How Can We Develop Our Identity

Topic: As people grow older, they need to renegotiate their sense of identity and belonging.

Everyone has struggled with their identity and belonging during a chapter of their life. There comes a time when our opinions and beliefs begin to differentiate from those around us. During this time, some people may discover where they belong, whereas many others do not. It is not solely one stage of our lives when we are confronted with an identity crisis, but a continuous challenge throughout our lives as we encounter new experiences that will alter our thoughts, emotions and perspective on ourselves.

Most of us are following the “norms”, society expectations but deep down inside, we desire for freedom. Society only gives us a narrow time, a “window”, between school and marriage to be whomever we want without the judgement of society. This window is the only time that we can have a ”good time” like getting drunk, travel, stay out late, do silly things yet nobody would criticise. However, since the window is pretty narrow, many people tends to stretch it so they can fully enjoy themselves. For
school-leavers like us, we would like to taste that sense of freedom as soon as possible and as long as possible. Not many of us would actually thinking about settling down at this moment since we are young. Out there in the world, many interesting new things are inviting us to try and take on the challenges. We are like Bubba, young and energetic, new to the world and society doesn’t expect much of us yet. However, human beings are not eternally immutable, we change ourselves, our identity and sense of belonging gradually.

There’s certainly a time when we feel so lonely, distanced and disconnected even though there’s a crowd of people around, people that we know. That’s when we should think to ourselves, who am I really and where do I belong? After enjoying freedom for so long, we could be bored and lost because we are living without a purpose, a plan for the future. We would begin to yearn for a lifelong companionship, fulltime commitment from someone, we can’t stand being alone for the rest of our lives in some vague, unstable relationships that can break at any moment. We need something new and more exciting than what we already experienced. A solitary is an unfulfilling life to us, we want love, affections and devotion so that our lives can be fulfilled. As we grow older, we would stop being immature, selfish and solo as part of our “growing up”. Though we would like to stretch our “window”, society does expect us to grow after certain age.

We are expected to reproduce ourselves by having a family, taking up the responsibilities, pass on our beliefs to the younger generation.
Reproduction is that we can start all over again, that’s why life is a cycle, repetitively, and many would follow. In each and every one of us, the biological urge or clock would start to alarm as we grow older. Desire for a family with children would naturally come for most people, then they would seek to settle down. Nancy had enough of the lay-off, after sixteen years without any assurance, she had renegotiated with herself to discontinue. She wanted to have a family, a stable relationship, since Barney couldn’t give her that, she left and married to start a family life. She was not young any more but it was not too late, at least she realised that the lay-off wasn’t working for her and she found a solution that she was comfortable
with.

However, there’re a few people who think differently. They are afraid of losing their freedom as they are lost in their own fantasy that they are young and free forever. Marriage certainly limits one’s freedom that to some people, it’s a chain, an imprisonment for life that they don’t ever want to be bind in. They love their liberty even though they are aging, they don’t have a slight idea of changing their lifestyle. They don’t want to grow up even if they are growing old. In society’s eye, they are the odd ones, the ones that defy the “norms”, the bad omens. Olive is the representative of these people, she detest matrimony and any permanent attachment. However, she ignored reality of her aging and the repetitive of the lay-off was wearing everybody out. The freshness, excitements and funs were gone long ago but she turned a blind eye to it, believing it would last forever. Only if she renegotiate with herself earlier, reality wouldn’t struck her as hard and she would understand why Roo proposed to her.

At some point in life, we must reconsider of our sense of identity and belonging so that its suit our situations. We are not ever-changing but we can’t be the same forever, we need to change gradually to adapt to the changing world just like how the Earth revolves around the sun. It spins but we don’t feel it. People change overtime but we don’t really see unless it’s a dramatic change. As we grow older, we encounter more crises which influence our sense of identity and belonging. We would be wiser than before as we learn from our mistakes.