If by rudyard kipling

“If you can dream and not make dreams your master; if you can think and not make thought your aim”. “If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you.”(9-10) two lines from the poem - If that certainly don’t express gender specific advice in the 21st century. The entire poem reads as ambiguous in nature when gender is in focus, which was written as paternal advice to Kipling’s son. If ‘With sixty seconds worth of distance run, yours is the earth and everything in it, And – which is more – you’ll be a man my son’ (30-32)were to be removed, would one know that this is advice to a son, or could it be advice from a mother to a daughter in the 21st century? He describes overcoming the emotional, mental and physical expectations of what it means to be a man, and does this in a warm, heartfelt manner. A manner that does not convey a “stiff upper lip” at all. Mankind would be the wiser for following this broad and touching description of what it means to achieve adulthood. Having a stiff upper lip is not the very essence of manhood, as gender specific, rather it is the very essence of human kind in its entirety, man or woman, and presents itself as ambiguous in nature as interpreted by a 21st century reader, more specifically a female reader.
“One who has a stiff upper lip displays fortitude in the face of adversity, or exercises great self-restraint in the expression of emotion” (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stiff_upper_lip). This was not just expected from men, but also their counterpart- women. In the Victorian-era a woman’s virtue was her femininity. Traits such as gentleness, empathy, sensitivity, caring, compassion, tolerance and deference were regarded as feminine, and a woman who displayed any behavior to the contrary would not be considered marriage material. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Femininity) The tone behind Kipling’s piece could be considered feminine, perhaps maternal in its approach, yet paternal in the values which are being presented; therefore it seems rather ambiguous. If was written in a time when society derived much of their ideals from stoicism. “Stoics presented their philosophy as a way of life, and they thought that the best indication of an individual's philosophy was not what a person said but how he behaved” (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stoicism). You can see the influences of Kipling’s stoic beliefs throughout this poem; “if you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you, if you can trust yourself when all men doubt you” (2-4). Stoicism teaches the development of self-control as a means of overcoming destructive emotions. Not only during the Victorian era, but all throughout history this has been the expectation of man. It is by all written accounts what defines manhood. “Strong and powerful – physically and mentally, self-reliant, able to sort out and deal with problems alone, in control – not showing any vulnerabilities, rational and logical, interested in and ready for sex at all times”. (http://www.livingwell.com/todaysman) It’s a shame that this is has been an overwhelming trend in our history and in present day. Without the tenacious, enduring and very capable woman, where would men be, are we really just the sensitive and gentle individuals we’ve been portrayed as? It seems as though we have an outdated view point on what is feminine and what is masculine. We are all that men have portrayed themselves as and more, and on the contrary, there are so many misconceptions of men that go unaddressed; men can be sensitive and gentle and women can be strong and independent. We are more alike than we are willing to admit. This point of view isn’t an attempt to say we are exactly the same, for we know we are not. However, when gender is the focus, our individuality as a person, not as our sex, is what determines us and our parenting abilities for that matter.
Woman have always had to “develop self-control as a means of overcoming destructive emotion.” In the industrial period and depression age of the United States, woman and children alike were strong hands in the fields, “if you can watch the things you gave your life to, broken, and stoop and build ‘em up with worn out tools.” This can be applied to men and woman of the early 1900’s. “Economic developments in the industrial era coincided with family size, and increasing life expectancy. A greater role for women in the labor force, contemporary politics and reform activities was certainly one of the unintended consequences of technological change in 19th century America.” Though we are not equal in the eyes of many; men and women both share extraordinary strengths and weaknesses that differ from one another, and together we have built this world we’re living in. I hope for the day that women get the credit they deserve as hard working strong human beings who are an integral part of life itself, and that men are able to feel comfortable showing the more feminine side of themselves in the form of sensitivity and vulnerability, without the cost of their manhood. Though If was written as paternal advice from a father to a son, one can dismiss the gender identification and apply this poem as sensitive and inspiring wisdom from a parent to a child of any gender.