Gender and Emotions: Different Gender Shows Different Emotional Behavior

Ferlyn Eleferia Tam
1 March 2011
Gender and Emotions: Different Gender Shows
Different Emotional Behavior Based from my observations, men are more action-based while women are more verbal-based when it comes to expressing their emotions. Women tend to misunderstand men because men tend to keep most of their emotions to themselves. They usually express their emotions through actions. Women sometimes, if not regularly, ask the questions–‘how are you doing,’ ‘what are you thinking,’ or ‘why are you doing this/that’–when the one they’re talking to suddenly became quiet or, simply, just to start a conversation. Some men find it sweet in some way if a woman ask them these questions but commonly men find it a nuisance especially, when it’s been asked repeatedly. Women, even the quiet ones, are talkative when the topic of the conversation is about expressing emotions or, simply, share experiences. They always search for someone that would listen to them whether the person they found is a man or a woman. If a man were to listen, they would usually hold back their emotions while a woman is pouring out hers. In expressing emotions, men act while women talk their feelings. Firstly, what is gender? According to the Webster’s Dictionary of the English Language: International Edition, gender, as a noun, is the “classification of words…according to the sex of the referent” (Webster’s, 1994). Gender classifies a person or an animal as male or female. In human, it classifies the person as a man or woman, boy or girl, or, male or female. Mainly, gender is what differentiates men from women. Secondly, what is emotion? According to Kendra Cherry, a writer specialized in psychology, child development and education and author of the article “Theories of Emotion: Major Theories in Emotion” in Emotion, stated that, “emotions exert and incredibly powerful force on human behavior” (Cherry, 2005). This statement is true. What a person feels can affect the quality of the work done in the workplace or in the school. Emotions can also have its effect during a family time especially, when negative emotions arise. When such emotions occur, people start making mistakes, being absent-minded, ignoring a person’s call, and many more. According to the authors of the book, General Psychology: Fourth Edition, emotion is a “response” of the individual which “involves changes” internally and externally. It is described as a “complex process involving minute physiological, neural, and glandular changes” in the whole body (2004, p. 180). These state that emotions cause a process to occur which involves socializing with others to get a feedback from them. Once a feedback had been received, the body will be stimulated to show the emotion of the person on the topic or on the situation. To simplify what is emotion, emotion serves as a glimpse into a person’s behavior through the changes occurred or is occurring in the body. Lastly, what is emotional behavior? Based on the book, General Psychology: Fourth Edition, “…communicating an emotion like the use of the hands and body movements, and gestures; but people seem to pay greater attention to facial expression” (2004, p. 183). This statement states that any movement that the body does show the person’s emotion at that moment whether knows of it or not. The human body speaks of what emotion is being kept inside such as anger, fear, jealous, joy, lonely, love, sadness, and surprise. These emotions are characterized with recognizable gestures of the human body such as–in joy, smiling is a sign that a person is joyful; in sadness, teardrops will fall, and many more. To put it in short terms, emotional behavior is described as expressing the emotion through the use of the body or parts of it. In this research paper, comparison and contrast will be conducted between men and women on how they show some of the emotions mentioned before. It will enlighten the reader’s knowledge on how the opposite gender may react on specific situations. It will also give the reader a small glimpse into the emotional aspect of the opposite gender. This research paper can serve as a guide in dealing emotions not only that of the reader’s but also that of others.
I. Anger Anger, according to Webster’s Dictionary of the English Language: International Edition, is an emotion that shows “rage or passionate displeasure” (Webster’s, 1994). This means that anger is an intense emotion which might result to injuries. Even though it is an intense emotion, it can be prevented. Men and women show anger in an almost similar way. They only differ in the time it takes for them to go destructive at each other. Whether the person is a man or a woman, anger can still be a dangerous emotion. From the Christian Community Bible: Fourth Edition, the verse, James 1:20, states “for human anger does not fulfill the justice of God” (Bible, 1990). This verse tells that if a person is nurturing anger, eventually, this will cause that person to commit a sin or, as people would call it, a crime. Once, my high school teacher, Teacher Beverly Sumpio, had said, “Satan’s minions take pleasure on people with negative feelings by manipulating and causing them to stray away from the path that God has chosen for them” (Sumpio, 2008). This quotation states that Satan’s minions don’t waste time when a person is absorbing a negative emotion because it’s like food and entertainment for them. When a person is angry, there is a great possibility that the emotion can’t be compressed inside. If this were to happen, expressing anger shows shouting at others, destruction of things, and even, hurting their selves or others. In short, anger is a negative emotion that may cause destructions. Through my observation, men tend to release their anger by acting them out like the scenes from the movies such as punching a wall, kicking garbage cans, and even to the extent of almost destroying his room. But, these are just on non-human things. Things may get ugly when people are used as punching bags for an angry man and even worst if women are victimized by this anger. But, here’s one thing, most men would feel much better after releasing their rage on something. If men were to feel slightly angry, then they can compress it to themselves and hide it until surpasses. Therefore, men express their intense anger by acting it out so that they wouldn’t harm themselves even more than that of expressing them. When it comes to women and their anger, women are more into talking or rather shouting them out. Based on my own experience, when women are angry with each other, they talk it out with each other. If the person who is angered upon is not present, talking about the anger that one has with other people is almost like backstabbing. After telling a few persons and giving time to calm their selves, eventually, the anger will subside. In a fiery conversation, women both cry and shout at each other. The worst case scenario in a conversation is that when women start to tag at each others’ hair and rolling over each other because of the anger they felt. When things get out of control, women would become destructive in a way like throwing anything they could reach anywhere, shouting from the top of their lungs, and possibly, causing to carry a grudge at the person angered upon. As much as possible, women avoid conflicts because it takes a very long time to forget about the anger completely. According to Dr. Israel Helfand, a Vermont marriage and family therapist and author of the article “What Lies Behind the Anger of Men?”, stated that when men were boys, they were taught that showing anger is “unacceptable” especially when a woman is present (Helfand, 1992). If a man and a woman are angry at each other, at first, the fight will start by talking. Then, it will quickly develop into a fiery conversation where both of them started to shout at each other. When the man feels like he is losing the fight, he has two choices to choose upon–to walk out or to raise his hand. If he chooses to walk out then he is not only saving his dignity as a man but also saving the woman. Why is he able to save the woman? It’s because scars and bruises wouldn’t appear and her dignity as a woman will also be saved. In a fight between a man and a woman, the man usually acts as the off-switch of the fight because it takes more fuel to make a woman engaged into a destructive kind of anger than that of a man.
II. Fear Based from the Webster’s Dictionary of the English Language: International Edition, fear is the “instinctive emotion” when a person is faced by “danger, pain or evil” (Webster’s, 1994). This statement means that fear can be seen when a specific situation happens. An example is when a boy is chased by a barking dog. Instincts would tell him to run or be bitten. In the end, the boy would run as fast as he can to avoid being bitten because he knows that it’ll hurt when he gets bitten. Fear strikes when the human mind knows that something bad will happen. As a result, it will instruct the body to avoid that something. In short, fear is the emotion that one feels when one is threaten. When men are faced with something that they fear, they try to hide it as much as possible. They don’t want anybody to see them frightened because they’re afraid of what people would say especially, when women are around. People would say that the man is weak when he gets scared of things. That’s why they chose to hide it or face their fear even for a moment. Men fear many things. Commonly, when men are afraid, they look pale, shiver in place, stop moving and sometimes, deny fear but the tone of their voices give the hint of fear in them. They are not exempted of having this emotion because of their masculinity or toughness. Aside from God, there are varieties of fear. There are men who are afraid of going into a relationship because they fear rejection and responsibility. In the presence of a woman, they certainly don’t allow themselves to show fear because the woman might be disappointed if a man is displaying this. Men are careful when to show their fear in something. But, phobias are understandable because even men can’t hide fear when this type of fear is faced. Therefore, even men are sometimes afraid. According to “ABC's of the Human Mind” from Reader's Digest, in a woman’s case, fear can serve as “a protective device” (Digest’s, 2006). Why? It is because women don’t like to be hurt so they avoid things that might hurt them. This may show that women are always thinking about themselves but the truth is that women are just taking precautionary measures. When faced by their fear, women would froze in place, would cry their eyes out, would look pale as a ghost, would hardly breath, would run or get away as they could, or, the most common reaction, would scream on the top of their lungs then panic might take place. Women are very careful in choosing situations. They think of the consequences and the out come of the situation. If the outcome is to be hurt full on her side then she would avoid that situation. There are women who also try to hide their fear by acting tough. But, the truth is that deep inside their scared to the bones. An example of this situation is when a mother and a daughter got kidnapped. Now, this situation is commonly seen in several movies. The mother would try not to cry in fear in front of her daughter while the daughter is crying pools of tears. In truth, the mother is as scared as the daughter. But, she can’t show it because she knows that crying would increase the fear that is felt by her daughter. Therefore, the mother would compress her fear and tell her daughter that everything is going to be all right even though it’s not. To simplify everything, women uses fear to protect themselves and others. Fear is an emotion that might be triggered suddenly. Like it was stated earlier, fear is instinctive. When in fear, the human mind may take control of the human body. It can cause the body to move whether you want to or not. In handling fear, men are better in hiding it while women react at the very moment by either screaming or panicking. Men are more composed while women may breakdown. In an unexpected situation, such as being held at gunpoint by a burglar, men are more likely to fight back because it’s how they react. Women, on the other hand, would gladly give the things that the burglar is asking for to avoid being hurt. Men are quiet about their fearful experiences while women tell theirs to others who are interested in hearing. Therefore, fear is an emotion that everyone feels when something bad is going to happen. Men quiet down while women chatter more.
III. Jealousy Jealousy, as the Webster’s Dictionary of the English Language: International Edition defines, is a “state of fear, suspicion or envy caused by a real or imagined threat or challenge to one’s possessive instincts” (Webster’s, 1994). This definition shows that jealousy is a mix of several emotions. A person may feel jealous if something important is being taken away little by little. Jealousy shows up when it involves two persons generally in lovers. Men and women usually try to hide this emotion especially when there’s a relationship involve between the two since jealousy shows that they have little trust at each other and it may cause the destruction of the relationship. In other words, jealousy is born when the person’s possessiveness over something is at stake. In my observations, jealousy takes a toll in men’s emotional state. The most obvious cause of jealousy for men is the redirecting of attention of the woman he loves. If jealousy is mild then they try to hide it. But, some men cope by acting them out. Like swaying back and forth, walking away from the scene, or turning away. Another coping mechanism of men is the devotion of his time, effort and attention on something else just to take his mind off the things that makes him jealous. If the woman he loves is mingling with other men, regardless if these men are friends of his or not, and he suddenly changes his attitude and tone of talking, then chances are that he is jealous. To avoid a man’s jealousy, the woman he loves should mingle less with other men aside from him. If jealousy has already grown then stopping its development is to say simple ‘sorry.’ If the woman knows that the man is jealous because of her actions then she would mingle with him more. By noticing what he does, poking his tickle areas, making him smile and even to the extent of being annoying might be enough to make him forget the jealousy. By doing these things, it can give attention and a sense of importance which he longs for. These factors are not fixed because it depends on the situation and the personality of the person involved. In short, jealousy is obvious in men but that’s from what I observed. Based from my observations and experiences, women can be jealous because of many things especially, when their husband or partner is involved. When men ask permission from their wife or partner to go out with some friends, women would usually say these statements: ‘sure, go ahead,’ ‘okay, I understand,’ or, ‘it’s your choice.’ They’re all positive statements but hidden behind those words is the irritating feeling of jealousy. Having your husband or partner spending time with someone or something else is very irritating to the nerves. But, no matter how much women hide their feeling of jealousy, it still can be seen in their eyes. They know this, therefore, they try to avoid eye-contact and make themselves busy with other things. A woman’s jealousy can go away as quickly as it came by simply noticing what she has been doing, or, for a more effective result, by spending quality time with her. Making meals for her, cuddling her, or whispering sweet words in her ears would be the right mix of things to do to make her forget about her jealousy and, possibly, make her fall in love again. Women like these things because it makes them feel important. Then, every problem during the day would just go away within seconds. But, take note, don’t let the jealousy stay too long because develops through time. Therefore, the longer jealousy stays, the harder it goes away. That’s according to my observation but, like I stated earlier, it still depends on the personality of the person. According to Dr. Gail Saltz, a psychiatrist, she stated in her article “Jealousy: Is It the Same for Men and Women?” that “jealousy is an emotion all of us experience at some point in our lives” (Saltz, 2006). It’s true that all men and women experience jealousy whether it’s obvious to the eyes or not. Women would try to hide their jealousy by focusing on something else or by agreeing to what their husband or partner is trying to ask permission for. Men, on the other hand, are almost the same as women when they get jealous but their jealousy is somewhat obvious in some way. Therefore, men and women express jealousy in almost the same manner.
IV. Love As the Webster’s Dictionary would show, love is “a powerful emotion” that one feels for another and develops with “deep affection, devotion or sexual desires” (Webster’s, 1994). This statement has been portrayed in many movies. Many drama or romantic movies portrayed love as the most powerful thing in the world and this is true. Love can either be a bad thing or a good thing in a person’s life. Having someone who inspires, motivates and cherishes you can cause you to improve your performance in work or in school. That’s the good thing about love. The bad thing is when you fall out of love. When you devoted most of your time and effort into your relationship then suddenly your relationship would fall apart, you might give up on things like school, work, family, and even to the point of giving up on living. Based from my high school teacher, Sir Oliver Samson, he stated “…don’t give a hundred percent in loving someone. Leave some for yourself…” (Samson, 2010). This statement means that you should also love yourself even not in the same percentage as you give to your partner. Because, loving yourself serves as a back up plan when your relationship would breakdown. In short, love is powerful that has good and bad effects. As stated before, men are action-based. They won’t say that they’re in love with a woman until they’re sure of it. But, before they confess their love, some simple signs would arise. Like getting jealous when the woman he loves is spending time with other men, trying to corner the woman to spend some quality time with her, joking around when in fact telling the truth, asking questions to the woman even though is not needed, giving his time when needed by the woman he loves even though he is very busy, doing just about anything to get noticed by that woman even to the extent of looking like a fool in front of everyone else, and sometimes, shying away when that woman comes close. Women find it difficult to tell whether he is serious of what he is saying especially, when he is a comedian type. A line from an anime series, Solty Rie, stated, “All jokes are composed of half true and half false.” This line is somewhat true because even a comedian puts some truth into his jokes. According to a friend, Jane Marie Tamayo, she quoted, “…even the smartest man can become a fool when it comes to love…” (Tamayo, 2006). What she stated was true because, like it was stated before, love is powerful. It can change a person completely. Love can turn a bad man into a good one. The change can be noticeable. An example of this change is when the man is smoking then he suddenly stops doing it because his wife or partner told him it’s bad for the both of them. There are men who do what their wife or partner told them to do. This is where what Sir Oliver Samson, my high school teacher, had said comes. “Treat your wife like a queen and she will treat you like a king” (Samson, 2009). This statement also shows that a man shows his love by giving his service to the woman he loves. By doing this, it also displays his devotion to her and to their relationship. Therefore, when men express their love, they show it and later on, they say it. In the topic of love, women, on the other hand, say that their in love with someone. They would usually tell it to their female friends first. Men, relationships and the love life of others are the most common topic that a circle of female friends would chatter about. This doesn’t mean that women are noisy about other people’s life. It only shows that women especially, those who are single, are searching for Mr. Right. But, this search isn’t a walk through a park. It’s like searching for something that you know it’s one in a billion. Even though that this search is that difficult, all women hoped for a fairytale love story as their love life. There are some women who think of love as nothing. But, the truth is that they too hoped for this kind of love story once in their life. They just haven’t found their story yet or they got hurt in the process of finding it. When a woman is in love, she would devote her time and effort to the man she loves and doesn’t expect to receive anything in return and sometimes, shows concern like a mother. Always wanting to know what he might be doing and if he is thinking of her. Some would shy away. Others would deny it but it’s plain to see that she’s in love with him. Sometimes, women act differently if that special guy in around. A good example of this statement is when a woman with a strong appetite would suddenly become unable to eat or become a slow eater when the guy she likes is in front of her or staring at her. Nowadays, the statement ‘I love you’ can be said to almost everyone. But, for women, there comes a time when saying ‘I love you’ to someone will become difficult to say or it can be said but only once to a specific person. To sum it, women say it and may act it but there are some women who would say that there in love although they can’t show it because they may not know how. So when a woman says ‘I love you’ to a man that she loves and really meant it, it can be seen in her eyes that she meant what she said. Love is a complex emotion. People can become fools because of it. When a man and a woman are in love with each other, they experience joy in having to see each other smile. But, why do many love couples experience break ups? One reason is the happiness of one of the said couple. This statement is applicable when one of the said couple is showing more sad expressions than that of happy ones. To further explain this statement, here is an example. A couple is spending some quality time together but one of them is not enjoying as much as the other. Let’s say the man is the one who is not enjoying much. The woman with him would think that ‘I’m boring to be with,’ ‘he’s not enjoying,’ ‘I guess he doesn’t like me anymore,’ or ‘he deserve someone better.’ These ideas not only pop up in the minds of women but in men as well. Most break ups are hurtful because the way of explaining is not clear even though the intentions are good. There are people who are satisfied in just loving someone from afar. They’re the ones that would sacrifice their own happiness just to see that special someone happy. In short, men are into showing the love they have while women are more telling their love.
Conclusion
In the emotions that had been discussed, men are more on showing than women. Women, on the other hand, are more open which means that they are more into talking. The time span that the emotion becomes noticeable is also different like in the first chapter, anger. Women are noticed immediately when angry but they are all talk. Men shout as well when in anger but they go destructive much quicker then women. In the second chapter entitled as fear, men are more skillful in hiding their fears or their experiences of it than women. Women would show fear and after experiencing it, they would talk about it. The third chapter which is jealousy is a very interest topic to tackle. The most common reaction of a jealous man is the sudden change in attitude. In women, it’s denial. The fourth and last chapter discussed was titled as love. Men don’t say but show that’s why women are sometimes get confused of what they might be doing and for what reasons. Women, on the other hand, normally say it and sometimes they put it as a joke but it’s really true. Like I stated in the beginning of this research paper, men are action-based and women are verbal-based.