How Can Mickey Mouse Be Banned
Paragraph 1
This paragraph is supposedly the introductory paragraph of the essay. In this paragraph, the writer wrote general statements about “Mickey Mouse” and then narrowed down to his/her opinion instead. What I understand by reading the introductory paragraph is that the writer assumes that “Mickey Mouse” is a bad influence towards the society and should be banned.
A proper way to end this paragraph would be clearly by stating in what ways “Mickey Mouse” becomes a bad influence to the society or the basic reasons why “Mickey Mouse” should be banned and then explain it further in the upcoming paragraphs so that readers would tend to know the general idea of the essay. Instead, the writer just ended the paragraph without stating the general …show more content…
The topic sentence in this paragraph states that “Mickey Mouse” affects the culture of the society and then narrowed it down to say that it affects youngsters the most. The writer than has a supporting sentence which states why does he/she say so. The supporting sentence can be noticed in lines 7-8. As for lines 9-10, it would not be necessary as it has already been stated at the end of the introductory paragraph. The concluding sentence of this paragraph can be seen in lines 11-12.
Paragraph 3 This paragraph states that “Mickey Mouse” influences the dressing of girls. The topic sentence can be observed in line 13. The sentences that support the topic of this paragraph can be seen in lines 14-17. To end the paragraph, the writer gave an example which he/she thinks is the immediate effect of dressing vulgarly. The example can be seen from lines 19-20.
Paragraph 4 This paragraph supposedly talks about “Mickey Mouse’s” ears which seems to affect the hairstyle of youngsters. In my opinion, this entire paragraph seems to be very irrelevant. Not only that, some points stated in this paragraph are not necessary. There is not unity and coherence in this paragraph. It only has the topic sentence which is stated in line
This paragraph is supposedly the introductory paragraph of the essay. In this paragraph, the writer wrote general statements about “Mickey Mouse” and then narrowed down to his/her opinion instead. What I understand by reading the introductory paragraph is that the writer assumes that “Mickey Mouse” is a bad influence towards the society and should be banned.
A proper way to end this paragraph would be clearly by stating in what ways “Mickey Mouse” becomes a bad influence to the society or the basic reasons why “Mickey Mouse” should be banned and then explain it further in the upcoming paragraphs so that readers would tend to know the general idea of the essay. Instead, the writer just ended the paragraph without stating the general …show more content…
The topic sentence in this paragraph states that “Mickey Mouse” affects the culture of the society and then narrowed it down to say that it affects youngsters the most. The writer than has a supporting sentence which states why does he/she say so. The supporting sentence can be noticed in lines 7-8. As for lines 9-10, it would not be necessary as it has already been stated at the end of the introductory paragraph. The concluding sentence of this paragraph can be seen in lines 11-12.
Paragraph 3 This paragraph states that “Mickey Mouse” influences the dressing of girls. The topic sentence can be observed in line 13. The sentences that support the topic of this paragraph can be seen in lines 14-17. To end the paragraph, the writer gave an example which he/she thinks is the immediate effect of dressing vulgarly. The example can be seen from lines 19-20.
Paragraph 4 This paragraph supposedly talks about “Mickey Mouse’s” ears which seems to affect the hairstyle of youngsters. In my opinion, this entire paragraph seems to be very irrelevant. Not only that, some points stated in this paragraph are not necessary. There is not unity and coherence in this paragraph. It only has the topic sentence which is stated in line