Gay Marriage Research Paper
Sex is the most commonly and frequently discussed topic among teenagers today. Anything that includes the word "sex" appeals to most adolescents. However, the word "homosexuality" may not be as appealing to others. As we embrace the 21st century in this sex-driven world, the gay community is rapidly being recognized by society. Some states have even tried to legalize gay marriages. However, a few people who believe that homosexuality is wrong and they will do whatever is possible to justify that. Sadly, discrimination against homosexuals still exists to this very day. I remember growing up viewing homosexuality as a "negative" aspect but I do not recall where or how I came up with that assumption. The first time I realized that homosexuals
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were not being treated like civil people was in junior high, around the time of Matthew Shepherd's death and the cruel beating he suffered for being a gay man. From then on, I began feeling uncomfortable with my sexuality and was forced to stay in the "closet" for a long period of time.
Acknowledging the fact that there is no alliance between heterosexuals and homosexuals at a young age was the most emotionally painful experience that I have had to overcome. I assumed that since times have changed, that society would be able to accept other minorities and cultural groups without conflict, but I was clearly mistaken. Little did I know that hate crimes were still committed daily, and not only towards homosexuals, but also towards other people with different backgrounds and beliefs. I thought that since it was the dawn of a new millennium, people would not question nor judge other people's life-styles and let them have the "freedom" to live their lives how they want. We should be free to be who we want to be, especially where we live in a country built on "freedom." Thankfully, this is the 21st Century, so we now have laws such as affirmative action to prevent discrimination again race, gender, age, sexuality and et cetera in our community and around the work place.
At the age of fourteen, I began a quest to find my true "identity". The kids in the schoolyards used to make fun of me and call me gay or faggot because I acted like a queer. When I asked my friends why people yell derogatory terms at me, they responded by saying because I was too "nice and gentle." I was shocked by that remark and wondered how anyone can me too nice; so in response, I tried to be less nice but realized that it was part of who I am and that I can never change that. Then naturally, I became more sexually attracted to men over women. I freaked out and did not know what to think, I refused to believe it. I still remember those endless nights when I asked myself over and over again, that distorted question of whether or not I was gay. Though, the more I thought about it and the harder I tried to avoid it, the more I pondered upon the question. I did not know why but I was so fearful of the truth and of its outcome. I felt a loss of security because I was alone with no one to turn to. For a while, I was in a state of denial and absolute silence. I convinced myself that it was only a phase and nothing more, that it will only pass with time.
The first time I discovered my "true" sexuality was freshmen year in high school. I became bi-curious so I attended AOL chat rooms under the "gay and lesbian" category. As I search the Internet for more information on my newly acclaimed lifestyle, I came across pornographic websites featuring men-on-men action. The second I see those toned, tan, masculine bodies upon other good-looking, ripped male bodies, I suddenly became aroused and felt a sense of uncontrollability to look for more. Knowing that I was gay and could not do anything about it scared me, a thousand thoughts went through my head, I thought about my past, present, and future. The situation was so overwhelming that sometimes I would cry myself to sleep hoping to wake up "normal." However, the truth was unavoidable, no matter how hard I tried to fight it.
My greatest fear was that I would be rejected for being gay. The thought of growing up without any friends or anyone there to support me drove me absolutely mad. I was unsure of how the people I knew on a personal level would handle it, because the issue of being gay was not an everyday subject. Like any other teenager, I was self-conscious and feared what my friends and fellow classmates might have thought if I came out to them. Moreover, I feared of what they might do rather than what they might say. Physical retaliation was a concern to me for safety reasons, and I knew if I did not play my cards correctly, my life could have been at stake.
Growing up with the traditionally strict Asian parents who expect their son to be the best academically, financially, and socially was not easy to live with.
You can say my parents are the traditional conservative types who still practice ancient Chinese medicine, discipline their children by assault, and passing judgment on nonconformists. You can imagine how terrified I was to tell them that their only child was a queer. I believed that God was punishing me by sending me into a world where the people favor the role of straight white males. I heard from many people that homosexuality was immoral and wrong in the eyes of God and that I would be condemned to hell for my sins. However, I feel that being gay is not a matter of religion; it is a matter of self-identity. If people knew that they were born a certain way and they could not avoid it, then why would they want to hide it? After thinking long and hard about if I should come out to my parents or not, I decided not to because it was for the best. I had no knowledge of my parents' position on homosexuality, even though they seem quite accepting of it on the surface, I cannot be sure that they feel the same way on the inside. It killed me that I couldn't even tell my own parents who I was; and I thought how unjustified it was that I had to hide my true identity from the people who brought me here. Regardless, I felt that it was necessary for me to keep that secret from my parents because I knew that it would destroy
them.
Deciding whether or not I should "come out" to my friends was the most difficult decision I ever made. There were safety issues, social issues, and health issues I had to consider. I knew that coming out of the closet would either change my life for the better, or for the worst. First, I had to decide when I was going to come out and how I was going to do it. I heard many suggestions on how to "come out", but I tried the more "traditional" approach, that is, I told my closest and most trustworthy friend first. Luckily, she took it pretty well and suggested that I begin telling other people one by one. I felt so relieved, as if a huge boulder was lifted off my shoulders; the feeling was so surreal, I was just glad that I finally told somebody because I could not bear to suppress it any longer. And slowly I began telling more and more of my friends until eventually I was out to everyone. To my surprise, everybody took it well and no one was negative about it, so I was just all worked up over no reason.
The only time I was ever confronted for being gay was during the fall of 2003 in the dormitories at UCR. The problem arose one day when my Korean roommate discovered that I was gay. He nearly had a heart attack and it left him speechless. So as a result, he wanted to change rooms immediately, and things just became awkward after that. We have not exchanged words since. The fact of the matter was that it did not bother me at all that someone felt that way towards me, that being gay was so unbearable that he could not even stand to be in the same room as me. I did not react the way I thought I would, partly because I knew that he was a strong believer of Christianity and was not exposed to many homosexuals in his lifetime to be accustomed to it; he lived a very sheltered life.
I am no longer afraid of the truth; I am no longer in denial of who I am. I have learned to be true to myself as well as to other people. I now know to ignore the people who judge, because those people are not worthy of my time. I have been though a lot in this whole "coming out" experience. I figured out who I was, who my true friends were, and whom I can trust. But most importantly, I learned not to judge others and to treat people the way I would like to be treated.
were not being treated like civil people was in junior high, around the time of Matthew Shepherd's death and the cruel beating he suffered for being a gay man. From then on, I began feeling uncomfortable with my sexuality and was forced to stay in the "closet" for a long period of time.
Acknowledging the fact that there is no alliance between heterosexuals and homosexuals at a young age was the most emotionally painful experience that I have had to overcome. I assumed that since times have changed, that society would be able to accept other minorities and cultural groups without conflict, but I was clearly mistaken. Little did I know that hate crimes were still committed daily, and not only towards homosexuals, but also towards other people with different backgrounds and beliefs. I thought that since it was the dawn of a new millennium, people would not question nor judge other people's life-styles and let them have the "freedom" to live their lives how they want. We should be free to be who we want to be, especially where we live in a country built on "freedom." Thankfully, this is the 21st Century, so we now have laws such as affirmative action to prevent discrimination again race, gender, age, sexuality and et cetera in our community and around the work place.
At the age of fourteen, I began a quest to find my true "identity". The kids in the schoolyards used to make fun of me and call me gay or faggot because I acted like a queer. When I asked my friends why people yell derogatory terms at me, they responded by saying because I was too "nice and gentle." I was shocked by that remark and wondered how anyone can me too nice; so in response, I tried to be less nice but realized that it was part of who I am and that I can never change that. Then naturally, I became more sexually attracted to men over women. I freaked out and did not know what to think, I refused to believe it. I still remember those endless nights when I asked myself over and over again, that distorted question of whether or not I was gay. Though, the more I thought about it and the harder I tried to avoid it, the more I pondered upon the question. I did not know why but I was so fearful of the truth and of its outcome. I felt a loss of security because I was alone with no one to turn to. For a while, I was in a state of denial and absolute silence. I convinced myself that it was only a phase and nothing more, that it will only pass with time.
The first time I discovered my "true" sexuality was freshmen year in high school. I became bi-curious so I attended AOL chat rooms under the "gay and lesbian" category. As I search the Internet for more information on my newly acclaimed lifestyle, I came across pornographic websites featuring men-on-men action. The second I see those toned, tan, masculine bodies upon other good-looking, ripped male bodies, I suddenly became aroused and felt a sense of uncontrollability to look for more. Knowing that I was gay and could not do anything about it scared me, a thousand thoughts went through my head, I thought about my past, present, and future. The situation was so overwhelming that sometimes I would cry myself to sleep hoping to wake up "normal." However, the truth was unavoidable, no matter how hard I tried to fight it.
My greatest fear was that I would be rejected for being gay. The thought of growing up without any friends or anyone there to support me drove me absolutely mad. I was unsure of how the people I knew on a personal level would handle it, because the issue of being gay was not an everyday subject. Like any other teenager, I was self-conscious and feared what my friends and fellow classmates might have thought if I came out to them. Moreover, I feared of what they might do rather than what they might say. Physical retaliation was a concern to me for safety reasons, and I knew if I did not play my cards correctly, my life could have been at stake.
Growing up with the traditionally strict Asian parents who expect their son to be the best academically, financially, and socially was not easy to live with.
You can say my parents are the traditional conservative types who still practice ancient Chinese medicine, discipline their children by assault, and passing judgment on nonconformists. You can imagine how terrified I was to tell them that their only child was a queer. I believed that God was punishing me by sending me into a world where the people favor the role of straight white males. I heard from many people that homosexuality was immoral and wrong in the eyes of God and that I would be condemned to hell for my sins. However, I feel that being gay is not a matter of religion; it is a matter of self-identity. If people knew that they were born a certain way and they could not avoid it, then why would they want to hide it? After thinking long and hard about if I should come out to my parents or not, I decided not to because it was for the best. I had no knowledge of my parents' position on homosexuality, even though they seem quite accepting of it on the surface, I cannot be sure that they feel the same way on the inside. It killed me that I couldn't even tell my own parents who I was; and I thought how unjustified it was that I had to hide my true identity from the people who brought me here. Regardless, I felt that it was necessary for me to keep that secret from my parents because I knew that it would destroy
them.
Deciding whether or not I should "come out" to my friends was the most difficult decision I ever made. There were safety issues, social issues, and health issues I had to consider. I knew that coming out of the closet would either change my life for the better, or for the worst. First, I had to decide when I was going to come out and how I was going to do it. I heard many suggestions on how to "come out", but I tried the more "traditional" approach, that is, I told my closest and most trustworthy friend first. Luckily, she took it pretty well and suggested that I begin telling other people one by one. I felt so relieved, as if a huge boulder was lifted off my shoulders; the feeling was so surreal, I was just glad that I finally told somebody because I could not bear to suppress it any longer. And slowly I began telling more and more of my friends until eventually I was out to everyone. To my surprise, everybody took it well and no one was negative about it, so I was just all worked up over no reason.
The only time I was ever confronted for being gay was during the fall of 2003 in the dormitories at UCR. The problem arose one day when my Korean roommate discovered that I was gay. He nearly had a heart attack and it left him speechless. So as a result, he wanted to change rooms immediately, and things just became awkward after that. We have not exchanged words since. The fact of the matter was that it did not bother me at all that someone felt that way towards me, that being gay was so unbearable that he could not even stand to be in the same room as me. I did not react the way I thought I would, partly because I knew that he was a strong believer of Christianity and was not exposed to many homosexuals in his lifetime to be accustomed to it; he lived a very sheltered life.
I am no longer afraid of the truth; I am no longer in denial of who I am. I have learned to be true to myself as well as to other people. I now know to ignore the people who judge, because those people are not worthy of my time. I have been though a lot in this whole "coming out" experience. I figured out who I was, who my true friends were, and whom I can trust. But most importantly, I learned not to judge others and to treat people the way I would like to be treated.