Homosexuality

HOMOSEXUALITY- PERSONAL VIEW
I come from a country where homosexuality is such a taboo subject that it is not even covered much on the media. A news channel that discusses the issue is actually considered quite ‘brave’. Previously, I haven’t really gotten the chance to think about homosexuality and my viewpoint on it. I have always studied in a co-ed school, have had crushes on fellow guy classmates and have always had friends who were just like me. The thought of getting attracted to a girl or knowing any other female friend who did, was just disgusting, gross and unacceptable to me. My closest friends have been homophobic, so much that even when other girls would get physically close with each other as a joke, it would make them cringe and as a result I always kept a distance from them as well. I had my personal space, and any girl exploiting it would ‘freak’ me out.
The subject of homosexuality was never even discussed at home with family. “Omg, you’re so gay” was the only phrase friends would use to mock a girly behavior of a guy friend, eventually forcing the male friend to stop behaving a particular way. The action would never be repeated again to avoid any further humiliation. The phrase itself was enough of an insult.
Coming to Malaysia, I saw a lot of homosexuals around me. It disgusted me in the beginning but then a revelation came upon me. Normal, nice, fun and good friends of mine declared their mixed sexuality. Two of my closest female friends revealed that they were into each other and wanted to be together and had always been homosexual. It surprisingly did not freak me out because it made me realize that hey, no matter what their sex is and who they are attracted to (which is part of their personal life and I have no right to judge) they are normal individuals. They still think like me, talk like me and they’re as human as an individual can be.
After conducting this research and being around homosexuals, I feel like I have lost my viewpoint and I do not know where I stand anymore. All I can understand is that my religion defies homosexuality and even though I’m not a righteous Muslim, I cannot practice homosexuality myself or encourage it because religiously it will be wrong. However, what confuses me is how something as beautiful as religion, and the creator who created all his people with the same amount of love, could hate a group of people that much. And if homosexuality is biological, why did God create them that way? What is a woman who feels like she is trapped in a man’s body and a man who feels there’s a girl inside him screaming to come out, supposed to do, if homosexuality is such a sin?
All those who criticize homosexuals and define them abnormal, who are they to? What exactly is the definition of normal? Who defines that this person is normal and that person is not normal. No study has ever proven that gays cannot function as normal individuals or that their thought processes aren’t normal and hence that is the reason that homosexuality was removed, after it last appeared in DSM 3(diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders). I think the definition of normal differs with every society. It differs according to ones culture and has nothing to do with one type of individual who is just unique or stands out from the rest- that does not define him or her as abnormal.
I feel that we as nations are big hypocrites. We talk about respecting religion but we do not respect individuals. We talk about respecting God, but we don’t respect his creations. We talk about democracy and fight for it but we do not really believe in freedom. We talk about freedom but we aren’t free from our own biases, judgments and opinions that we fail to keep to ourselves. We talk about protecting society and making the world a better place for everyone so that the crime rate decreases and suicide rates go down when we actually encourage it by scapegoating few groups in society for world problems, by encouraging our younger generations to ‘hate’ specific people and increase bullying.
I believe that homosexuality is biological, psychological and environmental but a person who is attracted to the opposite sex once or twice, cannot go back to the ‘natural intended’ lifestyle. It is still a disturbing phenomenon for me and it is pretty scary knowing that there are so many homosexuals around me, so many I’m not aware of, but it does not make me dislike them or disrespect them. I actually feel very sad that the world has to be that way. Imagine not being able to be you, not liking yourself for who you are and not being allowed to be who you want to be with. It would be torture.