Humorous Wedding Speech Analysis

Good evening ladies and gentlemen, and thank you for coming to support Crystal and Garrett’s special day.

For those who don’t know me, I’m Hailey Thompson, maid of honor and best friend to crystal for many many years

I met crystal when I was little, too little to remember when I met her. But little do you know that we didn’t give each other the time of day. We would go dirt bike riding, snow boarding, and wake boarding together, but never say a word to each other. I never knew that eleven years later I would be here giving a speech at your wedding.

Being this close to crystal, we share many juicy and hilarious secrets. I will spare you guys from those stories because 1) It would take me days to tell them all and 2) because I respect crystal too much to embarrass her on what is supposed to be one of the best days of her life. But, if you happen to catch me anywhere else, the embarrassing stories are fair game.
Crystal, I want you to know that I wrote this speech over 50 times trying to find the words to say.
I can’t find the words to describe our friendship because it’s too odd for people to understand. We fight like sister, but always find a way back to each other. We have always said that God made us best friends because our moms couldn’t handle us as sisters, and to this day I still believe that’s true. We’ve had some crazy adventures, like our sleepovers and summer vacations. We have our inside jokes and think we’re hilarious. That’s why we’re sisters, because nobody else would understand, and nobody else seems to get just how cool and hilarious we really
are.

I wont go into how the lovely couple met, but I was there watching Garrett build up the nerves to come talk to crystal. I was meeting Garrett for the first time, but apparently crystal was texting him long before I found out, hmm thanks haha. There first date was winterball of sophomore year and I knew I would always like Garrett just by the way he asked her. He filled up her bag with baseball and had a sign that said “I don’t have the balls to ask you in person, but winterball?” as he came around the tree with flowers. From then on I knew that would be together for a long time. I have and will always be a protective best friend, but with Garrett around I know that you are in good hands.

For a while there, Garrett, I may have been a little jealous that you were stealing my best friend, but I realize now that as her husband you are her best friend too. That is a role I’m happy to pass on and share. I see how happy you make her and how much she loves you. I also know that you would never hurt her or let anything happen to her. I can’t think of a better man for my best friend.

Crystal I wish you the best and same to you Garrett. Garrett you are one lucky man to have a girl like crystal. I’ve had eleven years’ worth of putting up with her quirks, her moodiness, and her inability to cook. Now it’s your turn. Just remember, she doesn’t like cheap chocolate, and a happy wife makes for a happy life. Take care of my best friend and sister.

If everyone would raise their glass now and join me in congratulating the beautiful bride and handsome groom. Congratulations. I love you both. To Crystal and Garrett…….