Gender Norms In Boys And Girls, By Alice Munro

Furthermore, in “Boys and Girls,” the main character conforms to gender norms because she loses faith in her dream and defers her dream, preventing her full potential from emerging. She dreams of someone she could be one day, someone who has a better life than hers when she narrates, “Now for the time that remained to me… never did” (Munro 113). She dreams of being someone adventurous, courageous, strong, heroic, and brave, but is told instead her future is to become like her mother, who simply cooks and cleans. At first, she wants to break free from this, and prove herself to be worthy to her family by working hard. However, the people around her never see past her gender, as she is female. Her family and outsiders criticize her and force
unto her what the behavior of a girl should be because they don’t see validity in straying from gender norms. She feels pressured by these comments, evident when she says, "the word girl… disappointment” (Munro 119). It demonstrates that she feels hopeless because she feels that she will have no choice in what she would become. The way that the main character is responding to her reprimandment represents how she, at first, doesn’t want to be obedient. Her dream is eventually deferred because she gives in to these rules and scoldings and they stop her from achieving her full potential. The rules convince her that her potential is only so much as a “girl”, synonymous as weak and subservient in this short story. Furthermore, the family acquires two horses: Mack and Flora. Mack is a calm male horse, and in contrast, Flora is a rambunctious female horse that comes to represent her rebellion and hope. Eventually, her father, a fox farmer, decides that it was time to shoot them in order to feed his foxes. Soon, after Mack, it was time for Flora’s demise as well. While the men were preparing to shoot her, she escapes and starts to run toward the fence, conveniently close to the main character. In her eyes, Flora represents the notion that although it was virtually hopeless, she could still try to help her. She sprints toward the fence, but does nothing to stop Flora despite the pleas of her brother and father and the knowledge that it wouldn’t change the situation in the end, “Flora would not really get away… only thing I could do" (Munro 125). When her father and her brother Laird came back with Flora’s body, it crushes all possibility of her dream in the main character’s eyes-- she begins to doubt herself. In the end, Munro implements this girl to convey to people that a person won’t achieve their potential until they try to achieve their dream. When the main character starts to doubt herself, she illustrates what happens if a dream is deferred, and that it would be more worse to give up the dream rather than holding unto it. In illustration, the main character resigns when she says, “‘Never mind’… Maybe it was true” (Munro 127). She represents the death of hope, the dying process of a dream. In reality, she isn’t satisfied, but settles for less because she starts to believe what others around her believe. Her surroundings cause her dream to be deferred, to disillusion her that she needs to conform to gender norms, and reduces her potential. With this, Munro shows that the main character represents more than just one girl. It is seen why she has no name: she exists as thousands of girls over the world, dreaming of a day that they can become someone who they want to be, and not defined by others. She not only demonstrates the need to fight for a dream, but also to never let anyone convince them of otherwise and to under-develop their potential. In short, she represents that dreams should not be defined by others and left to be dreams, rather a reality that should be pursued.

Similarly, society shows dreams to be motivating goals, however deferred dreams result in people falsely believing that they are insignificant, and the loss of hope which stunts the potential of people instead.
Ironically, society says that “the sky's the limit,” but there are many obstacles that often prevent dreams from being achieved. For example, everyone has heard of Malala Yousafzai: the teenage girl that went to school, even if it meant risking her life and ignoring the death threats of the Taliban. Although she was shot in the head, she was rescued, and now resides in England where she is now an activist for education and the youngest Nobel Peace Prize laureate. However, there are thousands of cases where the dream of education is deferred. For example, a boy who lives on the Ivory Coast in Africa named Yacou wants to go to school, but cannot go because he is a child slave in the cocoa fields. His work consists of him cutting down cocoa pods with a machete, acquiring painful wounds in the process, and all he receives in return are meager scraps of food and tattered clothing. His dream of an education is deferred because he cannot achieve his dream as he doesn’t know how to leave this cruel circumstance: “‘I wish I could go to school. I want to read and write,’ he said. But Yacou hasn’t spent a single day in school, and he has no idea how to leave the farm” (CNN). In addition, he has no outside help, and was brought to this farm to work by his own mother, “my mother
brought me when my father died” (MIC). Jacob's dream represents the dreams of millions of children, both in the child labor industry and the children of Sub-Saharan Africa. 31 million children in Sub-Saharan Africa do not go to school because they have to work and survive (MIC). As a result, these children start to believe that they can never change their situation, and lose hope of ever achieving their deferred dream; likewise, they believe that they can never become important in this world, preventing them from acting on their dreams in the future. In addition, if a student who dreams to go to Harvard applies and is rejected from it, his dream is deferred while he goes to Oakton instead. His dream is prevented from becoming a reality, so it is put off for later as one can transfer. However, when this person sees that his other friends are more successful by going to other Ivy League schools, his self worth and hope for his dream plummets. He starts to become disillusioned that he is worthless, preventing the growth of his ambition, and who he is as a person as well. As a result, he ultimately gives up on acting on his dream because he feels he cannot achieve it. In summary, even though it is portrayed that dreams are all possible and motivating, deferred dreams lower one’s self worth and ambition in their lives and for their dreams.

Moreover, in my personal life, deferred dreams have created resentment and the feeling of failure that have ultimately hindered my decisions to move on with my life. In particular, this resentment can be attributed to the fact that everyone wants a talent that differentiates them.

For example, I had dreamed of taking orchestra in college, but this dream was deferred when my father had a heart attack and I had no option but to quit lessons, a later deciding factor in quitting orchestra.
One day during winter break, my father had gone to his ritual tennis lesson. After midnight went by, my siblings and I thought nothing of it, as he often stays afterwards to drink with his friends. A few hours later, my mother arrived and there were no signs of my father coming home. Suddenly, a piercing ringing came from our kitchen phone where we received the news that my father was in critical condition after suffering a heart attack. Eventually, the storm calmed, and it was time to decide what to do next. At one point, my parents came to the conclusion that I would have to quit viola lessons because of the fact that no one could drive me after school. At first, I didn’t realize the significance of this, as my playing skill was average for a couple of weeks after the incident. Over time, my viola playing ability deteriorated to the point where I would be lost during classes, and even performances. Although it took time, I mustered enough courage to take orchestra off of my schedule: I deferred my dream of playing in college. At the beginning of sophomore year, people would ask why I had quit, remarking that it would “look bad for college.” Comment after comment, my feeling of self-worth deteriorated, and the sense of failure grew increasingly hard to ignore. I had
long given up on playing in college, but this hanging cloud of failure constantly had me wondering if I had made the right decisions. In the end, I would focus on this failed dream instead of moving on with my life. Similarly, I dreamt of becoming a kumdo master when in the 3rd grade, but my dream was deferred when the dojang (the martial arts location) got shut down from financial reasons. Like with the viola, kumdo had been a lifetime hobby for me: I spent hundreds of hours practicing inside the dusty dojang. I always dreamed that I would become equal to or even better than my father, a master (similar to a head). He would always encourage my brother during practice, infuriating and propelling this dream. I hadn’t gone for a couple of weeks when my father suddenly told me that the dojang would be closing down because the other master had said the profit was too low. Naturally, I was furious: I would never be able to become a master. Deep inside, I knew my father wouldn’t take me to the other location where the older men would gather: no kids were allowed. In retrospect, I blame myself for letting this goal go unfulfilled to this day. I still degrade myself because I will always want to become a master, but regret that I never made enough of an effort. For example, I would make excuses that I had forgotten the material or that I had no time. I blame myself for not making that time, and for believing that I couldn’t do it anymore. My deferred dream bothers me to this day, and prevents me from moving forward with my life because I always stop to wonder, “What if I had become a master?” In illustration, instead of using that time to wallow in regret, I could have used it to learn a new instrument. In the end, deferred dreams have burdened with me the sense of failure and regret, preventing me from letting go of the past and growing.

Consequently, although dreams are seen to propel people, they ironically also create mirages that cause people to think in a flawed manner and be destructive to their potential. This is seen when deferred dreams disjoint people from reality because the dreams are seen in an unrealistic light, overlooking information. Also, outside limits to what a dream should be influences the entrapment dreams and result in dreams being suppressed. In addition, dreams that are deferred cause people to lose hope in themselves and in achieving their dream. Finally, it deferred dreams hold people back from accomplishing new goals or improving their lives. Furthermore, it is important to realize that achieving dreams are not meant to fix a person’s life, rather to improve it. Also, it is up to people to fix their lives, and to continue with their dreams. People are the vehicles in which they better their life despite obstacles that may defer them from being achieved. Deferred dreams test people whether they decide to let obstacles define their dreams, or if they are strong enough to overcome them. In the end, it is not Dumbledore’s wand that make dreams come true, rather the people who dismiss them and act to make their dreams come true-- these resilient few are the ones that become great.