband's obsession with his handheld computer.
'When he comes home from work, he's lucky if he manages 15 minutes talking to the kids before he switches it on,' she said.
'And he's glued to it for the rest of the night. Even during dinner he'd sit gazing at, and interacting with, this thing. I did eventually have to ask him if he could try not using it until the children were in bed.
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Daniel Kaluuya and Jessica Brown in Fifteen Million Merits. Photograph: Giles Keytes
Every life includes significant landmarks: your first kiss, your first job, your first undetected murder. Maybe that's just me. Anyway, last week I experienced a more alarming first: my first unironic conversation with a machine.
I was using the new iPhone, the one with Siri, the built-in personal assistant you talk to. You hold down a button and mutter something like "Set the alarm for eight in the morning," or "Remind me to ring Gordon later," and Siri replies, "OK, I'll do that for you," using the voice of Jon Briggs, better known as the voice of The Weakest Link. And he sets everything up, just the way you wanted.
Siri is a creep – a servile arselick with zero self-respect – but he works annoyingly well. Which is why, last week, I experienced that watershed moment: for the first time, I spoke to a handheld device unironically. Not for a laugh, or an experiment, but because I wanted it to help me.
So that's that. I can now expect