Humorous Wedding Speech

I took out my cell phone calmly and, “This is Sabastian Durham. I have a few questions for you. Do I own your company? Did your people have a task to do for me? Why do I have to wait for someone to take away the mess they had made before I can go to my room? Do you think I should take it upon myself to have trash removed? Oh, it’s company policy and yet I own the company! Are you hard of hearing? The hotel suite is mine, you idiot and the trash I’m about to throw-out is you and your entire board of directors. I believe I should be heading to my room in the next ten minutes. I’m so happy we had this little conversation. I know the rest of the hotel’s furniture will arrive in the next few days. I only need my accommodation done for now. Oh, your people are cleaning up the mess as we
speak. Well good for them,” I snarled and hung up the phone. “If you had ever spoken to me in that manner, Sabastian,” she snarled. “Your next gathering everyone would be wearing black and I in an orange jumpsuit.” “After today, you will never have to hear my voice at all. Let’s go to the apartment and finish our conversation.” “And, what about you’re little Rendezvous?” “It’s with you. I didn’t want any interruptions when I reminded you of a few things before we got married. One of which was the relationship I had before the two of us got forced into this nightmare union we share. I believe my father told you she was just an acquaintance, but I had told you the truth. I should also bring out that one little situation in the matrimonial contract that states the heir…” “The heir shall become the head of both families' interest. Your father had made that perfectly clear to me on several occasions. You will never get your hands on…” “And, once again you have never listened to a word I had said.” “Why should I!” she snapped. “All you have ever told me was…” “The truth,” I said evenly. “Unlike you, I have never lied to you. I had told you about the person who I wanted to marry during our forced engagement party. I also remember telling you I was being forced into this union. And I also clearly remember telling you that the matrimonial contract states clearly that…” “I don’t care what it says. You will never…” “Shut up you ignorant harpy!” I spat out, viciously. “I shall be heard and that is final.” “How dare you!” “I dare because I was dumb enough to married you, you brainless harpy,” I said coldly ,and with absolutely no concern with her feelings whatsoever. “If you would’ve ever let me finish talking you would have heard me say that our document said clearly that the heir born of our union would combined both our families wealth, you mindless twit! I don’t know who is worst our father, our legal staff, or you. Well, I’ve had enough of all of you! I will not have my child believe they were conceived through some seedy act between their mother and me. I cared for their mother deeply, but had little choice except to protect their mother from my father vindictiveness by ending our relationship. As for you Lora Hansen-Durham,” I snapped. Lora’s face now looked as if it was going to fall in on itself.
She finally understood what I was saying and now looked like a child who knew she had made a mistake and had no other choice but to acknowledge the bottom warming she had earned. “Come with me to my suite so we can finish what is between the two of us once and for all. I have several bottles of bourbon expecting my visit and some Chili Cheese Fries I’m curious about. Oh, and I had this room prepared so we can have a place where no one will know where we can work on the businesses we had started on our own. Just leave what you wish to do with the companies or the decisions that you wish me to agree or argue with you on their disposal or equably divide them so each of us will own them separately. Any way you look at it, this too will come to an end as soon as possible. Now, get up and come with me,” I snarled, coldly and turned to the owner. “Please have what I had ordered delivered to my suite. Also inform my chef to prepare the caviar for Ms. Hansen the way she likes it.” “But, Sir,” the owner choked. “That is Lora’s name so she might as well get used to it,” I said, evenly and stepped
away. I had half expected to see the fire sprinklers go off or the loudest explosion to crack all glass for miles in all directions when I got up and turned away from Lora. However, she grabbed her bag and followed me out of the restaurant’s back door way into the hotel without saying a word. When I opened my eyes the following day, there were several bowls that once held Chili Cheese Fries, what was left of the roasted chicken salad I was forced to eat after Lora had snatched away my Chili Cheese Fries (along with the second and third orders), several empty bottles of bourbon, and Lora snuggled under my arm. Did I forget to mention we were unclothed and she kept snuggling up to me whenever…? I tried to move away from her, but it was morning and she was having none of it or wanted all of it depending if you were me or her. Any way you would like to understand this situation, it had happened and she was not going to be denied it from happening again.