Intimacy In The Children Are Watching Us
The film The Children are Watching us by Vittorio De Sica depicts the unhappy marriage of Nina and Andrea through their son Prico’s eyes during the height of Italian Fascism. Through Prico’s inquisitive view point, the audience is shown the inner working of their marriage, seeing both the positive and negative aspects of their relationship. Ultimately, Nina and Andrea’s relationship fails because they fill roles for each other instead of providing real intimacy. In The Art of Loving, Fromm depicts intimacy as an integral component of a loving relationship.
He repeats H.S. Sullivan’s definition of intimacy: “Intimacy is that type of situation involving two people which permits validation of all components of personal worth. Validation …show more content…
of personal worth requires a type of relationship which I call collaboration, by which I mean clearly formulated adjustments of one’s behavior to the expressed needs of the other persons in pursuit of increasingly identical- that is, more and more nearly mutual satisfactions, and in the maintenance of increasingly similar security operations”. (Fromm 86)
The definition of intimacy Fromm provides is important. The definition shows the importance of “mutual satisfaction” that couples achieve when helping each other, and acting with the other person in mind. By balancing the importance of “personal worth”, “validation” and “mutual satisfaction”, Fromm establishes the significance of acting together while respecting the other person and maintaining individuality. An integral part of his ideas about intimacy are not stated but are implied in the definition. Underlying his definition is that the level of intimacy which he describes is hard because it requires individuals to understand each other, and sacrifice some of what they want, so the couple’s goals can coalesce into one. It is implied that the foundation of intimacy is built upon communication, understanding and forgiveness, so a couple must actively practice these to ideas to foster the level of intimacy that he describes. Without communication, understanding and forgiveness, this goal is impossible, and can result in resentment. In using a definition of intimacy that both defines intimacy as a validation of self-worth while working within a couple, and requires communication, trust, and compassion, Fromm definition provides a way to see if a couple has achieve intimacy, and show why they have failed or succeeded. Through his relationship with Nina, Andrea achieves the fascist values of having a family, and being a provider while living a more exciting life.
In fascist Italy, men were expected to marry, provide for their families, and maintain a steady job, so they could make Italy strong again. Andrea’s marriages allows him to achieve these goals, which legitimizes his choice. When he works, he is not just earning money, instead he is providing for his family. He is allowing Nina, and Prico to live a middle class life style to consume nice clothes, go on expensive vacations, take frequent trips to the movies, and giving Prico with toys. Through the material goods that he gives his family, Andrea signals to the public that he is a good provider, so he is helping restore Italy to its former glory. Nina also provides a lot of excitement in Andrea’s life. When Andrea’s mother talks about Nina, and Andrea, she suggest that they are different and implies that she did not like the way that Nina behaved. When talking about Prico accidentally hurting Paolina, Andrea’s mother says “At your age you were not like him, believe me. Some kids take after their fathers, and some after their mothers”( The Children are Watching Us De Sica). With this line, Andrea’s mother makes it clear that she did not like Nina, and she hints that Nina was too unpredictable, and impulsive. While his mother does not like this, Andrea found this to be a positive trait. Her energy contrasts with his sternness, and his pragmatism, and it makes his life more interesting and
enjoyable. For Nina, Andrea was attractive because he provided a middle class life. Because of Andrea middle class wealth, Nina can have the material benefits of a middle class life style like nice vacations, clothes, and someone to cook and clear for her. The family’s relative affluence is shown at the start of the movie when Nina and Prico walk around the park. Unlike many of the people that they see at the park, Andrea and Prico are wearing expensive clothes, they can see movies almost every day, and they have luxury goods. The difference between Prico and Nina, and most of Italy is cemented when Prico is juxtaposed with the boy at the park who admires his scooter. Prico is wearing an expensive hat, a mature pea coat, a well-fitting collared shirt, and stylish shorts and riding on a scooter with a bell. The boy who is impressed by and envious of the scooter is wearing a dirty t-shirt that does not fit him.( The Children are Watching Us De Sica) In the contrast between the Prico and the seemingly normal boy, the director shows the difference in wealth between Prico and average Italian boy, and shows everyone how well off Prico and Nina are, and how she treasures the stability. Nina, and Andrea’s marriage does not work because they do not have real intamcy. While Nina, and Andrea both provide something for the other person, what they provide is superficial, thus it does not create intimacy. After Nina comes back to the house, Andrea and Prico seem to live in the same house, but separate from each other. After they have been back together for a month Nina says “ He still hasn’t spoken a word to me” ( The Children are Watching Us De Sica), and Andrea only gives Prico money for Mother’s day flowers when Agnenes tells them too. Together, these two interactions show that Andrea is not forgiving enough, and the couple cannot communicate well enough to create real intimacy. Driving both of these interactions is Andrea not validating Nina’s feelings, and trying to change his behavior to help her for them. When Andrea and Nina are a vacationing, Andrea attempts to help Nina by offering for Nina and Prico to stay at the beach for a couple of extra day’s together. While Andrea does this selflessly, it doesn’t look like he has not communicated with her about her and Prico staying, so he has made a decision for her. He does want to help her, but by assuming that she wants to stay he is not collaborating with her or let her remain an individual. Furthermore, when Dada and her friend offer to take care of Nina, Andrea accepts without any input from her, and misses that her head sadly sinks to her chest. ( The Children are Watching Us De Sica) By not attempting to read the non-verbal cues that Nina is giving off, Andrea shows Nina that what he thinks she wants is more important than what she wants. On the first viewing, it looks like their relationship could work out if Roberto does not show up at the beach because they both provide for each other, but using Fromm’s idea about intimacy it becomes clear that their relationship is not built on love, collaboration, or a blending of goals, but mutual benefit. Once their problems with intimacy are illuminated through The art of Love, it is easy to see why Andrea and Nina’s relationship will never seem truly loving. Their relationship is informative because it exemplifies so many relationships where neither person is selfless enough to create real intimacy but extends the relationship past its time because it is mutually beneficial.
He repeats H.S. Sullivan’s definition of intimacy: “Intimacy is that type of situation involving two people which permits validation of all components of personal worth. Validation …show more content…
of personal worth requires a type of relationship which I call collaboration, by which I mean clearly formulated adjustments of one’s behavior to the expressed needs of the other persons in pursuit of increasingly identical- that is, more and more nearly mutual satisfactions, and in the maintenance of increasingly similar security operations”. (Fromm 86)
The definition of intimacy Fromm provides is important. The definition shows the importance of “mutual satisfaction” that couples achieve when helping each other, and acting with the other person in mind. By balancing the importance of “personal worth”, “validation” and “mutual satisfaction”, Fromm establishes the significance of acting together while respecting the other person and maintaining individuality. An integral part of his ideas about intimacy are not stated but are implied in the definition. Underlying his definition is that the level of intimacy which he describes is hard because it requires individuals to understand each other, and sacrifice some of what they want, so the couple’s goals can coalesce into one. It is implied that the foundation of intimacy is built upon communication, understanding and forgiveness, so a couple must actively practice these to ideas to foster the level of intimacy that he describes. Without communication, understanding and forgiveness, this goal is impossible, and can result in resentment. In using a definition of intimacy that both defines intimacy as a validation of self-worth while working within a couple, and requires communication, trust, and compassion, Fromm definition provides a way to see if a couple has achieve intimacy, and show why they have failed or succeeded. Through his relationship with Nina, Andrea achieves the fascist values of having a family, and being a provider while living a more exciting life.
In fascist Italy, men were expected to marry, provide for their families, and maintain a steady job, so they could make Italy strong again. Andrea’s marriages allows him to achieve these goals, which legitimizes his choice. When he works, he is not just earning money, instead he is providing for his family. He is allowing Nina, and Prico to live a middle class life style to consume nice clothes, go on expensive vacations, take frequent trips to the movies, and giving Prico with toys. Through the material goods that he gives his family, Andrea signals to the public that he is a good provider, so he is helping restore Italy to its former glory. Nina also provides a lot of excitement in Andrea’s life. When Andrea’s mother talks about Nina, and Andrea, she suggest that they are different and implies that she did not like the way that Nina behaved. When talking about Prico accidentally hurting Paolina, Andrea’s mother says “At your age you were not like him, believe me. Some kids take after their fathers, and some after their mothers”( The Children are Watching Us De Sica). With this line, Andrea’s mother makes it clear that she did not like Nina, and she hints that Nina was too unpredictable, and impulsive. While his mother does not like this, Andrea found this to be a positive trait. Her energy contrasts with his sternness, and his pragmatism, and it makes his life more interesting and
enjoyable. For Nina, Andrea was attractive because he provided a middle class life. Because of Andrea middle class wealth, Nina can have the material benefits of a middle class life style like nice vacations, clothes, and someone to cook and clear for her. The family’s relative affluence is shown at the start of the movie when Nina and Prico walk around the park. Unlike many of the people that they see at the park, Andrea and Prico are wearing expensive clothes, they can see movies almost every day, and they have luxury goods. The difference between Prico and Nina, and most of Italy is cemented when Prico is juxtaposed with the boy at the park who admires his scooter. Prico is wearing an expensive hat, a mature pea coat, a well-fitting collared shirt, and stylish shorts and riding on a scooter with a bell. The boy who is impressed by and envious of the scooter is wearing a dirty t-shirt that does not fit him.( The Children are Watching Us De Sica) In the contrast between the Prico and the seemingly normal boy, the director shows the difference in wealth between Prico and average Italian boy, and shows everyone how well off Prico and Nina are, and how she treasures the stability. Nina, and Andrea’s marriage does not work because they do not have real intamcy. While Nina, and Andrea both provide something for the other person, what they provide is superficial, thus it does not create intimacy. After Nina comes back to the house, Andrea and Prico seem to live in the same house, but separate from each other. After they have been back together for a month Nina says “ He still hasn’t spoken a word to me” ( The Children are Watching Us De Sica), and Andrea only gives Prico money for Mother’s day flowers when Agnenes tells them too. Together, these two interactions show that Andrea is not forgiving enough, and the couple cannot communicate well enough to create real intimacy. Driving both of these interactions is Andrea not validating Nina’s feelings, and trying to change his behavior to help her for them. When Andrea and Nina are a vacationing, Andrea attempts to help Nina by offering for Nina and Prico to stay at the beach for a couple of extra day’s together. While Andrea does this selflessly, it doesn’t look like he has not communicated with her about her and Prico staying, so he has made a decision for her. He does want to help her, but by assuming that she wants to stay he is not collaborating with her or let her remain an individual. Furthermore, when Dada and her friend offer to take care of Nina, Andrea accepts without any input from her, and misses that her head sadly sinks to her chest. ( The Children are Watching Us De Sica) By not attempting to read the non-verbal cues that Nina is giving off, Andrea shows Nina that what he thinks she wants is more important than what she wants. On the first viewing, it looks like their relationship could work out if Roberto does not show up at the beach because they both provide for each other, but using Fromm’s idea about intimacy it becomes clear that their relationship is not built on love, collaboration, or a blending of goals, but mutual benefit. Once their problems with intimacy are illuminated through The art of Love, it is easy to see why Andrea and Nina’s relationship will never seem truly loving. Their relationship is informative because it exemplifies so many relationships where neither person is selfless enough to create real intimacy but extends the relationship past its time because it is mutually beneficial.