Horney Case 9
Case Study 9
Shih Ching Tu
1140483
For this essay I am gonna analyze case number 9 by Karen Horney. Samara is a 35 year old female, always in relationships but was never able to lead to a marriage, she sees herself as a devoting figure in the relationship, the perfect woman every man should have want, and has a hard time understanding why man always end up breaking up with her, because it is not the fact she cannot find a boyfriend, she just has a problem keeping them.
Samara demonstrates a behavior of a attention seeker, she is in a constant need of approval from her partner / lover, they need them equally demonstrates the equal amount of affection as her or more, she specifically quote, “if you have love you have everything.” She wants someone to love her so she can feel a sense of belonging …show more content…
and security, which she’s not able to get for being alone. The case date that Samara is pretty much always in some form of relationship, and is persistent about eventually getting into marriage, once failed her mission she quickly move one to the next relationship, because it seems that it isn't the matter of who he is dating but the matter of not being “alone”. It is also pretty clear that she tend to leans toward having an authoritarian figure in the relationship, to make decisions for her, her love is a pure form of compliance and gain affection from the others, she sees herself of being the “unselfish” in this relationship, she clings with her boyfriend in life and does “whatever he wants”. She is in this idealise of what love really is and to her is spending every single minute together, living two person as one, she doesn't understand why her other half would want to spend time apart from her and takes offense from it. This shows a neurotic behavior of always in need for love causes her being overly dependant, and leads to a obsessive, compulsive need of possession of another person.
Samara’s behavior originates from her childhood experience. She is from a traditional middle eastern family, she holds a strong belief in her culture and traditions, which marriage plays a big part of a woman's life. Female in a relationship would be portrayed as this humble, stay at home motherly figure, fulfilling the duties of a compliant wife. She was exposed to the idea that being a mother and a wife would be her priority in life, she doesn’t know much options beyond that because of her family and culture, it is hard for to switch into the perspective of the others even she was no longer a child. This also results her hidden strong desire to gain power in a relationship, in a sense of extreme jealousy, and wanting for attention all the time.
Quoting Horney’s words, Samara was exposed to basic evils as a child, thus leading her to always have these insecurities in her bones, always identify herself to be the submissive figure in this relationship, she protect herself this way so she could move toward others, so she could fulfill her “duties” and win love.When facing these insecurities as a child, Samara’s parents didn’t help smooth her, she has nowhere to fulfill her helplessness as a child, there is where hostility is born but then unable to express the hostility, she repress them, and became passive- aggressive when it comes to the relationship with others when she grow up, telling people to make decisions for her, saying “whatever you want.” but on the other hand being very possessive her other half’s daily life.
This might also be a reason that leads to her basic anxieties, eventually leads to her neurois problems, viewing a men’s decision making for her a form of protective love. She creates a self image of herself being fully innocent and it is 100% the other person’s fault when drama happens in a failing relationship, her view of love is full surrender but in someway doesn’t care about other’s
feelings.
Samara is in a state that her self- assessment is far from the reality she is living, it is far from being accurate, she cannot see what she did wrong in all her past relationships, she see herself as giving unconditional love, being extremely generous almost to her partner but wasn’t given back the same amount of love, she then hold hostility, shows grunge and accuse them for not loving her back; which on the reality side, she does not allow her partner to have any other life besides having her as the center figure of their “future plan”, she burry them with her so called unconditional love and anything besides her feeling would have to come in second place, gets extremely upset anytime when she’s not the central attention of her partner, even to things as little as having another woman’s present at her partner’s workplace.
To broke her current relationship pattern, she would have to break apart from the self she keeps convincing that she has done nothing wrong in her past relationships, to break apart from her overly glorified neurotic self- image. she have to recognize her lack of self -assertion is not good in the long run of a relationship, as suggested by her previous partner Paul, her behavior in his eyes were more insane than saint. She needs to look back into the events and think what she could have done in another way and apply to future practice.
Shih Ching Tu
1140483
For this essay I am gonna analyze case number 9 by Karen Horney. Samara is a 35 year old female, always in relationships but was never able to lead to a marriage, she sees herself as a devoting figure in the relationship, the perfect woman every man should have want, and has a hard time understanding why man always end up breaking up with her, because it is not the fact she cannot find a boyfriend, she just has a problem keeping them.
Samara demonstrates a behavior of a attention seeker, she is in a constant need of approval from her partner / lover, they need them equally demonstrates the equal amount of affection as her or more, she specifically quote, “if you have love you have everything.” She wants someone to love her so she can feel a sense of belonging …show more content…
and security, which she’s not able to get for being alone. The case date that Samara is pretty much always in some form of relationship, and is persistent about eventually getting into marriage, once failed her mission she quickly move one to the next relationship, because it seems that it isn't the matter of who he is dating but the matter of not being “alone”. It is also pretty clear that she tend to leans toward having an authoritarian figure in the relationship, to make decisions for her, her love is a pure form of compliance and gain affection from the others, she sees herself of being the “unselfish” in this relationship, she clings with her boyfriend in life and does “whatever he wants”. She is in this idealise of what love really is and to her is spending every single minute together, living two person as one, she doesn't understand why her other half would want to spend time apart from her and takes offense from it. This shows a neurotic behavior of always in need for love causes her being overly dependant, and leads to a obsessive, compulsive need of possession of another person.
Samara’s behavior originates from her childhood experience. She is from a traditional middle eastern family, she holds a strong belief in her culture and traditions, which marriage plays a big part of a woman's life. Female in a relationship would be portrayed as this humble, stay at home motherly figure, fulfilling the duties of a compliant wife. She was exposed to the idea that being a mother and a wife would be her priority in life, she doesn’t know much options beyond that because of her family and culture, it is hard for to switch into the perspective of the others even she was no longer a child. This also results her hidden strong desire to gain power in a relationship, in a sense of extreme jealousy, and wanting for attention all the time.
Quoting Horney’s words, Samara was exposed to basic evils as a child, thus leading her to always have these insecurities in her bones, always identify herself to be the submissive figure in this relationship, she protect herself this way so she could move toward others, so she could fulfill her “duties” and win love.When facing these insecurities as a child, Samara’s parents didn’t help smooth her, she has nowhere to fulfill her helplessness as a child, there is where hostility is born but then unable to express the hostility, she repress them, and became passive- aggressive when it comes to the relationship with others when she grow up, telling people to make decisions for her, saying “whatever you want.” but on the other hand being very possessive her other half’s daily life.
This might also be a reason that leads to her basic anxieties, eventually leads to her neurois problems, viewing a men’s decision making for her a form of protective love. She creates a self image of herself being fully innocent and it is 100% the other person’s fault when drama happens in a failing relationship, her view of love is full surrender but in someway doesn’t care about other’s
feelings.
Samara is in a state that her self- assessment is far from the reality she is living, it is far from being accurate, she cannot see what she did wrong in all her past relationships, she see herself as giving unconditional love, being extremely generous almost to her partner but wasn’t given back the same amount of love, she then hold hostility, shows grunge and accuse them for not loving her back; which on the reality side, she does not allow her partner to have any other life besides having her as the center figure of their “future plan”, she burry them with her so called unconditional love and anything besides her feeling would have to come in second place, gets extremely upset anytime when she’s not the central attention of her partner, even to things as little as having another woman’s present at her partner’s workplace.
To broke her current relationship pattern, she would have to break apart from the self she keeps convincing that she has done nothing wrong in her past relationships, to break apart from her overly glorified neurotic self- image. she have to recognize her lack of self -assertion is not good in the long run of a relationship, as suggested by her previous partner Paul, her behavior in his eyes were more insane than saint. She needs to look back into the events and think what she could have done in another way and apply to future practice.