John proctor diary

I find myself wanting to go to Salem almost everyday, the longing for Abigail is so strong, so hard to fight. I know I have to be strong against the urge. I am wanting so badly to be open with Elizabeth. But I a m not. I often find myself remembering the night with Abigail behind my house. My wife had gone into town, I was chopping wood, she had come out for company, for she was done with the work she was given. I had been watching her for a while. I could tell she had been as well, for the subtle hints she would make. The way she would touch me in passing, so tender. The longing in her eyes, well that night was different. It changed that night. She came out to my chopping station, closer than usual. She wanted to learn how to chop wood. So I handed her the ax. I took my grip around hers, her hands so gentle, so delicate against my hard worked hands. This went on for a while, then she turned and looked into my eyes. Those beautiful longing eyes, looking into my wanting eyes. She wrapped herself around me. I returned this act of affection, I leaned in an started to passionately kiss her, clutching the small of her back. She returned the passion. She smelled faintly of the flowers she was working with that day. I pushed her against the wall, sweating at this point I was being aroused by Abigail Williams, a seventeen year old, who had probably never done this before. As she started to take my shirt off, I touched her in her special places. I resumed to kissing her, her beautiful lips that tasted of cider, the small of her neck, and her beautiful breast. As I did this I could hear the soft moans escaping her mouth. This only excited me more. Slowly I started to unbutton her dress one by one. The ribbon she was wearing started to fall from her hair. I pulled it out and placed it in my pocket. Then she undid my knickers and I was nude, as she was at this point as well. We did go further that night, much further. I am ashamed to think about it. But I think about it every time I go to chop wood and see Abigail. It should be my name as well in the village being blackened for I want Abigail more than my own wife.

Its two nights after the happening with Abigail, Elizabeth and I were sitting at the table to eat our supper. She noticed the day after the affair that thing were different between me and Abigail. The tone in our voices were not the same as before. She asked if any thing had happened between us and I denied it. I came in from the wood station, washed my hands and sat down at the table. Elizabeth had joined me as she put the food down. She took my hands and we prayed over our food, for it to be blesses and for the blesses lives that we lived. Right after this, I started to put the food onto our plates, as we we were sitting there she asked what had happened between me and abigail the night she went into town. I looked at her squarely in the eye and said "Elizabeth, I have already told you that nothing happened, what makes you believe such a thing to happen." She looked at her food and said " The way you have been with her the last two days are not the same, you are more gentle with her than I have ever seen." I was getting more aggravated with her now because I was thinking a woman needs to respect her husband and not question what her husband says. A husbands word is word. But I knew tonight wasn't that way. I felt guilty and ashamed once more, because I knew I committed a sin against her and God.But I could not let her know this. After a moment of silence after her statement. I said in anger "Elizabeth, nothing happened between me and Abigail Williams she is our servant and nothing more, Is that understood." She got up and went to the window, I sat there for a moment by myself in rage. I knew, I should not have talked to her that way, in such a horrible manner but she had no right to question me in such a manner. I looked towards her to the window and it was only then I saw her shoulders shaking and the quiet sobs coming out of her. I had made my wife cry, I got up and went over to her side, and put my arms around her and whispered in her ear " I am sorry Elizabeth, nothing happened. I love you and only you and nothing will ever change that, you have my word Elizabeth Proctor." She turned around in the same way that Abigail did and wrapped herself around me. She said she loved me as well and with that she cried more. I just stood there with my wife in my arms and let her cry. For I knew she had a reason to cry, but I did not know if she knew why she should be crying. I looked up, Abigail was standing in the door way with a smile on her face. it angered me, but at the same time it pleased me. With that, she came all the way in and said she was finished with the work. I then let go of my wife and told her I would be home soon, for I had to take Abigail, my mistress home.

I came in from chopping wood tonight and Elizabeth and I were eating supper. Today Abigail did not not come for I told her last night it would be best if she did not come for the next couple of days. She agreed on this with me. Right before she got out of the buggie, she kissed me on the cheek. The touch of her lips against me were amazing. So soft and inviting, i wanted it to be more than a sweet kiss upon my cheek. I was tempted to take it further, but I knew I mustn't. After the kiss she said " I love you" in her sweet music like voice that could have calmed the most angriest of men. I said it as well, in my own voice that sounded nothing of kindness and compassion. But to her I suppose it sounded just as that as she smiled and made her way seductively to her door. Where her uncle reverend Parris waited for her. Tonight it was just me and my beautiful wife. Well after supper Elizabeth and I mad sweet love. I wanted to show her that I truly lover her and she was the one I choose. Her actions were gentle and smooth, and in return gave her the loving touches I know from past She that she likes. She is more aggressive and in I returned that. She knew exactly what to do and this kind of love making I enjoy the most. The kisses I gave her her were more passionate and full of years of love for her, slow and drawn out and lingering. These were the kisses I so desired to give her because I knew they aroused her as much as me. She had a certiain taste about her, one that I loved and longed for. As I moved from her lips, to behind her ears, down to her neck and her shoulders. I knew this spot aroused her, when I kissed it softly. I heard the confident moans come from her mouth and I could feel her back arch as I kissed; as I loved my wife. I felt the hands of my wife all over my body tonight in the places where one does not not normally touch. As the night dwindled, I watched my wife fall asleep. I got up and put my knickers on and went out side to watch the moon, as I did this I felt around my pocket and pulled out the ribbon that belonged to Abigail and I held onto it.