goals and fears of the military

There are many things that I fear about joining the military and that might happen to me and affect my life in many horrible ways and forms. I know all of the things that could happen to me and I am afraid that they will. However I know that I will never die, as nothing will be able to stop me from seeing those who I love and wish to be with. Even with these thoughts in mind, I will never stop attempting to join the military and serve those who I wish to keep safe.

The first thing that I will be afraid of is that of death. But not my death. Not even literal death necessarily, but death of the mind and of the heart and the soul. I fear that my hand will be forced to kill and that because of it I will lose all sense of security and humanity. I know now that I will not, but I can not help but to see the possibility. I will dehumanize the men and women who will serve to fight against me, even though that now, I know that they are doing what they believe to be right and just, and who is to decide whether it is. Now I know that they are not my enemies, but my opponents. They will defend themselves and die for what they choose, but I will die to protect those who need the protecting and that which I imagine and analyze is good and fair.

The second thing that I fear is that I will be gone from those in a physical being for long times in which anything could happen to them. I know that I will marry and I know that I will have children who I will love more than life itself. I want to be able to know my children, and I want to be there as they are born, and I want to be able to hold them and talk to them as they grow and learn. The worst thing that could happen is that they will grow up and not know me when I walk in the door and reach down to pick them up and hug them, but them to turn away to go and hide behind their mother from the stranger who is scary and could be a potential threat to them. I want to be able to grow up with me taking