Huck Finn Monologue

I have never served a purpose here, give or take the reality that I have only been in this position for all of four weeks, but seriously, four weeks and I have yet to experience adrenaline; I have yet to be needed, or noticed for that matter. I don’t add to the noise of this room. I can’t even manage a hum and if I could it would still amount to so much less than the beeping, it would amount to less than the voice Finnian speaks with too. I am envious of the beeping, because it is arrogant and stubborn, but I am not envious of Finnian. He is my hope. Our world is scary sometimes and I know it is hurting him at least a little or else we wouldn’t be in the same room, but he doesn’t moan. I can’t even produce a moan, yet I heave in my heart. I have listened to Finnian accuse so many people of their lack of excitement. When he sees distress he will tell the person “get your spirit up, because mine is up every single day” and it is. He hasn’t accused me and
I could handle when the doctors took his parents outside of the room, that meant that I got to see the side of him that he doesn’t show anyone. It is when they are all crowded around him that I cannot bear my anxiety. There is so much tension then and the lights are so bright. I feel more faint than usual. I need to be moved from where I am, but what if Finn needs me? If Finn needs me, then in that moment I would be his only source of strength, I would be his everything in the same way that he has been mine. His laughter has not quieted in this atmosphere and today can’t be any different. If I am to ever make him feel as alive in his weakest as he has made me feel in my strength, I need him to keep laughing, I need his figure to move past me, but he has not asked anyone to stop looking at him with sad eyes today. Besides, if he had it would’ve been a hypocritic demand, for his eyes are sad